[ Channel Watching : Star World - Darma & Greg ] [ Mood :-: Downed ]

Likee what my mood says..downed...I'm totally downed by everything. I suck...I'm a jerk,I'm an asshole..or whatever u wanna say it. i disappointed many people and hurt a few. Betrayed a few people. And I somehow feel or sense that a few people is beginning to hate me...I don't know... Sometimes I just feel like running away..disappear from others be away...be gone! Sometimes I feel that would be better...Just be alone,without having the thoughts and care and worries of how others would feel if I were to do things...or how would this person say when I hang out with this other bunch of friends..or how that other bunch of friends feel when I hang out with this bunch of friends. Should I get a new life? A new lifestyle? new Friends?

No Way! I love my friends...can't live without them...and especially my band,I would seriously not know what to do if I were to be out of the band...I'll be a lost fuck. I guess,that is why they're mad at me...I'm drifting away and yes,I admit that...I feel that way too..I'm drifting away. Without realizing and being concious about it..I'm drifting away. And this ain't the first time that they ain't happy bout me...It's more than one,that I know. And I know that I'm the trouble in the band. And now a days...god knows how I feel...I feel weird,awkward and all. I got one month left to prove myself worthy of the band...to change my attitude towards them..if not... Be Gone.So i must shape up or else I'll have to ship out.

As for Pluggy...I don't know,the day of the gig...since the first moment we met...I felt this coldness...the way she talk to me,look at me...something's not right..but she didn't say anything. When questioned,she says..."It's Nothing"... I don't know...and it's like,we're drifting apart..totally..not that close anymore like how we were before...

As for Shammie...things not going like how I've promised...about being friends...I mean,from my view,we're still are...but we just don't talk anymore... It's sorta of that..I know u but not that much anymore...From stranger to friends to something and back to friends and now...it's the sort of Hi-Bye kinda friend. I don't know...

As for the band... Currently,things not going good,the rest hate the way I do things,hate the way I treat them. And I agree,I am a jack ass...And Dzafir,ur right...I'm a sucka for a girl..yes I agree! I'm an asshole. And yeah,I don't call u guys up like how i did before...and I'm slowly disappearing... And I should change..for the band. And the promise we kept to one another..."Even if we're in a relationship,the band comes first"... Damn I suck...It seems like i can't keep that promise.. The band comes first..cuz when the girl goes...the band's there for me... Ainun..they were there when she left...Pluggy..They're still here when she left...Why can't I see that...I'm too blinded by a girl or something? No wonder...Blindedheart... i must change myself for the band...One month...that's all I've got to prove myself worthy...

As for my family... It's like..I'm a stayover person. The house is like my hotel...I mean,these past few months,I've been out...and out...and out..without staying home. It's like,I come home,to stay the night..have food..and then go out again. That is why my mom's nagging away...My bad...But i can't help it,staying home..will cause more hate..cuz I know..if I stay home..me and my mom..would argue..so it's best..to go out..and I'm sick of my home...god knows why...I'm just sick of it.

As for my life... It's on the downside right now...Things are not going the way I see it... Now I'm on the rocky part of the sea...*sigh*.. I don't know...whatever it is..I still have to go through it.

As for her... Something's going on between us...we're clicking away and we're getting somewhere but it's because of this...betrayal arises...I won't mention names...but i've betrayed two people cuz of this. A few others...sorta disagree on me going out with her...But I have feelings for her...and it's growing every single time I see her... Let's just see how things goes.

Lastly...Mint,Irma,Nuwul,Mira,Anah.... I wanna thank u people for being there.... Thanks for everything thanks for coming up to me and all...Thanks for everything..once again..especially Mint... Ur a sweetie!

Offheidesen!