.:: Thousand Pieces Of The Broken Heart ::.

It's been a few days since the broke up happened...
I'm still lost and in denial... I guess...
Just couldn't accept the fact that she had just chose to leave... just like that... Without any second thoughts and what not... And I guess I can't accept the fact that she said it as though that 5 years was like.. 5 days.. or 5 hours...
5 years... it ain't short... and the kind of break up that she gave.. wasn't the kind of break up someone would give when they had just choose to leave a 5 year old relationship...

A simple sorry, and a simple decision.. and that's it... just like that...
And I guess I can't accept the fact that she lied when she said that she still loves me...
Why can't she just speak the truth? It may hurt but not as bad as this one...
Having someone else on standby when I'm still workin' my ass off to make things right again...

Right when I had plans for her when I get my first pay... To actually take her out on a proper date which we lacked after so long.. I had plans to bring her up high onto the flyer.. and to dine in her favourite restaurant.. and watch movies just like old times...
But all that, went down the drain... I wasn't given a chance to even prove it...

"I still love you.." Blah blah shmada! Call me a sore loser but that's rubbish! Don't say u love me when u don't love me at all! Why do u have to toy with my feelings? And when I asked u why do u still not want us to get back together again, u would come out with stupid reason such as.."Now's just not the time.. I wouldn't my friends to think differently..." BULLSHIT! If u were to truly love me, u wouldn't give a damn what ur friends would say or think...

And all of this, leads to one thing... She had fallen in love with someone else...
Yeah..
That's Right..
Someone else..
Not me... the guy who went through thick and thin for 5 years.. yeah...
Some dude came along.. within like.. 2 or 3 months (all of this while I'm still tryin' to work things out) and she falls in love with him... Wow! Great news ain't it? I worked my ass off for a year and only then I got her!
And this dude.. within' months..
Great ain't it?

I'm just too heartbroken... too betrayed... and I am such a fuckin' fool to actually believe whatever she said... and I felt for it.. I feel so fucked up! She's a liar.. a true true liar and a Grade A+ pretender...
And it made me feel as though history repeats all over again...
Shit like these always happens to me...

Screw this shit! Fuck it... May that dude with muscular body just do whatever he wants to do to her.. or what not.. it's their lives now... Yeah.. I can't force her to love me anymore.. it ain't right.. if she choose him.. then go... Cuz I feel that what's to come.. will be someone who's waaaay fuckin' better than her... if she wants to not care about our 5 years.. I can do that too... Screw u...
U don't deserve that name... Hallie... It's not even close to ur real name.. Noorhalmah...
Thanks for not even caring about how I feel...


.:: The Right Thing To Do ::.

When I was at work just now..
I was thinkin' about her....
Well, in fact.. I thought about her the whole time.. since the day she sent that stupid break up SMS...
Thoughts keep running through my mind...
About those times we had..
About her features..
Her smile and laughter and all...
The arguments we had and such...
Thinkin' at how stupid we were to argue over li'l things...
And lastly,
I kept thinkin'...
What did I ever do wrong?
Where did I go wrong?
And slowly, I learn to accept it...
Well...
Still tryin' to accept it...
And so I thought of her mom... and dad...
For all those years they've been sorta like.. took care of me..
Lettin' me stay at their place,
take me along to their Johore trips, and all those dinners and foods they had treat me to.. and those picnics and such...
5 years is a long year as like how I said before.. and within that 5 years.. they had done so much...

So what I did... was call up her mom...
I thanked her for all those years she had been taking care of me... and I apologised to her if I had offended her in any way...
And she said the same thing...

"Makcik pun gitu jugak lah kalau makcik ada salah silap kata terhadap wan.."
(Likewise if I've did or say anything offensive towards u)

And so we hung up...
For all those years...
Now that I've no chance to repay what they've done for me...
The least I could do was to say thanks...

I just felt that it was the right thing to do...
and...
I had always been treating them like my own family...
and I'm gonna miss that...


.:: Gig Time On Sunday ::.

Tomorrow's the gig...
The gig that we're supposedly to play in but somehow not ready to do so...
So I'll be goin' to the gig to meet up with my camp mate (who happens to be the organiser for the show) and also the rest of the people...

Shyla
Radiant Archery
Misissued
Down One Mile
&
Her Silent Wish

They'll be playin' tomorrow.. So I'm gonna come down to check them out and also to catch up with my camp mate...
Against All Tyrants was suppose to play but they got work to do so they got a replacement: Her Silent Wish...

Her Silent Wish...
The band that wanted us (ATS) so much to play for their album launch...
We want to and we love to
BUT
It's just that we're not ready to play again...
Cuz we have yet to finish songs..
and currently we're still writin' stuff...
I hope that we can get it done soon...

So yeah, tomorrow, after work, I'll be headin' off to the gig at Crawlspace...

Here's the info from what I know...

Gig Location: Crawlspace (Behind Straits Records)
How Much?: I absolutely have no idea but I'd say it's less then 10 bucks?
Time: 5pm onwards
Bands playing: Shyla / Radiant Archery / Down One Mile / Misissued / Her Silent Wish

So yeah, there u go... I hope that's informative.. hahaha...


.:: Moving Forward ::.

Well, I guess I shall not look back and be stuck on one location...
Gotta pick myself up and move on...

That's right!


.:: Slowly But Surely ::.

It may take some time for me to actually pick up the tiny pieces of my broken heart and slowly put it back together... And hopefully, to speed up the healing process... maybe someone could come into my life and mend my broken heart.. together with me?

Who knows ey? As for now... it's me, myself & I... picking up the pieces...and slowly getting up to move on...

Slowly
But
Surely....
I'll eventually move on...


.:: Sign Off ::.

Well, I hope that give u guys some idea of what just happened and what I feel... So yeah... Do take care and read on aight? Thank u guys!