Lost,Confused,Doubtful,Curious,Paranoia...What else?

Feelings...Lost and mixed up feelings that made me went crazy for a while. Shit happens ey? *sigh* Saturday...which was two days back..Went out with No Direction and Family... It was great to see Ina again cuz I sorta miss that girl. And well,argued with pluggy again! All she did was...saying hi to me in an SMS form. But me,being sarcastic asked her on why the sudden hi? After the long disappearance. And we argued from there,I raised up the past and saying about the changes that she had made. I don't even know why did I pick a fight with her. i guess that I missed her too much that i felt so angry that i don't get to be with her anymore. I know that's a lame thought but that was how I felt. I can't deny that i still love her and care for her but fuck,i gotta move on cuz she already moved on,long ago...why am I not moving on? She was too special..and she still is. I didn't want to lose her during that argument..cuz I know that I've lost her once before...and now,I don't want to lose her..again..as a friend this time. I'm glad that things went out okay...and things went back to normal. She called me up last night..and well,we chatted up...in a normal tone..and things was back to normal. Ngast!

My thoughts are now,having doubts with this someone new... Most of u should know right now,whom I'm liking and going out right now...And some of u know that there's another party involved. I'm hangin' on...cuz I still see hope but I ain't putting my hopes high up. She went out with him and I went out with her. Whenever she's with him...i get all jealous and my mind goes wild...having all this crazy thoughts and ideas...and sense of insecurity... And i guess,it goes the same for him when I go out with her. Let's just see how it goes...I'll stand strong...i hope...

For shammie,I guess she hates me now ey? Cuz we don't seem to talk anymore..it's like we're back to being strangers like how we first met. i read her blog...and I love the way she writes her blog. Shammie,if ur reading this,ur a great writer...I like ur style. And ur poems,although I'm not a poet but u did touched me with ur words... But some,it does slash me deep in the chest though...but some..do put smiles on my face. Anyways...I'm sorry for what I've done,I was a total disaster to myself and i ruined ur life once...I'm very sorry for everything...

And one more thing readers...the bus stop theory...it's a total rip off like what Shammie said...except that I've changed the theory a li'l... So orginally,it belongs to shammie...Once again,sorry shammie for using ur theory.

Right now,I'm lost in life...seriously,I seriously don't know what to do anymore. All i do is,slack...slack..and slack...ton here..ton there...Come home late. And it's like,I'm never home every single fuckin' day.Always out... Earliest time is like what..12 and then I'd go home around 2 plus..or 3 or sometimes 6 plus. What the hell am I turning into? Whatever it is,I'm still trying to understand my true self. Trying to find what am I really like..and who am I really...

And to everyone I've offended in any ways...I'm really sorry.
To the kids of #emo...I'd like to say thanks for being so concerned for everyone whenever they're down...u guys are the bestest group of friends I've had.

Cheers mate!