What the fuck? It's like so early in the morning and I'm wide awake?! Oh,well..not really..WIDE awake...but awake. Couldn't sleep well yesterday night...I was tossing and turning on my bed. Maybe it was too hot or something. Woke up around 7 plus in the morning today. So I gave up on trying to sleep again and here I am... In front of my comp. Damn,I was hoping I have a better sleep cuz yesterday I went back a li'l late.

As usual,Saturday is No Direction's day... Automatically it should be acknowledged that Saturday is No Direction's day. It's a day when Bernard books out from camp and gets to spend his time outside. So we dropped by his place earlier yesterday and we jammed and believe it or not,I've forgotten some of my parts and that sucks. Tried out new stuff and tried adding in something new and it all sounded...well...better. Went to Plaza Singapura to catch a movie...Just the 8 of us...No Direction + Sofin,Mon,Fattah and Shain. Went to watch Ju'on and well...can say that the show's kinda freaky but seriously...it can make someone easily lost in the cinema. The movie jumps a lot as in..from one part to another then back to this part...so it's kinda complicated and the ending..seriously..sucks. Fattah and I were laughing and making jokes about the show while we were in the cinema...It was whacked! Laughing outloud till someone had to "hush" us down.

After the show sorta just chill out and being lost until Tweet and Mon decided to have dinner. So we head down to BK in Cineleisure. Sat there,had dinner,Fidah joined us...sat there again...and then moved outside to Long John's Silver's area...sat there..chat up..waited for Yan. After a while,we went to Mitre Hotel...hoping that it was open so that we could slack there but when we came..it was closed. So we ordered some drinks and sat down outside. After this and that...we went out..walked out...Sofin,Dzafir,D'omar and Yan took off first in the cab while Fattah,Shain,Bernard and I walked out to City Hall. We walked like from Youth Park area to City Hall.... And I was sleepy and I couldn't take it anymore so I told the guys,I'm takin' the cab. The three of them keep on walking... Flagged down the cab and head home.

So here I am... I'll be tonning at Dil's place today together with Sammy and IK... Just us,guys hangin' out. There'll be a gig today...wanted to go..but then...nah..I'll pass for some reason. Well,to those that went to the gig today... Hope u guys enjoyed it...(By the time u guys read this I'm sure that it's after the gig) So I'll be stayin' home and do...nuts here. That's all for now...

Cheers!

3:17am...and I'm still not asleep yet. Did nothin' much besides downloading more of Jackass episodes. They're bunch of sick fucks! Yesterday I did nothing much...Besides jamming...with First Chapter,I went slackin' at BK Century Square. Jammed the last time before Firdaus goes away to Australia for a family trip...WoW! A trip to Aus! I still can't get some thoughts our of my head...Why is it bothering me..this much?

Pluggy came along to our jamming yesterday...and well...after got that lecture from her and all I've realised that some things...I just got to let go. Not all good things stay...most of 'em...comes to an end. I got to let my feelings go for pluggy and just keep that good memories i had with her... Somethings,simply won't come back. *sigh*... But had fun with her though...when I hanged out with her,IK,Dil and Mint...It's been quite some time since I've hanged out with pluggy. I missed that,a lot! Talked crap with her,sang along to the music that's blasting from IK's small speakers...madness. That somehow,got my mind off things for a while but after I came back home...the thoughts came back. About what just happened..between me and her...It's just...sad...But hey...that's what she wants,I can't force her to decide on other decisions. Right? So yeah...there it goes...

I called Shammie up yesterday hoping that I could chat up with her and all...but my attempts...failed. Called about 4 times or 5...but her phone was...god knows what? so i gave up and kinda disappointed that I wasn't enable to chat up with her. I was very touched by Shammie when she approached me two days back in IRC and asked me...am I okay. That was really nice of her...I mean,after what i did and all...she actually approached me and asked me whether I'm okay. Where was I when she needed someone?...I suck! Like I've said before...Shammie's a nice girl and she deserves someone better than this lost and confused guy (me). That's enough of it,can't say more here.

Bernard called me up just now when he was in camp...he was telling me about his stories there..during his Rifle Ranging moments...hehe...Shooting and all..being the "bobo" shooter because the lights doesn't flash on the target...hehehe...Madness...

Should I go tomorrow? Or should I not? She needed someone to accompany her to town for a job interview and she asked me...why? I'd love to go so that i can see her but the question is...can I take it? can I take the fact that...argh...nevermind..just forget what I said...I know i can simply press on backspace and delete what I've just typed out...but I want this entry..as real as how I say out..or think of..so yeah..there u go.

It's gonna be early morning soon...and my body's aching and eyes getting heavier. So I'm going off now...farewell!

Once again,to the people in #emo...I love u guys! Thanks for cheering people up whenever they're down...and to Shammie...I really appreciate what u did...Thank you...

[ Mood :-: Shocked/Stunned/Sad ]

Just got the news...it hits me hard in the face. I've always wanted the answers slapping right me in the face...and well,it did. Real hard. It smacks ya really hard! It's like,ten knives stabbing onto ur heart and tons of bricks being dropped onto ur heart... WoW! Talked to her just now...thinking that it was like any other day. So...yeah..called her up..and talked to her..and she told me that she wanted to say something to me today. Thinking that it was good and all...but I felt it...I felt it comin' long ago and it's only that I'm too stubborn to see it. I don't blame her...it was a tough choice. I took it real hard and my faced was stained with that salty tears. I mean..it was fair. A fair "game" I guess. He was the better guy...I guess that's why she chose him and not me. But i guess..I'm okay with it.

Some of u reading this..might be saying..."U deserve this wan,I told ya long ago not to be in this shit..." Yeah yeah,Some of u guys reading this,might even be laughing...And I admit my stupidity...but i can't,my feelings got too strong for her. It simply...sucks...and I ain't blaming anyone else..but myself. i thought that something was going on between me and her...I felt that I was making progress and I believed that things are going to be okay... Whatever it is...

She with him now... They're together...and I'm glad cuz it cuts out the stress for her on who to decide on. And well,I wished them the best of luck and hope for them to be happy together. I'm sure they will,cuz they seem happy together..so okay..that's cool. *sigh* i guess that my love life just sucks ey? Well,I guess...for now,I would turn to being single...It's easier..it's care free and not much to think about.. but sometimes..loneliness..kicks in. So..I've conlcluded..whatever comes..it comes...whatever goes..goes away..whatever stays..stays.

All the hurtings...I guess..killed my feelings. I feel so numbed these days...and god knows why. *sigh*...so...fuck it ah...Life have to go on! So YEAH!! WOO HOO!!! FUCK IT!!

Cheers to everyone out there...and to those singles...I'm joining the club!! WOO HOO!! but then..can I be a part-time member? WoO hoo!! yeah!! WHATEVER! And to those couples! Best of luck in everything!! Best wishes! And have great dishes(huh?)!! PEACE OUT!!

It's a Wednesday morning and I ain't got much to do. I've not been keeping in touch with the band's site. Ah mad! Yesterday I hanged out with him and her and a three other friends of mine. I went out with her to Mustafa Centre to check out the Fred Perry that she wanted to buy. She want pink,but pink wasn't available. So we went to Tampines after that...Had a long ride with her in the bus...and that was great cuz that's like the longest moment in the bus after it was quite some time since I've last spent time with her like that. but soon that good ride was sorta cut short...cuz he came up the bus and well,I can't do much except to just sit and be stone about things. Went to Tamp,walked around with her for a while,sorta did a winow shopping. Went to Toys'R'Us and had fun there. hehe,Pretending we were knights and all. Slacked at BK Century Square,sat down,talked crap and all...Laughter and everything. i wanted to send her home so much...But I guess,he took that idea first. So he sent her home. There's always other days for me to send her home. *sigh* Life can be tough at times ay? Well,just have to live with that.

Today,I ain't got much of a plan,maybe I'll meet up with her or something or maybe I just go out alone? Or maybe I'll just stay home...It's been sometime since i've slacked with Dzafir...Maybe I'll ask him.

Till then,I'll bit u all farewell...

Okay bye?

WoW! Today I'm going out with that someone...And I'm glad...told her everything and well it sorta lifted things off my chest. And well,I gotta move on from the past. And wow,having a blog...Is like...when somebody reads it...and someone who doesn't read it can know..cuz hey,words do go around. Yesterday,after jammin' with First Chapter,I went slackin' with IK at Bedok Skate Park. And soon,Mint joined us,followed by Fan...and then...Tweet. We slacked till about 11 plus when Mint and Tweet left off and it's left with me and IK. Thaught him on how to play the card game called "Stressed" and I'm the one who gets trashed in the end...Hehehe.. it was madness...Ton with him till about 3 plus in the morning..or was it 4...well it was somewhere there... Slack around,lie down at the park there...talk crap..shout out stuff while everyone else was asleep in that area...and we play stress again..and we sing crap..hahaha..madness I'll tell ya!

Well then,i gotta go off folks...wish me luck in everything..I hope I'll get what I want...So..PEACE OUT!! I'm off to see her! WOO HOO!!!

Offheidesen! Und Guten Tag!!

Lost,Confused,Doubtful,Curious,Paranoia...What else?

Feelings...Lost and mixed up feelings that made me went crazy for a while. Shit happens ey? *sigh* Saturday...which was two days back..Went out with No Direction and Family... It was great to see Ina again cuz I sorta miss that girl. And well,argued with pluggy again! All she did was...saying hi to me in an SMS form. But me,being sarcastic asked her on why the sudden hi? After the long disappearance. And we argued from there,I raised up the past and saying about the changes that she had made. I don't even know why did I pick a fight with her. i guess that I missed her too much that i felt so angry that i don't get to be with her anymore. I know that's a lame thought but that was how I felt. I can't deny that i still love her and care for her but fuck,i gotta move on cuz she already moved on,long ago...why am I not moving on? She was too special..and she still is. I didn't want to lose her during that argument..cuz I know that I've lost her once before...and now,I don't want to lose her..again..as a friend this time. I'm glad that things went out okay...and things went back to normal. She called me up last night..and well,we chatted up...in a normal tone..and things was back to normal. Ngast!

My thoughts are now,having doubts with this someone new... Most of u should know right now,whom I'm liking and going out right now...And some of u know that there's another party involved. I'm hangin' on...cuz I still see hope but I ain't putting my hopes high up. She went out with him and I went out with her. Whenever she's with him...i get all jealous and my mind goes wild...having all this crazy thoughts and ideas...and sense of insecurity... And i guess,it goes the same for him when I go out with her. Let's just see how it goes...I'll stand strong...i hope...

For shammie,I guess she hates me now ey? Cuz we don't seem to talk anymore..it's like we're back to being strangers like how we first met. i read her blog...and I love the way she writes her blog. Shammie,if ur reading this,ur a great writer...I like ur style. And ur poems,although I'm not a poet but u did touched me with ur words... But some,it does slash me deep in the chest though...but some..do put smiles on my face. Anyways...I'm sorry for what I've done,I was a total disaster to myself and i ruined ur life once...I'm very sorry for everything...

And one more thing readers...the bus stop theory...it's a total rip off like what Shammie said...except that I've changed the theory a li'l... So orginally,it belongs to shammie...Once again,sorry shammie for using ur theory.

Right now,I'm lost in life...seriously,I seriously don't know what to do anymore. All i do is,slack...slack..and slack...ton here..ton there...Come home late. And it's like,I'm never home every single fuckin' day.Always out... Earliest time is like what..12 and then I'd go home around 2 plus..or 3 or sometimes 6 plus. What the hell am I turning into? Whatever it is,I'm still trying to understand my true self. Trying to find what am I really like..and who am I really...

And to everyone I've offended in any ways...I'm really sorry.
To the kids of #emo...I'd like to say thanks for being so concerned for everyone whenever they're down...u guys are the bestest group of friends I've had.

Cheers mate!

[ Music Blasting : Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - Jumpin' Jack ] [ Mood :-: A-Okay ]

WoW! It's been such a long time that I've not been typin' in my shit. Whoa~~~ And many things had happened,lots of confusions and all! Problems,broken hearts and many more...so folks,u've been missing out on things...Yee hee(What the hell is yee hee?)

The things between me and Pluggy,I've found out from her that she doesn't like Sabrina and I hate that...It hurts,I mean if it's me...I know what's going on,I would give blessings but not hate. Pluggy seems to be doing this thingy to make me hate her or something or what's worse...She hates me? But most real,as Dil always says,FUCK IT. I ain't gonna care about her that much anymore. She has Azri for goodness sake,Hezwan...It's okay,don't care about her,drift away... If she wants to do that...I play the same game too. Azri can take care of her and all... So...FUCK IT! Farewell Pluggy. The girl that I once knew her as this crazy,mad gig-going girl who always wear jeans and t-shirts and who doesn't go clubbing but now...well...she changed,people change...but for the two years I've known her,she was always this jeans and t-shirt girl but fuck,now look at her... She wears skirts...and spaghetti top.I mean..what the fuck?! But that's her life,so fuck it! And come to think of it...I look at her,she's better off wearing t-shirts and jeans...Cuz u know why? When I looked at her wearingg that spaghetti top...She looks like an Indo maid...last time,I didn't notice that and always siding her when my friends made fun of her. God,Was I blind or what?! "We'll always be best friends..." Fuck it ah eh,right now,it's more like friends only. If that's what she wants,then I give it to her...I say all this,like I hate her,I don't really hate her...but god damn,why was she that special to me? WHY?! Till now,I still do love her and I still care but she just didn't realise that or maybe she's simply ignorant that she just don't care about how I feel. Sometimes I wonder,does she miss me,does she even thought of me? Cuz I know,I do...And most real,she's going clubbing these days..amazing! Hendrix and all...WoW! The girl that once said..."This will be the first and the last time I'll ever go clubbing..." <--- yeah right! Whatever it is...Blah!!

Ah fuck,feeling fucked up now,I guess I'll stop here...

"Bus-Stop Theory On Love : When ur in love with that someone...and u can't move on after the break up,the reason being that u really really loved her. And ur hoping that when u wait,she'll come back to ya. Now this is where my bus-stop theory kicks in. Ur from Destination A and u have to get to Destination B...U take the first bus (This bus happens to be ur ex) and u need to take two bus to get to destination B. Halfway through ur relationship,things turns sour and everything sucks and u guys break off.Sitting at the bus stop,alone waiting and hoping that the first bus u took,would come back and fetch ya home(Waiting for ur ex can be a nice and great thing to do but if she has moved on,don't wait there like a fool hoping that she'll come back).So rather then waiting at the bus stop,the second bus comes by(Any girls/guys that might come by ur life,and things sparks up,go for that open door opportunity)Take that bus,and go on to Destination B... Slowly,That bus stop will go further away....and u'll slowly reach ur destination. Another words,That's moving on..."