.:: Mundane Tuesday ::.

It's a Tuesday... and it's quite a dull Tuesday... Sorta just got home from B's place.. after an activity of random stuff earlier morning...

The whole thingy started after work yesterday evenin'... I ended my shift at 5pm... Hang out in the cinema to waste some time till about 6 plus... And then head over to BMC (Yes, BMC.. that ol skool jammin' studio where many of us started out from there) to jam with Goodnight Air.. Jammed out with some of the songs.. and a new song.. which I love so much.. hehe... Very catchy... Interestin' tune...

After the jammin'... head off to meet up with B and Lyn at Kadir... had dinner there.. nothin' more than Prata Telur.. hehee.. simple stuff... and after this is where the randomness begins..

Met up with the boys.. head off to HIGH to play Left 4 Dead... Tried out a new game at first.. it's called.. Killing Floor... A li'l interesting but not that pleasing.. like Left 4 Dead... it's a li'l bit too slow moving... And so.. we decided to play L4D after some rounds in Killing Floor... Completed the No Mercy campaign in Expert mode.. and felt happy about it... but somehow, I died at the end.. god damn it! So close... to get away.. and the fuckin' tank had just got to kill me! hahaha... the other three survived...

After the mad gaming... we head off...
To where?
Well.. to look for the best Tahuey in Singapore.. hahaha... We tried at random places.. tried one in Geylang.. but it wasn't nice... so we set off to town area.. lookin' for any Tahuey stall... to me.. that was kinda random... hahaha.. And the guys had been doin' it for a while.. and then... we wanted to look for a popiah stall.. at night.. hahaha..

Well.. after a failed attempt to look for one.. I head off to B's place.. feelin' all sleepy.. BUT.. got some sessioning to do.. and we did.. Me and B did session.. and got some finalise tunes down.. somehow...

So yeah.. that's how my mornin' went.. hehe.. A li'l too long and boring ain't it? hehe...

Aight.. that's about it.. Just writin' in to fill up the emptiness in my blog... I'll write in again if there's interesting stuff...

Cheers!

Firstly, I've not been updatin' my blog because it's either I'm too lazy to type in or I just do not know what to type in... Nothin' interestin' had happened besides the fact that I just got dumped for being some dude who do not have any savings.. so yeah... Here I am.. Writin' in...

.:: It All Boils Back Down To Me ::.

After the whole shit happened... I've been thinkin'... At work when I have like rest periods in between halls... I think... yes.. I think about the stuff that happened...

Havin' flashbacks of the good times... and memorable events with her.. and even the arguments and what not... Come to think of it.. we've been through a lot.. Since I was serving NS to the time where I got into school... and when I graduated.. and now.. when I'm havin' this current job... Wow.. she had been there... And I had been there for her too..

It was all good, the memories...
but the way it ended was a depressing one... not the way I pictured it though...
And I had realised that... it's somehow me... I lead the whole thing to here.. of how it ended...
5 years.. yes.. it's a long time.. but the thing is, it was a li'l too long for her.. she had waited.. and waited... but I couldn't accomplish our dream...
Which is to get engage and settle down...
She said before that her age was catching up on her.. and she felt that it's time to settle down...
From my point of view... I do want to settle down with her, why wouldn't I? we had built up this relationship for a long time.. of course I wanna settle down with her... But the only thing is that's stoppin' me.. is the finance...
I wasn't financially ready...
Heck, I don't even have a friggin' savings account... I can't even take care of myself comfortably... how am I to take care of some one's daughter?
The only thing I wanted to do, was to save up (which I'm doin' now) and like.. have a good amount of income.. or.. savings.. and be a li'l bit comfortable in the finance department.. and only then I'd declare that I"m financially ready..

I wanted the best for her... U know, financially ready so that I can support her.. and let her be as comfortable as she can be once we pass that engagement stage or even the marriage stage... but well, all she looked at... was her age... if only she'd wait a li'l longer.. which she cannot afford to.. I'm guessin' that it's pressure from her parents...

But somehow, I'm the cause of all this... She wasn't happy with us... and I feel that it's me...
I'm sorry for the cause of this...
Whatever it is, I just hope she'll be ok.. and that her new guy will be able to take care of her well.. unlike me.. who couldn't do much...

Money does make the world go round... somehow.. it cannot buy everything, true... but somehow, u need money to make things happen... Even the smallest gifts, u still need cash right?

So I conclude...
It all boils back down to me...


.:: Transformers ::.

Well, the official openin' for Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen is scheduled next week.. June 24th... I have this feeling, that the cinemas are going to have a hard time.. with the crowd and all.. be it Cathay, GV, Eng Wah, Filmgarde and what not... people are going to buzz in and catch the movie... Even me, I'm all excited about it! It's an awesome movie!

So don't forget folks.. June 24th... That's the date...


Oh, and lastly, if u guys are interested in catchin' free shows, I could sneak u guys in... That is.. if it's on a weekday.. it's much easier... just contact me.. and maybe I could get u guys in.. heh heh... Allrighty.. that's about it for now.. I'll write in again.. Cheers!

.:: Thousand Pieces Of The Broken Heart ::.

It's been a few days since the broke up happened...
I'm still lost and in denial... I guess...
Just couldn't accept the fact that she had just chose to leave... just like that... Without any second thoughts and what not... And I guess I can't accept the fact that she said it as though that 5 years was like.. 5 days.. or 5 hours...
5 years... it ain't short... and the kind of break up that she gave.. wasn't the kind of break up someone would give when they had just choose to leave a 5 year old relationship...

A simple sorry, and a simple decision.. and that's it... just like that...
And I guess I can't accept the fact that she lied when she said that she still loves me...
Why can't she just speak the truth? It may hurt but not as bad as this one...
Having someone else on standby when I'm still workin' my ass off to make things right again...

Right when I had plans for her when I get my first pay... To actually take her out on a proper date which we lacked after so long.. I had plans to bring her up high onto the flyer.. and to dine in her favourite restaurant.. and watch movies just like old times...
But all that, went down the drain... I wasn't given a chance to even prove it...

"I still love you.." Blah blah shmada! Call me a sore loser but that's rubbish! Don't say u love me when u don't love me at all! Why do u have to toy with my feelings? And when I asked u why do u still not want us to get back together again, u would come out with stupid reason such as.."Now's just not the time.. I wouldn't my friends to think differently..." BULLSHIT! If u were to truly love me, u wouldn't give a damn what ur friends would say or think...

And all of this, leads to one thing... She had fallen in love with someone else...
Yeah..
That's Right..
Someone else..
Not me... the guy who went through thick and thin for 5 years.. yeah...
Some dude came along.. within like.. 2 or 3 months (all of this while I'm still tryin' to work things out) and she falls in love with him... Wow! Great news ain't it? I worked my ass off for a year and only then I got her!
And this dude.. within' months..
Great ain't it?

I'm just too heartbroken... too betrayed... and I am such a fuckin' fool to actually believe whatever she said... and I felt for it.. I feel so fucked up! She's a liar.. a true true liar and a Grade A+ pretender...
And it made me feel as though history repeats all over again...
Shit like these always happens to me...

Screw this shit! Fuck it... May that dude with muscular body just do whatever he wants to do to her.. or what not.. it's their lives now... Yeah.. I can't force her to love me anymore.. it ain't right.. if she choose him.. then go... Cuz I feel that what's to come.. will be someone who's waaaay fuckin' better than her... if she wants to not care about our 5 years.. I can do that too... Screw u...
U don't deserve that name... Hallie... It's not even close to ur real name.. Noorhalmah...
Thanks for not even caring about how I feel...


.:: The Right Thing To Do ::.

When I was at work just now..
I was thinkin' about her....
Well, in fact.. I thought about her the whole time.. since the day she sent that stupid break up SMS...
Thoughts keep running through my mind...
About those times we had..
About her features..
Her smile and laughter and all...
The arguments we had and such...
Thinkin' at how stupid we were to argue over li'l things...
And lastly,
I kept thinkin'...
What did I ever do wrong?
Where did I go wrong?
And slowly, I learn to accept it...
Well...
Still tryin' to accept it...
And so I thought of her mom... and dad...
For all those years they've been sorta like.. took care of me..
Lettin' me stay at their place,
take me along to their Johore trips, and all those dinners and foods they had treat me to.. and those picnics and such...
5 years is a long year as like how I said before.. and within that 5 years.. they had done so much...

So what I did... was call up her mom...
I thanked her for all those years she had been taking care of me... and I apologised to her if I had offended her in any way...
And she said the same thing...

"Makcik pun gitu jugak lah kalau makcik ada salah silap kata terhadap wan.."
(Likewise if I've did or say anything offensive towards u)

And so we hung up...
For all those years...
Now that I've no chance to repay what they've done for me...
The least I could do was to say thanks...

I just felt that it was the right thing to do...
and...
I had always been treating them like my own family...
and I'm gonna miss that...


.:: Gig Time On Sunday ::.

Tomorrow's the gig...
The gig that we're supposedly to play in but somehow not ready to do so...
So I'll be goin' to the gig to meet up with my camp mate (who happens to be the organiser for the show) and also the rest of the people...

Shyla
Radiant Archery
Misissued
Down One Mile
&
Her Silent Wish

They'll be playin' tomorrow.. So I'm gonna come down to check them out and also to catch up with my camp mate...
Against All Tyrants was suppose to play but they got work to do so they got a replacement: Her Silent Wish...

Her Silent Wish...
The band that wanted us (ATS) so much to play for their album launch...
We want to and we love to
BUT
It's just that we're not ready to play again...
Cuz we have yet to finish songs..
and currently we're still writin' stuff...
I hope that we can get it done soon...

So yeah, tomorrow, after work, I'll be headin' off to the gig at Crawlspace...

Here's the info from what I know...

Gig Location: Crawlspace (Behind Straits Records)
How Much?: I absolutely have no idea but I'd say it's less then 10 bucks?
Time: 5pm onwards
Bands playing: Shyla / Radiant Archery / Down One Mile / Misissued / Her Silent Wish

So yeah, there u go... I hope that's informative.. hahaha...


.:: Moving Forward ::.

Well, I guess I shall not look back and be stuck on one location...
Gotta pick myself up and move on...

That's right!


.:: Slowly But Surely ::.

It may take some time for me to actually pick up the tiny pieces of my broken heart and slowly put it back together... And hopefully, to speed up the healing process... maybe someone could come into my life and mend my broken heart.. together with me?

Who knows ey? As for now... it's me, myself & I... picking up the pieces...and slowly getting up to move on...

Slowly
But
Surely....
I'll eventually move on...


.:: Sign Off ::.

Well, I hope that give u guys some idea of what just happened and what I feel... So yeah... Do take care and read on aight? Thank u guys!

.:: Good 'Ol Hang Out ::.

Two nights ago I went to hang out with the boys again...
Damn, it's been a while since I hung out at night with the guys and it felt good again..
Sorta like a stress reliever or something...

Head over to SJC after work and just met up with the people...
The Paris Guys, Dzul, Bernard, Yan, Dila, Nik & Alfrey..

Had a couple of drinks...
No, not THAT kinda drinks.. but normal drinks..
U know, "Kopi Peng", "Teh-O Ice Limau" and what not...
and had a couple of good laughs... it's awesome...
They never fail to make my day, every time!

And yesterday... we had a Left 4 Dead session! It's been a while since I play it.. and damn, it felt good to play it again...
There was 8 of us and we could have played the versus mode but the original team (Me, Suhayl, Yan and Bernard) wanted to accomplish our survival mode timing... And the longest we lasted in this one was...
7 mins 40 secs
It's considered good but to us, it wasn't a satisfying one.. we could have gone longer...
Most of the time it was my fault.. hehehe.. Sorta like loss touch with the game but now gettin' it back on.. so yeah! hahaha..
The other four dudes (Dzafir, Zad, Dzul & Inn) played their own campaign game...
They had their stories and we had ours.. hahaha..

So yeah, it's all good to be able to meet up again...


.:: The End Of A Long Chapter ::.

Looks like the 5 year long chapter finally ended...
Although I didn't really want it to end but somehow, it ended...
To be exact..
5 years 5 months...
Hallie...
The name that some of u heard about...
Hallie...
The one that existed only as a name but not really in person...
Cuz most of u only hear about her but don't really know or seen or met Hallie...
And some of u, don't even know I had a girlfriend...
Hehe...
Well, I guess it truly ended... although my heart says no it didn't...
Or maybe, I'm just in denial and can't accept the truth?
I mean, it's been 5 years.. u know.. it's kinda long...
Maybe to some of u it ain't that long but to me, this was the longest one...
It's hard for me to let go but if she really wants it.. that by all means... Leave...
But the only thing that makes me a li'l unhappy about.. is to the reason... Why?
I have yet to know the reason why she left....
I just want a closure so that I can rest at ease about this...
Is it so hard for her to actually like open up and let me know the whole true reason behind it..

Is it because of her parents? Not liking me anymore?
Is it because there's someone else in her life that she had just got interested in?
Is it because that her feelings changed for me?
Is it because that she no longer loves me?

Why pretend all this while? Why? Why can't u just speak the truth and hurt me there and then rather than lettin' me know about it later and hurt me deeper...

All those "I Love You" Or the names she calls me by.. why?
I just can't accept it...
A great pretender she is...
It sorta saddens me and yet make me angry about it.. it's a mix mix feeling...
And until today, she don't message or call me anymore...

Last message I got was this,

"Hezwan.. Im sorry i dont think we will workout with each other.. I did some thinking and i decided to let u go.. I going to move on my life with someone else.. Sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way.. I hope u understand but we still can be friends.."

This is the exact thing that she wrote to me...
And it was like.. out of the blue!
And like, a few days before I met her and we hung out...
Everything was so normal and truly, I had fun with her...
We chatted, played some games and just talk... and it was wonderful..
And a few days later, BAM!
That's what I got..
Now isn't that sucky?
It's either it's her parents.. or there is some other dude.. or her friends like.. sayin' things to make her think that way...
It's bothering me.. that's for sure...
I..
Just...
Want...
CLOSURE!

I guess that's enough about it... The more I blab about it, the more it hurts... Just felt like ranting it out... so yeah...

Hallie No More?
I guess it's really true?
Well, let's just... see...
*Sigh*


.:: Screen New Movies Please ::.

Seriously, Filmgarde needs to screen more new movies at once cuz this current "new" ones are gettin' old already.. hehe..
Like I said before, workin' as an usher/cleaner... I get to watch movies for free...
So, every time I have to clear the hall, I have to watch the movie.. and well, it comes to the point where I almost memorize the whole part! Or the whole show! hahahaha...
So new movies! SOON!!!

All right folks, I guess I'll just end it here... Eyes are almost shut... gotta sleep, tomorrow is another workin' day... Cheers everyone!

.:: Ola To All ::.

Hey hey hey! Here I am...
Finally got a chance to at least... write in whatever I did or feel.. and what not...
Like what blog should be like...

Been a li'l crazy with work lately...
As in the working hours.. hehe.. And well, kinda shagged out after work normally..

Many things had happened in the past few days since I last blog..


.:: Short Retarded Fucktard ::.

Watched a couple of movies already... Made friends with the people already and knowing who I can trust and who I can like, talk to and joke around with...

They're all right but only one or two of them that I hate.. and I'm not surprised, even the others do not really like them... They're one of those... fucktards who thinks that they are damn wise.. and know everything.. U know what I'm talkin' about? These kind of characters.. where.. they're like.. fuckin' unfriendly.. Just because they worked there longer doesn't mean they have the right to be that way...

I was told by this Short guy.. well, he's the shortest fucker ever... for a guy.. and he looks retarded as fuck.. a typical mat rip... So yeah.. he told me about somthin'..

There was, mindin' my own business up front cuz I was appointed to tear the tickets... And there he was, standin' upstairs.. and he was like takin' notice of me.. And slowly, he steps down.. and he approached me...

"Wan, kau koyak ticket lembab ah, apa yang kau tengok tengok sia?"
("Wan, Ur slow at tearing tickets, what were u looking at?")

So i was like... wow, what did I do? I mean, it's tearin' tickets and I was lookin' to double check and also to speak to the patrons.. U know.. like.."Hall 4 is the second hall on the left ma'am/sir.. enjoy ur show!" U know, this simple things that could somewhat cheer a person up or somethin...

Anyways, the short fuck said that.. and I was like lost..
So I told him..
"Apa yang aku lembab? Salah ke aku koyak gini?"
("What makes u say I'm slow? Is it wrong with the way I tear it?")

And so, he said that he will show the way of tearing the tickets.. and he took over..
And I watched..
And well... Wow.. that's ur version of tearing ticket..??
Which is like.. almost exactly what I did! And he wasn't exactly tearing it faster then I did.. if was about the same..
So what makes me slow at tearing tickets?
What? If u were to tear it quickly, u'll get somekind of award?
Maybe like a friggin' spot in the fuckin' guiness book of records?
"Fastest Movie Ticket Tearer In The World - Short Fuck Of Filmgarde"
Fuckin' retard! I so fuckin' hate him.. I just hope he would tumble and fall down the stairs when he's cleanin' the hall and then knock his head against the edge of the seats or something and just die of internal head injuries or something...
Retarded short fucktard!


.:: Sweet Morning Shift ::.

Ah... nothing like the morning shift..
I love it, a li'l quieter.. Peaceful...
Not that hectic..
And the best part...
Short Retard don't work in the morning...

So yeah... 9-5 tomorrow...
Makin' friends with the Box Office people.. They're ok..
I guess I was wrong.. first impression isn't always it...
They look like they wanna eat someone up or somethin',.. but when u talk to them.. they're ok..


.:: Yat's Fed Up ::.

My poor poor li'l Yat...
Is all fed up with her work..
The people there are drivin' her nuts..
And so,
she seeks a new job...

Well my dear, confirm with me again, ok?
This Thursday! See ya there!


.:: Ol Skool Guy ::.

The other time... Where it was the finals or somethin'...
Guess who came?
Dila! Dil! Fuckin' ol skool guy!

He's not been hangin' out with us for some time due to work and he got his own shit to settle.. and well, it was nice to see him hangin' out with us again..

Miss hearin' his jokes.. his stupid silly jokes that had always made us laugh...
Still the same Dil as the Dil we have all known years ago...

He's gettin' married next year...
Man, everyone who had either, crossed path with me in life
or still with me in life...
is already either gettin' engaged or married...
Wow!
And what about me?
...
...
HELL NO! Hahahahaha!
I mean, of course I would want to settle down and just be married...
BUT...
I can't even support and take care of my own self right now
and I want to take care of someone else's daughter?
No way man.. not a good plan...
I wanna make sure that I'm financially stable and truly ready to support that someone,
only then I'm ready to step up the plate and just... get married...
As for now, I'm leavin' it the way it is...
I'm happier! Hahaha!


.:: Project Natal ::.

I am damn glad that I had bought an Xbox rather than the PS 3... Not sayin' that PS 3 is not god.. but just sayin' that.. Xbox is comin' out with new insane stuff!

First of all, I'd like to say that...
Left 4 Dead 2 is coming out this November 17th!
FINALLY!!
They will have new special infected, new weapons, new survivors.. and what not!

Anyways, that's besides the point here...
I was watchin' E3 just now.. and oh my god.. new stuff coming out...
And one of it.. is this thing called..
Project Natal.
The technology is amazing...
It's a motion detection device..
Which also has a facial recognition and a voice recognition as well.. and it's fuckin' amazing!
U interact with the game.. and it's a whole new experience in gaming...
My words cannot express much or explain.. so I'm gonna link up some videos for u guys to watch..
Watch it, guys and girls.. watch it.. it's fun for everyone!



This one above is the trailer of what's to come! Cool or what?!



This one above is to roughly let u have an idea of how the games would be...



Now, this one above.. is the most insane thing ever!! U can interact with the character and u can talk to him and he will react to u.. and he can detect if ur sad or ur happy just by recognising ur voice. And it's fuckin' amazing! JUST WATCH IT! Please.. watch it.. it's cool!