Hamster

Radwimps - Me Me She

Sunday, January 18, 2004

This next few entries are from the diary I wrote...Enjoy reading...

Monday, January 12th, 2004

*sigh* Another day in the army,life is pretty fucked up when ur in camp. Tekong's kinda nice but some things...simply ain't as nice as being at home. I dragged myself to Pasir Ris Interchange yesterday for the booking in. Now I know how B feels when he was in BMT. It really sucks. Jammed with No Direction yesterday at Carudi's in Boat Quey and the feeling of not being able to slack with them really sucks. Saying goodbye was kinda sad cuz I only get to see them once a week now. Seeing lesser of everyone and I really missed them.

No Direction Family,#emo kids,BK Slackers,First Chapter... Missed them all. HOw I wish I could have the time like how I had it the last time... Free as a bird.

Ain't got any news from Nina and it has been almost a month,the same period as how long I've been in here.

Just got a message from Nina right after my lunch break. Right now,I'm having admin time(Admin time,meaning...Free time) till 4:30 and it's only 1:50. Long rest to wonder and think of what's to become. I deserve the treatment Nina's givin' me and she have all the rights to be mad at me. I can't blame her cause it's my fault. I'm missing her...a lot. As days goes by,my morale is slowly going down. I'm stuck in this shit for a few more months before I get posted out to a unit. I don't know what to do,should I keep on trying to work things out with Nina? Or should I drop the idea and move on like what I've been doing for the past few relaionships I had?

Got to know this girl through a wrong message sent on the phone. She was sending a message to her friend but somehow it ended up on my phone. So,I made the move to know her. I learnt that she's 17,livin' in Bukit Batok and schoolin' in ITE Clementi. Could this be some kind of a sign? I don't know and I can't say and I'm afraid to even try to put in effort to begin a new realtionship. Been hurt and been failing. I fell waaay to much and one day...I can't even pick myself up to move on...

Tuesday, January 13th, 2004

Time now is roughly 10:30am,can't see the company's clock from afar. Right now,my platoon is sittin' at the training shack,waitin' to go for our first grenade range. We'll be using dummies...of course.

Earlier in the morning,the whole company was fucked cuz our bunks and toilets were not up to standard. After comin' back from our morning brisk walk,the CSM "Tekan" us big time. Everyone sweated like mad. My morale was brought down once again. Felt like wetting my eyes with tears but I hold it in. I was thinking of home and how I missed everyone.

Right now,I'm feeling a li'l bit better than how I was before. We might be having a stand by bed in a while and if it ain't up to the CSM's standard,we're fucked. Meaning...confinement. No booking out this weekend.

2:00pm:- Just came back from that stupid range and went to lunch. Saw a couple of new enlistees with their families,somehow...that reminded me of the day I enlist. Right now,we're waitin' again to go back to that stupid grenade range. I'm feeling shagged and body's achin' all over the place. I just wished this stupid army shit ends. I wished that they would at least give us a day to rest. I feel as if I'm losin' my mind or somethin'.

Wednesday, January 14th, 2004

11:40am:- Three days had past and this is my third day here,only the third day and boy,it sure does feels so slow and like I've said before,time goes oh-so-slowly. Muslim eaters have to wait cuz the canteen's being used by those enlistees again. 1 o'clock, that's the time to fall in. Everybody's packin' up their stuff for IFC (Individual Field Craft)

I recieved an SMS from p|uGGy after a long time of not hearin' from her. I seriously missed her and I can't do anythin' about it since I'm in this stupid place. Amidst the waitin',I was thinking of the times I had with p|uGGy...memories just sets in my mind of those moments. For now,I guess I have to focus on this shit first... Gotta go and pack up my SBO...I'll write in again...

Thursday, January 15th, 2004

Yesterday was one hell of a day... Trainin' was tough and I was all shagged up. Got a message from p|uGGy yesterday and it was great to hear her voice plus Mik's voice. Cute li'l bugger.

Right now as I'm writin' this entry,I'm in a middle of the forest somewhere in Tekong. Saw two wild boars while marchin' and they were huge! Ran past us like a bullet, glad it didn't ram any of us. This field lessons gonna go on till evenin'...I think...Gotta go and pay attention,I'll write in again...

Just had lunch and boy, the queue was god damn long. New enlistees came in again, so there was their parents and all, that's the reasong why the queue was long. I'm back in the fields again, learnin' how to manouvuer and fire. Everyone in my platoon is goin' through fatigue. It's a long way to go...one more day...

Time now is roughly 10:48 and it's past my lights off time. Everybody in my platoon always look forward to night time cuz that's when we can rest and do whatever we want to. Right now, I'm laying on my bed,messaging Nisya while writin' down this entry. I have only one more day to go...just...one...more...to book out.

Friday, January 16th, 2004

Damn,it feels so god damn slow. Havin' a lecture now,waitin' for the OC to come over and give us a talk. Gettin' kinda noisy in here... It's all about discipline. Discipline this,discipline that...Fuck discipline, we're bein' treated like dogs here. Rushin' time,jammed up schedules... This week had been one hell of a week. Heavy trainin', that's the word. There's more in store... Two more months to go. I'll be havin' IFC again after lunch... There's a test on camouflaging... Which means that we have to pluck out those leaves from our surroundings and blend in so that enemy can't see us. Lasy day to endure before bookin' out. I heard rumours that we're bookin' out in the mornin' tomorrow. I hope that everything goes well. Be back again durin' my free time. Before that, I just learnt that one of my platoon mate is someone who knows Ainun. A familiar name without a face and now, it has. Firdaus, the guy who I chatted with about Ainun years back is no now in the same platoon. Small world huh? Who knows, the next thing...a distant relative or somethin' is in my platoon too? hehehe. Talkin' about Ainun, she'll be turnin' 20 tomorrow. January 17th...her birthday... It's still in my head even after 4 years of not keepin' in touch with her. All the best to her...Once again,Be back..

I'm back again, after a long day. Had that camouflaging test and I, somehow failed on the concealment station. I didn't break the outline of my body well. My whole section was covered up with mud and we were all dirty. Had fun in all, although the aftermath kinda sucked. Had to clean off the mud stains. Some of the guys in my section are asleep while some others are either messagin' or talkin' on the phone or one another. The bond in my section is gettin' stronger each day. Reminds me of the show, Band Of Brothers.

Right now, I'm messagin' Nisya while writin' this entry. SMSed Ainun just now to wish her a happy birthday but I don't think she would even wanna hear from me. Pulled through the week,survived and endured and somehow, I earned this book out... CHEERS!
It's been a week..and god damn..it sure did felt so long. Came back yesterday morning...went out to jamming with both First Chapter & No Direction...It was both..a bad session. FIrst Chapter,it sucks,cuz the fuckin' drums was not in tune and the snare..was fucked...As for No Direction,I'm dissapointed with myself..Seem to forget everything... So,it sucked for me yesterday. After jammin' at Retro Cafe...we head down to East Coast for Jessie's chalet/pit... Had fun though... Was happy to see everyone...I missed them all..big time...especially p|uGGy...Get to hang out with her. And at the chalet,hanged out there till 4 plus...in the morning..that is..and then I went back home. It was whacked to see some of 'em gettin' drunk and talkin' shit... Insane...puking all over...things like that... Today,I'll be going back at 7:45pm...must be in "Paris" by 7:45 that is... Anyways...the next few entries..will be from the account of my one week in camp last week...

Sunday, January 04, 2004

It's a Sunday...There's a gig today,Dzul's playing and I don't get to see 'em. My Precious,Stomping Ground,Dyfectra and a few others. I'll be going for a jammin' session with First Chapter in a while and it's been a long time since we've last jammed. So I ain't sure if I could remember any of it. Tonight's my book in day... Next week,life range...Life or live...fuck...I feel that my english spellings is going to the drains... I seem to forget which one to use and how the spelling goes. It's been two years since I've touched the books.

Right now,I'm sitting in front of the comp with a plate of sardines and a loaf of bread... Still wondering...why did she call me in the morning? I woke up...dissapointed at myself...Cuz I saw my missed call...it read "My AnGeL"...meaning..it's her... Calling at 3 plus in the morning...I wondered...Was it a missed dial,meaning she accidently pressed my number? Was it...she called me up to chat or to ask me on how I'm doing? All of these thoughts came into my mind... I do miss her...But from what I see....I don't think it's workin' out... Efforts put in,wasted...

Went to Mom's wedding yesterday...(Mom a.k.a Arafah) It was great to see her in the bridal clothes and smiling.. Wow,can't believe that she's married. She's my age,20 and she was one of the pioneer chatters of #ska and she's the first among my friends to get married. Simply said,the first friend to get married. I came in my stupid Smart 4 uniform...cuz I was from OCS (Officer Cadet School). I felt weird,being the only one who's wearing that...I felt out. Slacked there...with Dil,Nora,Sofyn,Dzafir,Dzul,Inn & Fad... Played the band game and stuff. After a while,went back while the rest set off to Tamp BK. I went home to change... and I went out again to join up with them.

It was madness...had fun,laughing...Kecohness... a li'l late at night,Tweet joined up... and Nurl was there.... I guess that they met up by accident or something... The madness continues... After a while...everybody went home....

The guys are telling me to go for this one girl....and somehow,they're trying to match me up with her...but I don't know,still have that someone in my mind. If things still stays the same...and continues being stale....I guess the only option...is to move on. Maybe...I should get to know that girl better first...

"You'll laugh thinking of the tears you shed...you'll cry thinking of the laughs you had..."

Thursday, January 01, 2004

Book out days had past...I'm a li'l bit better..but not yet recovered....still coughing and my temperature...rises and falls... Today's the new year...Wow...that fast..it's 2004...

Yesterday was a terrible day... it was okay..but thanks to the fucked up network...people are havin' red eyes on me... I was suppose to meet up with the No Direction Family at night for the new year celebration... Dzafir called me up in the afternoon askin' me if I wanna join..I said maybe...when I get better...and the #emo kids asked me too...I told them the same thing...Well..I did get better...so my plan...was to meet up with the #emo kids evening time and then meet up with ND family till morning....And before that..I did tell Dzafir that I'll call him to through Sofyn to tell him that I'll be comin'. So there I go,meeting up with the #emo kids. Hanged out at BK...went to play CS at Pavilion..with Suhayl,Rabia,Dil,Fad,Dzul and later Inn joined to play... After the CS session..which was roughly around 10 plus I called Sofyn up to ask her..where they are and where to meet...that kinda stuff...So I called..Dialled her number...Three times...but to no success. So I thought that Sofyn purposely didn't wanna pick up...or that the network was fucked up. So I messaged her. While waitin' for the response...Inn & Dzul was askin'..where I'm headin'..I said I don't know,I'm waitin' for Sofyn's reply to tell me where they are...so that I know where to go. Dzul's with anything..and Inn wanted to go town...The others..they just go with the flow. Amidst the waitin' of Sofyn's reply..Mon called me up...askin' me,where should we meet...so I told her..I don't know,I called Sofyn,but she didn't pick up and Mon told me the same thing... In my mind,thinkin' that Sofyn did that on purpose..sorry to say..but I'm being honest here. So yeah..I asked mon..where she's going,she said she's going to meet up with Tweet first...so okay...I told her I'll message her.. In the mean time..my group,walked to Tampines MRT Station,u know..the toilet side..where there's seats. I messages mon again and again... Still no response..now I'm like thinking,are they both,doing this on purpose?

It was 12 plus...and the train from Tamp...had long gone...(Note: Last train from Tamp is 12..from town is 1) A few minutes later..ONLY then those messages came in...FUCKED UP NETWORK! All the replies I got from sofyn and mon..askin' me where am I...and mon saying..meet up at "Durian" place...and another message saying call them when I'm there... And there I was,feeling fucked up..torn apart by two groups... I can't go to esplanade..last train had long gone..and same goes for the buses...I would take the cab..if I had 15 bucks with me,but too bad...I only got few cents in my coin "pouch". And now,They're mad at me... Thinkin' that I did this on purpose..not wanting to see them... LIke I said in my previous entry...call me what u want... If u guys want to believe me...go ahead..and if u guys don't wanna believe me..go ahead...only god knows...

#emo kids..in the end,decided to ton at Sunplaza Park...All dressed up for town..in the end..Sunplaza Park where we go... Nice... Bought food from S-11 in Tampines... brought it over to Sunplaza Park...ate there...playe cards there...laughed there...and I got to highlight..farted a lot there.. Almost everyone...farted...I think it's the food we bought. Played Taitee,Played Bluff and most real..played this card game called "ragam"... We laughed big time...Somehow,that freed my mind away for a while... WEnt back home this morning...around 7 plus..I got home. Slept,cuz I was kinda shagged... woke up at 2. A few more hours,to bookin' in time. Hello tekong again...

To those to read my blog,felt offended,or felt intruded..I'm sorry...but I'm speakin' out my truthful honest opinion...take it...or don't ever read my blog... And to those...who worried about me cuz of my previous entry...don't worry...I'll be fine...I'll talk..when I feel like talkin' about it...for now,Tekong is my only concentration...

"Everytime I'm out...I would spend time with u guys...in fact..since my first book out..it was u guys... I'll make it up to u guys...one whole day..from the time I book out..till the next day...deal? HOpe so...if not,then Lan Lan...it ain't my luck then..."

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

What is going on? I feel that I'm sick of everything back home...I feel as if I'm long forgotten or something... I'm just a shadow of my past now... Maybe I should stray away? Maybe I shouldn't... Book out and not tell anyone back home...and book in without informing anyone...All they know,I'm in there...They wouldn't even know I'm back home.

Everytime,I'm back home...that someone I miss....she doesn't seem to exist... And why,do I have this feeling...that our connection is no longer there...Why am I having doubts about that someone... Intuition? I miss her and yeah..maybe she does miss me too but I can't be too sure about that.. Cuz I don't have that special feelings anymore...U guys ever have that feeling...when someone special says something simple yet amazing to ya..and ur heart began to skip...u know..that kinda feeling...well..I used to have that feeling...but now a days..I don't... Who am I to say all this..maybe she meant it...Hate me all u want...forget me if u want to...cuz to me...it seems that I no longer exist in u...

I might be going out in a while...Sick or not...I"m still going out..let it be...Who cares anyways..besides my family and close friends... I know..that some of u..might hate me for typing this out...but hey...this is MY BLOG...I type out..what I wanna type out... Jerk,asshole,butthead,pathetic bastard...whatever u call me...go ahead...

Tekong's my home now,I shall forget everything here....I'm one of the men of the Island of Tekong... That's my home..and singapore's my casual visiting point... So yeah...that's what I wanna say...

Hate me,Diss Me,Badmouth Me,do whatever u wanna do to me...I don't care..I don't mind...cuz I no longer exist...

Cheers!
Hey ho peeps...I'm back...actually...I was back yesterday...got an early book out cuz my status was Attend C... I got fever..a very high fever..and I wasn't feeling well... Checked my temperature..it was 39.1 at first...after that..it went down a li'l when I was at the Medical Centre...38.6...So I booked out early...10 plus in the mornin'...when my whole company..was suppose to book out at night..around 9:45... I felt bad..I felt as if I don't earn that book out...And most real..I missed my IMT lessons...(IMT..some marksmanship training..it's like a game but ur holding onto a real M-16 rifle...but ur shooting at some digital targets upfront)...I hope that the guys don't mind me goin' back home earlier than them...

When I got home,my head seem to be heavier than how it felt before I got home...I was shivering cuz it felt kinda cold..and I was so fuckin' dizzy....so I slept..the whole day yesterday...

My previous book out..was kinda fun...It would have been more fun if B was around... Went to the gig in Guiness Theatre...Watched Elisabelle's Tears play...they were fuckin' awesome..accept that the fact..they were a bit off....I guess they were kinda high...after drinking before their show...but they were...fantastic... Got free entry thanks to one of the malaysian bands guy... After that..we head down to Boat Quey area...well..not exactly at Boat Quey itself but the seats opposite the river... LIstening to all the different techno beats,hip hop beats and some other beats...we laughed..we had fun.. and most real...we played Truth Or Dare... That was insane! Dzafir,Sofyn,Azri,p|uGGy,D'Omar & Fidah...Before that,Khus was with us but he met his friends later at Jamz 2000... Had lots of laughter and some crazy shit...it was fun... Went back around 3 plus in the morning that day...

As for today...I ain't got any idea of what to do..I'm sick..most probably..I might not be out...but then again,with my stubborness...I might just go out... By then,everyone would get sick because of me...Buahahaha! Today's New Year's Eve...What the heck...why do people make it a big "HOO-HA" just because the number changes from 2003 to 2004... Every year..the same old shit. Everytime I make a new year's resolution...none of them was achieved...So..fuck it...If I get a li'l better...I might go out today.. let's just see how it goes...

Tomorrow's my book in day...8 pm...Wow..long book out... Well,gotta take my medicine...so..take care u guys...I'll be writing in again...Peace!

CHEERS!

"Memories of that day,simply got into my head when we were having fun...Good memories...Thanks for everything."

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Damn..it's nice to be home again...although that it had only been...almost two weeks but being in there..(Tekong)...a day...can be like 2 years... start off the day in the morning..5:45...bla bla bla..do this..do that...training..excercise...when ur all tired and stuff..lookin' up in the sky..thinkin' it's like 3 or 4 plus in the afternoon but when I look at the clock..it reads "10:42am"...it's like..fuckin' hell...time goes...so fuckin' slow in there. When I first came in,I know no one in there...well.except for some..even that...they're not in the same platoon as I am. Lost and not knowing of what to do,I follow the instructions given. Got my platoon,got my company...and lastly..my section...

Echo Company (Easy Company,hehe),Platoon 1... Section 4.. Got my bunk,got to know the guys..and fuckin' hell..most of my bunkmates..are jokers...non stop laughin'... Even at lights off...the laughin' continues... WIthin 3 days..we're like brothers..from strangers to brothers... Showing signs of care,unity.. Takin' care of one another when one fails..or have no motivation. It's great,great to be there...somehow.

1st night,I slept like a pig,I don't know why...maybe I'm used to being away from home...hehe..But about four days later I began to miss home...Missed my slackin' days...missed the guys at home... Althought it's only a small distance across the sea...it sure does feel as if I'm far away from home. Each night...I thought of everyone,my band..my family..pluggy...irma..#emo kids and most of the time..I thought about Nina. It's been some time since I last hear from her... Missing her the most. I drew somethin' in my notebook during my weapon handling lecture...I drew some sort of a graffiti artwork spelling out her full name and beside it..the back half of a vespa... Cuz,the vespa,reminds me of her. I hope she's doing fine,I hope she do think about me...Maybe she is thinking of me..it's just that I don't know...

MOst of the time,at night,I would just lay there on the bed..thinking of the times I had with the boys and sometimes..I laughed alone...DIlah,Sammy,Fad,Inn,Ik,Suhayl....THe usual bunch whom I hangout with when it comes to #emo kids... But like what Azri told...Tekong is tekong and Singapore is Singapore...don't bring ur Singapore problems into Tekong..simply focus on what ur suppose to do in tekong that's what I did and somehow...it keeps my mind off things for a while...

There's lots of tales to tell,although it's like a 1 week experience in there... but I'm feeling lazy to type it out. To everyone who's reading this...I miss u guys! And I simply wished...that I would stay a slacker all day..without havin' to go to NS...*sigh*...

Once again, to Shammie...Happy Birthday! Ur 17 now! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAMMIE!!

Take care...I shall type in again...someday...

P.S. I'm missing u,it seems that we're drifting apart...I still love u...

"Left..your left..your
left right...ECHO!!...left right...PLATOON 1!!...left right...WARRIORS!"

Friday, December 12, 2003

Hey A...whoever u are..thanks for the tag...I suck and I'm ugly?? hmm...Yeah..I agree..I suck..I suck in everything..and I AM ugly...but it doesn't bother u right? So why say out? Whatever it is...I agree with ya.

Anyways, today's my last day as a civilian before I transform into a soldier... I'm at B's place right now where I type out my last few blog. Waitin' for Tweet to come back cuz he sent Mon to work. He's going to shave off my hair for me...Nice...And B went for a run...keepin' fit ey? I'll be hangin' out with the bunch and gonna have fun before I go in.

About me & Nina...we're done for...as a couple that is but we sure ain't done as a friend. Glad I didn't lose her even as a friend. I gotta agree with her that we might not go anywhere even if we're together. I gotta learn to accept the fact that...it's impossible and I gotta learn to let go of things. All good things,do come to an end some day. It's nobody's fault that this happened...It just happened. If it was meant to be,someday...she would come back but for now...friends it is. Somehow, this is like how me & p|uGGY was... I'm sure I'll be okay...for now, like what a few of my friends said...keep my mind on NS. I'm sure gonna miss her and I'm sure I'm going to miss everyone else that I've been hangin' out with. Bye bye freedom... Hello authority.

I'll make sure I have fun with the bunch later on... Shit! I still got a few more items to get...God damn it! Toiletries (however u spell out that word) and some stuff... And damn,gotta wear briefs...instead of boxers. Been wearin' boxers all these while! After hangin' lose for some time...having that "Someone-Is-Cupping-Ur-Balls" feeling would feel weird,but it's for my own good I guess. Gotta buy those later...if I have enough money..

Allright peeps,I guess that this might be my last entry before I type in again...in 2 or 3 weeks time. Gonna miss u guys...and to those who had been there for me in anyway...I'd like to say thanks again.

"Chalet" Tekong...HERE I COME!!!

"Anda telah menangi ticket pelancongan ke PULAU...TEKONG!! Untuk selama dua minggu. Anda akan menikmati pemandangan laut dan juga pantai Changi dari bilik mewah anda di Chalet Tekong. Makanan & minuman akan disediakan pada tiap tiap waktu makan. Bukan itu sahaja, anda juga boleh menikmati "Health Fitness" oleh instructor instructor terhandal di sana. Tidak perlu bimbang mengenai wang kerana...semuanya di situ...FOC!!! Tahniah!"

Thursday, December 11, 2003

I'm so happy!!! Was not at the beginning of the day! But I am now...Get to talk to her and all... It was all a misunderstanding...and I remember what Shammie said before...Blogs...can destroy friendships or relationships...Which is..true...

To all of u who reads my blog...It ain't Nina's fault...It all boils back down to me! I just realized that when we were talkin' to one another. I put in things without thinking...and she became the victim... Please...don't see her as the guilty one..I am. But anyways..that's besides the point here! The main thing is...that she made my day just now.. Talkin' to her was something I couldn't describe!

We laughed,we talk..we talked crap...and simply..be happy... She totally changed the whole day into something I'm happy about! I'm back to normal! The cure is here...she is the cure! I learnt something...she thought me...Do not..assume things! Never...

One more day peeps...NS WILL SOON BE HERE!! Oh wait...I WILL B IN NS...hmm...whatever..TEKONG! HERE I COME!! hahahaha....So yeah..one more day to slack and get my things and to pack up my bag..hahaha....last minute shithead..that's me...Tomorrow..SHAVED HEAD!!! WOO HOO!!! I'm going to shave my head before going in...

.:: I'm still loving u...always had been...and I know u do...My feelings was right!! I LOVE YOU!!! ::.
| Lost | Confused | Clueless | Hurt | Sad | Downed | NS | Tekong | 1 Day Left | Good Bye | Thanks |
|Everyone | Missing | Someone | Friends | Best Friends | Thanks Again | Escaping | Sleepless Nights |
|Endless Tears Each Night | Lost Again | Confused | Not Knowing Own Mistake | Why? | A Test? |
|Moved On? | Alone | Singlehood | Happiness? | Sadness? | Time Will Tell |

Monday, December 08, 2003

Got a call from her... Was glad to hear her voice again. She was out with her friends,raya outing. Well,at least I'm glad to know there's something to keep her mind off things for a while. I've been home,nothin' to do besides the game to keep my mind off. I fell asleep just now while my brother was using the comp. When I woke up,I went out,saw my bro finished using the comp and it was her messaging me. I was lookin' forward for her to message me again,but she didn't.

A few seconds later,she called my handphone,I rushed to it...cuz I was cleanin' the plate. Well,of course I was happy to hear her...but somehow,something was different. I felt cold...very cold...The way she talks,the way she says things...and the way I talk as well.. It's like,first meet all over again. I wasn't talking to her like how I did before..all crappy and bubbly...I was just..nervous... And I don't know why she talks to me in a weird way. Why do I feel cold?

She said she sent me a mail...I have yet to read...although it ain't here,maybe something went wrong... Whatever it is,I just hope...that the mail,ain't something that would bring me down or something... NS's coming up soon... Real soon...

"It's all a test,given by god...A challenge,an obstacle that I have to go through. Problems I have to solve...A test of patience,faith,trust and believe...That's how I see this one... Time will tell..."

Sunday, December 07, 2003

Hey...how's everybody's doin'? I'm sure u guys are fine...and i'm sure some of u are not. Yesterday's outing,wasn't as great as how I would imagined it would be. Wasn't as happy and bubbly like how I am always. Started off the day...with that phone call I wrote about yesterday and I think,typing in that entry..was a mistake or something... Half of the raya outing,I was thinkin' of how she is and I'm worried of what's to become...

Heading to IK's place...received a call from her uncle which was cool cuz he totally speak in a nice way so I did the same. I was told not to bother her again...After that call,I don't know what to do and I was downed...again. It's funny how phone calls can change someone's feelings...just like that...a simple phone call can either make u feel good,happy or great...or it's the other way around,sad,angry,lost... The outing continues,and things was a li'l bit better cuz of the group,they crack up jokes and somehow distracted me from these thoughts for a while. While in Sammy's place the thoughts came back,thinking of what is to become of us.

As soon as we left Sammy's place..waiting for the bus at the bus-stop...Nina called me up. I was happy to hear her voice after the whole day of not hearing it...I was relieved. The next thing I got...was sad news... A news that she never meant to tell me..it's because..she have to. She was askin' me to let her go....I don't want to,she doesn't want to either...but she just had to. Since she entered my life,she had made my days pass with smiles stuck on my face. Thinking about her just makes me smile and be happy... As much as I don't want to let her go...I have no choice,I have to... I broke down,after what she told me. I sit away from the group for a while and cried in silence,I don't know what else to do,I have no choice...

Head down to Rab's place with those thoughts in my head...couldn't smile a li'l even though Dil,Sammy & IK was laughin' and crackin' up jokes that I..would usually laugh to... The guys wanted to jam after Rabia's place...so I decided to follow,maybe it would get it off my head...It did,jammed some stuff....put out the thoughts for a while... After jamming...it came back...Why?

Didn't went home last night...from 12 plus in the afternoon..till 1 plus today... From raya outing to jamming to staying the night at Suhayl's place.

"Will there ever be a chance for us to be together again? I know u still love me cuz I believe in u and I,for one...love u with all my heart. Please....please don't be a stranger,knowing u,being with u changed my normal boring days into days which I always look forward to. I want u to know...that in my heart,I'm still loving u....I love you,Nina Sarina. U'll always be that special angel given to me by god."

Saturday, December 06, 2003

Looks like today's raya outing won't be fun afterall...Not only being the reason that it's less people...It's because..everything's ruined. My dream of having the chance to go out with my dearest for raya...gone. Just by one lousy call from her parents...Why must this happened? First thing I hear her mom,I put down the phone. The next thing I know,she called my home. Her mom talks to me about how I shouldn't date her just because I'm younger than her and she was sayin' about me..should only treat Nina as my sister...I mean,what fuck is that?! My brother married to my sister-in-law..who's like older than him..and my brother's friend..married to my auntie...who's younger than her! So what fuck is that? Does age really matter to her mom? It's love,when both fall in love with one another...should age be an issue? Amidst the conversation,I can hear some guy (Probably her dad) Shouting out stuff and all... I was kinda pissed hearing all that. So I voice out what I have to say,I asked her mom.."What did I ever do wrong to get all this? Why must u make it a big issue just because of our age difference?" She kept on sayin' that I somehow distracted her from her studies and all..."Tapi ni sudah jodoh cik...saya suka anak makcik" and her mom suddenly says..."Oh? Jodoh? Let me talk to ur mom...so u mean u want to marry her,is it?" In my mind..What the hell? I said fate..not wanting to get married..I mean..I would love to get married with her..but not now! I don't even have a fuckin' income! How would I support? I don't get it,seriously..I don't get it.

The phone was passed over to the guy (Once again,her dad..I think) and he was tellin' me...not to see Nina again..and I was loke..what the hell? So i said to him.."Look,don't mean to be rude..all I'm askin' is...Why be angry over such a small matter? Why are u so mad?..and he said.."Cik tak suka awak...awak kuranghajar." I mean..all I'm askin' was that?! And yeah,I raised my voice a li'l just because he raised his voice..first! After that..i said..."I don't mean to be rude"
He was saying about settling this...and he said he wants to meet me..the last time I got a phone call from that guy (maybe her dad,cuz I asked Nina,she said that her dad wouldn't be like that),He threatened me...He said..if I were to see her again...I'll get a bump on my head or something... WHY?! WHY MUST THIS HAPPENED?!?!

Just as I thought I found someone...well,I did...she loves me..and I love her...and we're new in this relationship..but something had to happen..why? Why must it always be that way?! When something goes smooth..shit happens?! WHY?! God..please..why?! Challenges in life..that I know.. But it hurts... So bad...

Called Irma right after the conversation...just needed to talk to someone..and Irma popped up in my head... I fuckin' cried after the conversation I had...Why must it be today?! Thanks irma for being there...

Raya outing...won't be like how I imagined yesterday...all nice and warm especially with ur loved one...looks like,the imagination..changed eh? Let's just hope...she would be there....
Ah yes...insanity! hahaha..madness of the mad mad shit...What the fuck I'm sayin'? That shows..I'm outta ideas of what to type in. Either I'm lazy...or...I'm lazy still...hmm..

Many days had past..since the day I last typed in. Many things happened....My angel..got a new handphone and a new line...so now..I can contact her..and that...is awesome! I can message her when I feel like telling her how I feel..can call her up and hear her natural mornin' voice which I find..sexy.... And it's easier for me to keep in touch! WOO HOO!! Most real...can talk to her longer now than before..heheh...I'm so happy!!!!

A few days back..or was it yesterday..stayed the night at B's place with Fir...hanged out and talked crap but as usual..B knocked out first...I stayed the night up with fir...talkin' crap..compose new tunes with the guitars... And wow...we got one new song done...minus lyrics of course. Stayed the whole night up till morning! WoW! Amazing...

Slept when I got home...and today...went out again in the evenin'...to Nuwul's open house...a bunch of people was there...Fattah & his friend,Lina & Azri,Mint,IK,Dilah and a few others that I don't recognize... Food was great...had laughter here and there... Took some shot though..and it might be up...

Dil and me planned up #emo's outing for today..but it seems..a lot of them can't make it...and I'm kinda dissapointed and felt a li'l bit fucked up...I mean..last week was great..nearly 20..and this week..only a handful..about 8 of us? maybe... Some of 'em,ain't got cash..some of 'em..gotta go weddings..open house..this and that..and well...Just as my Nina can go out with me for this year's raya...everyone's ain't around. I wished she was there last week...But what the hey...small bunch..small bunch...so what? We can still have fun! Maybe it shouldn't be called #emo raya outing ey? More like..BK Slackers' outing..cuz it's like...the bunch that hangs out at BK. Well,let's just see...how it goes...They're starting off the routine by heading down to my place first. So there u go... Can't wait to go out later...Matching up with my angel...in red! WOO HOO!!

Gotta wake up early today..send Dzafir off. He's going off to Aus for a month... So the band would be on hold for a while...

:-: #emo Raya Outing :-: 12:30pm @ Paya Lebar MRT Station :-: Baju Kurung :-:

Monday, December 01, 2003

Phew!~~ My days was whacked! Shagged and had lotsa fun!

Saturday - Ah...madness..the day of the outing..was so insane! hahaha.. Went out with the No Direction family plus a few others from #emo. Head out to a few houses but some houses we didn't get to take all the houses cuz we were so behind schedule. Firstly..I was late to meet the few others at Paya Lebar station..secondly...waited for some of 'em at Boon Lat station. A few joined in later with us. Altogether..there were roughly..around 20 people. It was all mad and fun! It was overall okay although we were behind schedule and there was a few detour in the plans in the middle that we had to split up into two groups..but after that..it was okay. Pictures will be uploaded in a while,so stay tune. After the whole outing...a few of us slacked at BK Century Square until about 2 plus in the mornin' and that was even crappier! hahahaha... insane stuff...Just look at the pics to get what I mean. And to all those whose houses that we visited...Thanks for everything..the food,the kuehs and the grest hospitality! Thanks once again. Lastly,I really wished that my Nina was there to join in the fun...wanted to share the madness so much with her.. but she had something to do. Perhaps next time?

Sunday - Went out with my relatives...and it was kecohrable also... My dad have all together 10 brothers and sisters..so it's like..there's uncles and aunties and my cousins..plus the cousin in laws...and everyone..It was madness! Got a lot of houses..PLUS..I have a few collection myself from the relatives... Heheheh(evil grin). After not being there to go family gathering and outing for like what? 4 years or 5 years? I've always been missin' when the whole family have this sorta gathering...My uncles and aunties was like sayin' how big I grew and how I looked different and my cousins sayin' that i'm a li'l different...hehe.. Well..people grow ey? Had lotsa laughs and lotsa fun with my cousins...Being able to catch up with things and havin' good laughs although at the first part of the trip..I was a li'l bit shy cuz u know..I've not been around and not seeing them..so it's kinda hard to start talkin' again but as we go along..things got back to how it was back then...when all of us are all so close. I have pics for the family outing too..although it ain't that much. And later at night..I went jammin' as soon as I got home from the outing... Jammin' was fine...sound was good,everything was okay...and I like the new song that we've composed.. Although it's a li'l bit confusin'...but we'll work it out.

Today - Crashed at B's place yesterday after jammin' and here I am..at home. Sleepin' at B's is like sleepin' in a hotel.. i mean..the air-con and the bed...yeah..heavenly! hahaha.. Sleepin' like mad. I'll be meetin' the rest in a while..say..about 4-ish or 5-ish. B's meetin' Sya...(Ooooo,Heheh) and later the rest will join in. Maybe,we might be catchin' a movie or somethin'. So yeah...I'm going off now cuz I wanna upload the pics.

Chiao!!

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Friday - Ah yes...a special day for that special someone! It's her birthday and guess what...it happened to fall on the same day as my brother's birthday. hehehe..What a coincidence ey? Met up with my angel around 11 plus in the mornin' and damn..i was late again...hehe..I gotta do somethin' about my punctuality. Head down to Delifrance and ate breakfast there. Then head off to some void deck in Tamp just to hang out with her and chit chat and most real,it was a Friday...hahaha...And u guys should know what Friday is all about..Friday Prayers for us Muslims... And there I was,wearin' berms and casual wear while most of them wearin' baju kurung..headin' down to the mosque to pray..God damn.i felt bad somehow. Well,pretended to be some Nepalian guy who''s studyin' here...Hehehe...whenever a "Pakcik" pass by I would speak in nepalian accent... Hahaha...nina said that i don't sound like a malay...nor a nepalian..more like a philipino...hahahaha..

Sat down at the void deck..and I showed her the gift and she was happy. Although she doesn't say it but the way I look at her admiring her gift..well...she likes it allright. It was the best moment with her. Had fun,took pics chit chatted and had some Q&A session...She's the light of my life when it's dark... I love her and only her.

Later in the evenin',head out with my family to visit my grand-aunt in Yishun. Most real,when people do visitin'...they would sit down and chat and eat up the "kuehs" and all right? What I do? Well...reached there,sat down...ate some of the kuehs (There's like 10 different kinds,so I tried each of 'em) and after that...read a CLEO magazine and it was interesting...well..it's a girl magazine...but there's one page that caught my interest... Different positions to have sex every night for this month (It was a february issue..so there was 29 days) And I read some of it..it was insane...And well...interested in some way...After readin' it,I went to sleep in one of the unoccupied room. from 6 plus..I slept all the way to 11 plus at night. how cool is that? I mean,I'm on visitin' purpose here...and there I was..sleepin'..like as if I'm stayin' the night there or somethin'. What do u expect?! My cousins ain't there so i was alone...bored...sleepin' is best! HAHAHAH...okay..enough of Friday.

Today (Saturday) - Can't wait for later on...the big outin' with the band++...there's gonna be a few other people taggin' along..and I can't wait to wear my baju kurung with the rest of the group..hehe.. It's gonna be fun i guess...Wished she could join..but i understand her situation... So yeah...Raya kebaya maya laya taya! WOOT! Okay bye?

-= Lovin' u even more as each day passes =-
Allright folks..welcome back! Here's my update!

Thursday - Ah...the day I bought her the gift...B came over to my place earlier to play "Call Of Duty" And boy..he was really into the game. After that,set out to City Hall to rendezvous with Tweet. Went there in a cab thinkin' that we were late (well we were) and guess what? Almost lost my handphone! Fuckin' hell! How can I forget my phone? left it in the cab and luckily...thanks to B's phone...Called up my own phone... There was this girl who picked it up..and B asked her to pass on to the driver..so she did. So the uncle went back to the spot where he dropped us off and my guess is that,he was already away from where we were. Called him again and somehow,he sounded pissed..heheh..."Wait lah wait lah..I'll be comin'...I'm drivin' back..be there 10 mins". Guilt sets in... I was feelin' bad,I mean,if he was alone,it's okay..but got damn...he had a passenger...but it's my phone we're talkin' about here! he arrived around the time he said he would...and when I took the phone..I apologised to the driver and the passenger..and most real..the uncle gave me a smile..but it wasn't a pure smile somehow..it's like the "Oh-Please-Pay-Me-Cuz-I-Have-A-Passenger-And-I-Turn-Back-For-You" Kinda look... But heck..I just said sorry..and smiled..and walk away...

Head down to Penin...found the shop...and there it was...The Vespa model,just like what Inn told me. I saw the black one,wanted it so badly cuz that's the colour of her bike...but then,silver was the only colour left so i took it. And yeah...that was the gift-search day...

In the evening,had diiner with B's family at some restaurant in Siglap... B's mom blanja me and damn...it's always B's side that's blanja-ring me...insane! Someday,it would be my turn. After all those eatin'...head down to Mackerz in Haig Road...Slacked there and that is when Dil & Tweet joined us. Talked shit and stuff till late and both Tweet & B went off while Dil came out to my place (oh yes...he's one of those lucky guys that get to come up to my place...known him for almost 4 years..it's his first time comin' over to my place for a casual visit). Played "Call Of Duty" and had some mad fun showin' him the game. He hanged out till about 1 plus comin' to 2 in the mornin' and he was sent home! My bro volunteered! hahaha..insane...Dilah,got a free ride home that night!! Overall..had a good day...

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Wow...Raya was yesterday... Well,here's my belated wish to everyone... SELAMAT HARI RAYA...Maaf Zahir & Batin. To everyone out there who's readin'...If I ever did wrong,or say anythin' in any way to hurt ur feelings...I hope that u could forgive me.

Monday - Not been typin' in for quite some time. Well..lotsa things had happened..passed two days. On Monday for example,was the last day of Geylang's Bazaar...and most real...This year would be the last year the bazaar would have the background of Geylang's Block 1 and the Geylang Market cuz by next year..it'll be gone,demolished by the government. Bought my baju kurung that night and boy....I hate walkin' in there... It's a fuckin' crowd...okay..it's something like a mosh pit..except that in this one..there's like...hundreds and hundreds of people in there... And it's like ur walkin' at 2cm/hr...and it's...THAT slow. Hanged out there till like 3 plus in the morning...Well..not literally in Geylang all the way...SOmehow,hanged out at Mon's area together with Tweet and Toyol. Before that,I was with Dil,Yan,Mint,Fad,Dzul,Inn,Sammy.. SOmehow,we went to play MOHAA. It was...well..kinda insane though...I have some pics for that day,I'll put it up soon.

Tuesday - Well,nothin' much happened...except that my brother came by with his family in the afternoon. Entertained them for a while...and God damn..my nephew..is so...god damn cute!! It was funny when we asked him not to move for a photo shoot...and guess what..he literally didn't move! Hahaha..simply froze himself up....Cute kid...Shukran's his name..and his older sister...Sofea...Later in the evenin'...went to visit..only one house and that was my auntie's...cuz my grandma was there (from my dad's side that is). It's been a long time since they've last seen me..and I really mean..LONG TIME.... My auntie was like sayin'..."Wah,wan dah lain eh sekarang...makin besar,makin tinggi...Kalau Cik Jah nampak wan kat luar,Cik Jah tak kenal" ..Meaning..That I looked different and if she were to see me outside..she wouldn't even recognize me... Insane.. And there we were,eating and chit chattin' at the dining table..Well..me and brother...we just sat there quietly while my mom,dad,grandma and auntie..chit chatted.. It's interested to hear their conversation...

My grandma was talkin' about my dad's family...he and his brothers (my uncles) were the last time when they were young. It was the good 'ol kampung days. Me and my brother,we simply laughed at their behaviours and with my grandma's way of talkin'...it was cute... Hehehe,sayin' about how my uncle was naughty the last time,always doin' stuff...It was funny,u had to be there to enjoy that conversation. Amidst the conversation they were havin'...I was havin' thoughts of my own. It's nice to think about...u know...things of the past...how it was. I was thinkin'...when I grow old..it is my turn to say our stories like that..and sharin' it with my grandkids... And maybe,it's their turn to enjoy and laugh it out. And the stories would live on...generations..after generations? Maybe? I was like thinkin'..."Wow...it's that interesting to listen to their stories..how they were back then,how the changes took place...food,culture,lifestyle...it was poor moments back then.." In later years...it would be my turn to do that... My grandma had lotsa stories to tell cuz my dad have like..10 siblings altogether..so yeah..it's a big family! Remember peeps...Share ur stories when ur old...cuz the new upcoming generations...would love to hear the stories of the past...

Today - I don't know what's the plan for today...Have no clue yet.. It's either,we go out or we stay at home and wait for people to come over. Chatted with my dearest...and it's nice to chat with her again! It's been two days! WOO HOO!! And her birthday's comin' up...I'm gettin' something for her...(Can't tell u guys..cuz she reads...hehe) Sorry dear...surprise...Love ya!

Can't wait for this Saturday's outing with the band...It's gonna be hectic and fun I hope...Everybody will be in their baju kurung...and lookin' at their best! Hehehe... I'll be takin' photos..so do look out for upcomin' pics..hehe...

For now..I'm off...CHEERS!

Monday, November 24, 2003

Yesterday...after bein' frustrated and all with my home...I went jammin'...It was a last minute thing and we jammed around evenin' time. It wasn't a good jammin' cuz it's like...I wasn't focused at all...My splits went off and my vocals totally off key...My mind was set on something else..Home..After jammin'...B,Tweet and Sofyn set off to town to meet up with Mon and Sya while Dzafir head down to bazaar to work and me...headin' home. While walkin' back home,I was thinkin' lotsa things about what I feel all this while.

I've been a bad son and all...being the reason maybe...I wasn't doin'..what they were askin' me to do. As i walk somemore..I was like saying to myself..."God,how did this happened? How did my family turned out this way?" Thoughts,questions...answers to look out for...can't seem to find it. Maybe it's right there in my face but I'm just to stubborn to see it. They may be here now..and I would be rebellious towards them..but what if they're no longer around? Silence will take over... No more shoutin' of my mom's voice..or my dad's lectures...or my grandma's naggin'... Soon it's all gonna be missed somehow. I should start doin' good from now...appreciate them while they're still around...love them..while I still have the chance to do so.. If I still have the chance to somehow,make them proud..I would and I will try...What more can I ask for? Why am I always complaining? They're givin' me all that a child would love to have... A home to stay (although it's not like any other homes),computer for me to play games or chat with friends,a handphone being paid by my dad...My mom's cookin'..my grandma's old stories and knowledge that she shares with me...money,clothes...everything...and I'm being such a bitch,most of the time. I should change...Been tryin' to...

Fastin' month is soon to be over...today's the last day...And raya's comin' up. Surveyed for my baju kurung and somehow..I got my size...in a shop where my friend works... I asked him to hold it for me till i have the dough by today(surveyed it yesterday)... Got a grey one in the end...

Many fasting months had pass every since I was born. From a baby,to a kid,to a teen and now I'm going into adulthood... Every morning,when i'm sleepin'..and if I'm sleepin'...I would wake up to this voice..."Wan,bangun wan..dah pukul lima dah ni...nanti terlepas sahur..cepat belum imsak ni.." And I would get a nudge from my grandma..and if I don't wake up..she would shout even louder just to irritate me but that's all for good. And most of the time...she would lie about the time just to make me wake up. She would say that it's 5 plus and it's close to imsak time when the actual fact is that..it's only like 4... I don't know how long more will that voice will always be around...no one knows except god... If she goes away,that particular voice which is somewhat a routine sound every fastin month will just be a thing of the past... A memory that will never be forgotten. I know,that I will cry hard if my grandma goes back "home"... She had always been there for me and thanks to her,I learn a few things...Things that not many people could teach or share about... If god allows it,I wish that she could spend few more fasting months and raya with us...

That's all I'll be writing about today...cheers!

"Treasure ur loved ones now,appreciate them cuz u'll never know just when...they might go...

Saturday, November 22, 2003

WHY MUST THIS FUCKED UP THING HAPPENED?!?! I hate my life for now..I fuckin' hate my mom... Yeah,I know,she's my mom...but fuck..her stupid mentality is like a fuckin' 4 year old. Stupid mother of mine. I can go crazy with this home. Everything I do..EVERYTHING I DO is so god damn wrong! Never there was a right even though I did something right at times. Yes,I Disappointed my dad because of my studies but fuck!! I know I'm bad in my studies,I know I took most of his money cuz I wasted it on my incomplete studies. 12k,Who wouldn't be diappointed... And I stole 300 bucks from him the last time. I'm a fucked up child... God! How sometimes I wish someone else would take me in as their step son or something. I feel fucked up in my home! I really really..wished that it is NOW..that I go to Tekong...And maybe my life would be taken away when I'm there. Maybe my mind would be on my training and all. Or maybe..what's best..God might just take me away durin' training...Who knows?

Met Nina this morning and that somehow made my day...Seeing her smile and being able to be near to her...Just made my day...Even though it was just for a while. I'm glad she was there to make me smile a li'l. She had to go off cuz she had to fetch her maid home. I just wished that the moment that I had with her,just never ends...Wished I could just sit there with her till night fall. I'm glad I met her.

I disappointed my dad,I stole his 300 bucks...I spoilt some of his things,I quarrelled against my mom,fought with her before...shouted at my gradma,many times...and in total..I've said vulgarities in their faces god knows how many times. That's how bad I am towards my family. The only thing that u guys never knew...Something that I pretend...

Somehow,it's like as if my mom have something against me. She keeps saying about my brothers,how good they are in their studies..bla bla bla..FUCK THAT SHIT! I'm stupid in my studies,I ain't good on books. By nature,I'm stupid! If ur talkin' about talents...I have that...Musically..I have but why can't my mom see that. My dad is proud of me,the words he said to me made me cry when he was lacturing me the other time..."All those times u played in shows and when u jam...I know u have a goal in music...and when I saw u play in Esplanade..I was proud of u..." Those words of his..simply took me away... All this while,I didn't know that anyone in my family would be proud of me in what I do and my dad proved me wrong. That day,was one of the saddest moments I had...I disapointed him and yet..he was still proud of me... That is why I love my dad more than my mom although I don't really show it maybe cuz of my rebellious nature.

I'm sorry dad,I may not be a good son...and I may have disappointed u...but one day..I'll prove to u that I'll be someone...maybe not someone big or extraordinary..but I WILL be someone..that I'll promise u dad...

To all,do take care...

CHEERs!
I'm feelin' sooo fucked up right now. I'm pissed off..God knows why... Maybe because of my stupid home. Never liked it since things go bad. And I mean bad...u guys wouldn't know what kind of a home I'm livin' in but only to those who are close to me,would know what it's like... The definition of PIG STY...would come into mind...I can't help it..it's hopeless... I grew tired of it. Raya? What's that? I no longer know the true meaning of Raya. I grew sick of it since it's the same 'ol fuck every single fuckin' year! My home...IS A MESS!!! Only when it's raya..only then everyone starts being busy...BULLSHIT!

Just now,something bad happened...And fucked I feel bad..not because of my mom..but my dad. They were waitin' for me downstairs cuz they bought some stuff home. So I went down and I suddenly I was like.."Fuckin' hell,that's load of shit there!" Suddenly I was kinda angry...for no fuckin' reason why...Carried the stuff up...went into the house...I realize that thing used behind my ears for my specs went missing...And For no reason..my blood shot up again and I was pissed..So I went outside lookin' for that stupid thing..and when I went back inside..I sorta slammed the gate..and my dad's hand was there...I was really bad... I hurt him.. He was askin' me what's wrong and I didn't response and now...I'm feelin' fuckin' bad... And my mom,have to open up her fucked up mouth and say fucked up things that makes me feel like an asshole. I am...blame it on me mom...It's always me being the bad one..yeah I agree,That I'm fuckin' rebellious at home...unlike my other two brothers. U guys may see me smiling,and laughin' and doin' things that's always happy. But u guys,seriously have not seen the other side of me. If my blood point go over the maximum...that's it..I will no longer be myself anymore,I'll be that fucked up jerk that many would describe as...asshole...or whatever it is.

Many of u...MANY of u don't know this...all these while...it was just pretense...u guys are the ones that kept me up..that kept me smiling somehow..made me laugh and keep my mind off things...but after that..whenever I got home..things get fucked up again. That's how it has always been. HIdden under that mask of being the joker of the group...behind those mask,I'm just a low down,sad clown...Thanks everyone...

Maybe by seein' Nina tomorrow might cheer me up a li'l... I hope...

Wished that I could write in again...maybe I might be "Gone" for a while... Take care u guys! I'll see u,when I see u...

"Final" words....Cheers!

Thursday, November 20, 2003

[ Music Blasting: American Football - Summer Ends ] [ Mood :-: Empty ]

Hey peeps...I know u guys must be wonderin'...where have I been? Well...it's like as if I'm dead inside. I don't know,it's like I feel as if,I have no life at all. My home,my family,my band,my girl...Thoughts everywhere...although they ain't that stressful but to me...it's makin' me empty. What I do everytime? I know I said that I hybernate durin' puasa...well..kinda true...other than that,I would go jamming...slackin'..or stay home sleepin'.. But one thing that I will always do without fail...missing that someone. Maybe it's kind of a down side for us at this moment. I'm hangin' on... No matter what...I'm hangin' on.

Her calls or messages these days...is like as if I'm a pirate who found his treasure...and really keep it safe and close to him...Every single call from her really really meant a lot to me. Cuz it's like,once in a while I get that. I guess that it will only be for now...Hey,who says that the sea is always calm huh? But I'm sure it will be okay after all of this... I really miss her,I miss her so much that I have visions of her sometimes...Thinking the girl in front of me is her when the real fact...it's not.

I've been hangin' out the past few days...Keepin' my mind off things most of the time. Hanged out with the band..hanged out with the boys of #emo... Just to keep mind off things at home.

Raya's comin' up and I still ain't got a Baju Kurung! It's only a week to go. God damn! Bernard got his shirt already...a nice..grey-ish /black-ish colour...Looks good on him and he got it for a cheap price of $19.90. That's insane! But too bad for me,there ain't a size...Why? WHY MUST THESE TAILORS...Make it small?! And the biggest size is like XL...and that size can't even fit me. Remember guys...being big has it disadvantages..and THIS..is one of 'em...Clothes. I'll be going out later on to meet up with Dil and Sammy. We're stayin' the night at Suhayl's place. WOO HOO!! His place is like...awesome. And one more thing..Suhayl's a damn good host.

Allright peeps..that's it for today...I'll right in..whenever I have thoughts..or simply,just wanna voice out. NS's comin' soon! By then,u guys will be seeing less of me...

HOA!

Friday, November 14, 2003

New pics are up! The World War II Toys are some of the toys that survived in my home while it's still in full contact... As in..everything is in place...Some of 'em..are unlucky..the casualties of war. These toys belongs to my bro...when he was young. So it's about 23 or 24 years old..they existed before I was even born! Cool toys! And there's new pics of me and the boys of #emo hangin' out and the jammin' session with First Chapter...

The thing about me and Nina...we're okay...And she called me...WOO HOO!! missed her so much! She had some stuff in her mind..so that's the reason why she can't call but all of that..has been cleared out. I'm meeting B in a while..to get our "baju kurung"... Then maybe hang out. My girl might be joining us this evening...Hopefully she will..cuz she have to go for some family dinner..and u know how it's like..eat..chit chat...makciks and pakciks..talk here talk there..hard to get out? Somethin' like that..So she ain't promising. around 9 pm...I'm meeting the boys to have some LAN gaming sessions...So..yeah...that's about it...

Sorry folks but I'm feelin' kinda lazy to type in...take care aight? till then..FAREWELL!

CHEERS!

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Somethin's botherin' me and I have yet to find out the reason why. Not been feelin' good, thoughts runnin' through my mind. Have this "Things-Gone-Wrong" feelin'... Time will tell..

I've been stayin' home just now...and got out of the house at night to hang out at my void deck alone. I just needed the outside air. Sat down, listen to the songs in my MD as my mind boggled itself with thoughts... Smoke three sticks of cigarettes and went back up... And here I am,at home...again.

Went out with the boys on Tuesday...No Direction plus Sofyn and Jessie. Hanged out,talked crap..discussed about our CD layout and stuff with IK... Break fast together near my place...

Got a call earlier yesterday from Nina... But I was sleepin'! Always missin' her calls...because of my stupid sleepin' behaviour. She left me a message sayin' that she was in World Trade headin' off to Bintan or somethin' like that... And she said that she would call me back... I waited....waited...and waited...still have no calls. I need to find a day where she would be free...cuz I really need to talk to her and let things out on how I feel. Ain't got a clue...ain't...got a clue...

Whatever it is...I'm still hangin' on and my feelings is still strong for her... But,let's see how it goes...

Later on in the day,I'll be going out with the guys to Swee Lee...To check out some stuff. And later in the evenin'..I'll be jammin' with First Chapter... It's been a long time...

I have to cut this one short cuz I ain't got the mood to type out anything...cuz I'm feelin' empty for now...Take care my fellow bloggers!

Cheers!

Sunday, November 09, 2003

UPDATE: New pics in the pictures section (Duh!)
It's friggin' 8 in the mornin'! I just woke up,insanity has yet to kick in. Slept at 3 plus yesterday and I didn't "sahur" this mornin'! I'm still stoned,lost and not know of what to do later...

Yesterday's "Buka-ing" session was madness..but yet...a li'l bit screwed up. It was insane...and the amount of people that turned up was more than the one with the "Sesame Street" family...Yesterday,there were 12 of us. p|uGGy,Azri,Didi,Tweet,Mon,Suhayl,Rabia,Fad,Inn,Irma,I.K...These was the bunch when the prayers sounded off...after a while these few bunch joined us...Rafiee,Din,Alif,Dan and there was this guy whom I ain't got a clue on who he was. It was a big bunch and both me & p|uGGY wished that Dilah was there to join us. It would have been ultra madness...Fattah and Nurul joined us later in the evening. Walked around Geylang and somehow..got seperated...and it was a long wait. When everybody joined back...a few of us set off to have a LAN gaming session in Grandlink. I.K,Dan,Din,Alif and me...we were the only ones that wanted to play. Rafie wanted to but he had to get home... Well...it's simple..u have to be there...to know how it was like...INSANE I TELL YA!

Met Yan for a while...he sorta joined us for a while at the Basketball Court...cuz he wanted the mics for recording some stuff so I passed to him the whole package which I took earlier in the day at B's place. Talked with him for a while...and then,he left... sayin' that he wanted to carry on with the mixin'...so he did...he left...

I wished that my nina would join us somehow yesterday...A lotta people ask me..."Where's Nina?", "Where's ur girl?", "Ajak Matair kau turun ah...".... I was lost...all I can say was,she's at home,restin'... I know it's only been a few days but it sure felt as if it's like ages since she last called me... I ain't got a clue of what she's doin'...ain't got any idea how she's doin'... I just wished, that I would hear her voice in the mornin'...or whenever...but somehow, I didn't... But my guess is that, she's busy with stuff and all...so ain't got the time to call me up. But I'll wait...no matter how long it takes for her to reach me...I'll wait...

"Patience... Gotta have lotsa patience..."

Friday, November 07, 2003

Wow...without checkin' up my tagboard..suddenly..it's like..whoa~ THAT much..so here's my reply...cuz I'm lazy to tag...

Nora:- Yes..it's u Nora...The girl whom I met,about 5 or 6 years ago..under that nick...Madgerl...or was it madgirl...but whatever it is..it's u..the girl who hangs out with the old Mad Circle Skate Crew the last time..yes..it's u..Ur part of it,cuz u were there for us..u've always been there for us..well..at least from my heart..u've always been there..but not physically...U were the one that believed in us when we first started,every jammin' sessions,every hang out...it's u...So nora,u ARE a part of the family!

NiNa:- Hehehe,Mentos..the Freshmaker...yeah baby..and I need u! Missin' u badly! (Yeah yeah,I know,I've been typing that out here god knows how many times about how much I miss her...but hey! I can't help it..I AM missin' her badly! What can I do?!) I LOVE U, NINA SARINA HIMIKONELLE!!!!

suhayl:- Yeah bro...u guys have been there...hehe..it's madness..but it's true! Ur part of the family!

ra-fieex:- Yes u are bro...part of the family,well..if it's a real family..u would be the kid of the family..ur new..hehehe..and about that game bro...I'd love to..but saturday..I'm havin' the "buka-ing" session with some of the #emo kids...maybe we can meet up after u guys played game? Anyways,who are the boys? And what game u guys playin'?

nurarafaH a.k.a MoM:- Hey mom...I miss u too and I'm sure the rest somehow,misses u...Miss the old #ska traditional "buka-ing" sessions at the basketball court here in my area... Where the hole bunch of us would simply crap around at the basketball court after eating...insane memories..hahaha

mint:- Thanks mint...I've changed the url..so don't ya worry aight...and...doosh the boosh? hehehehe...insane! Aight..that's it..see ya this sat aight?

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Hey...got somethin' to type in. I was listenin' to Plain Sunset's latest album "The Gift" And there's this one song..with awesome lyrics...although it's repeated..but it's awesome...

Do I? by Plain Sunset

I still think about the photographs we took last year
Sitting with our friends down at their place
No time to think or fear

I still worry when you're not around
Do I just wait for you to say
I just wanna be near you
I just need you anyway

Do you miss me
Do you think about me
Do I make you cry everytime you think of me
I love you
I still think about you
You still make me cry everytime I think of you

There u have it..lyrics to that song..Cheers!
Thursday...it's the fourth day of the week....GOD DAMN! Time is flyin' so fast,only a few more weeks till Tekong. I'm tryin' to enjoy as much as I can before I head down there. Right now,listenin' to Saosin...Seven Years...first song I fell in love..Thanks to IK's site the other time. Went for my eye check up yesterday and I guess,it's my final check up which means,no need for a comeback at the Eye Centre. Gonna miss the people there. I really wished I could thank the doc,cuz she really took care of me,if it wasn't for her...I would have gone blind. Really nice doctor...She said that my eyes are doin' good and there's no need for me to visit there,ever again. Madness...

Get to hear my baby yesterday afternoon. Or was it the day before? I ain't sure,lost track of everythin'... She's finishin' her papers real soon... On that day,if I meet her...I'll make sure I spend my time with her. Baby,missin' u everyday...missin' u more as each day pass...Take care sugar...Do call me ya?

The first person I hear today,was Bernard and boy...does he sound active. He gets to book out and he was askin' me to watch a movie...(Bernard loves watchin' movies,especially this period when he's in the army,he's missin' the movies...)So yeah,I'll watch with him. Later in the evenin'...It's No Direction's jammin' session at Carudi's. I'll be breakin' fast outside today. Meetin' the rest of the boys and girls in City Hall. Let's see how it goes...

We have a new member in the No Direction Family (Whoa,that sounded as if we're in some kind of a Mafia Family or something)...IK,he's our new member. He's our newly appointed Web & CD Layout Designer. He's part of the crew now. Wow...imaginary crew that is...hehehe...It exist,but not officially... That's how I see it. Just for the fun of it,let me explain the crew:-

No Direction Crew:- The ND Boys (Me,B,Tweet,Fir)
Yan (Soundman)
Dilah (Sound Advisor/"Critic")
p|uGGy (Photographer)
I.K (Photographer/Designer)


No Direction Family:- NiNa
Mon
Sofyn
Nora
Sammy
Mint
Jessie
Losing Streak Kids
First Chapter

Okay...I have no idea why I'm sayin' this...hahaha..just for fun...Well,that's how I see things,I ain't sure of what would the rest of the ND Boys would say. But that's how I see them as...Anyways,that's it for this entry,I'm outta here... Cheers!

Monday, November 03, 2003

*** Topic is '* falkirk (~TornApart@cm116.omega98.maxonline.com.sg) Quit (Quit (Out by sixteen or dead in this scene... Together forever..Bernard Loves Hezwan...))'
*** Set by Muse on Mon Nov 03 00:54:54

What...the...FUCK?! <-- That was my first reaction when I read the first part of that quit message..."Bernard Loves Hezwan'..Heheh..and I guess it...That's right...Muse...and that would be..Dil...It was madness..first thing I know..i was normal..and when I enter the IRC...I'm a fag...Madness of the insanitos Baditos.

Ain't got much to say for yesterday. Hybernate as usual in the afternoon..and had a good phone conversation with my baby... We had a good laugh and some crappy talks (most of it,by me...hehe) and it was nice... Hearing her voice and hearing her laugh...really made my whole day! She ends her exams next week...meaning..that I can see her again! That is...if her knee recovers. She'll be takin' her exams later on...I wished for her to do well cuz she's been studyin' so hard...Good luck baby! Love ya lots!

In the evening,hanged out with No Direction at Mackers (McDonald's) at my place (Haig Road). B,Tweet and Sofyn...we hanged out for a while..And soon after that short hangin' out session,went to the bazaar in Geylang,in search for Dzafir... He's workin'! He's workin' at some stall sellin' clocks,crackers and stuff like that.. It was mad...Wan from Plucky was there too...And dzafir was shoutin' out stuff..trying to make sales... Ngast! After that small visit...we bought ourselves burgers...from Ramly's..and ate it at KFC...(how nice?Buy outside food but eat it in KFC,AWESOME!) Chatted,Discussed and crap around...till 11 plus,that's when everybody...sets off for home.

Ain't got anythin' else to say cuz my eyes are draggin' down...it's on somekind of "automatic shutdown" mode or somethin'... Allright folks...for those of u who tagged my board...THANK U VERY NICE! And to those who keeps on comin' in to read my crappy life episodes..continue doin' so..cuz there might be more to come...so stay on blog readers! HUERGH!

Final Words: Have A Good One!

CHEERS!

Friday, October 31, 2003

Boo YAh! GoD DAmn! It'S A FrEAkin' FriDay AlreADy! WoW! Today's Halloween...A year ago,something happened on this date...Somethin' that I'll always remember. Memories that sink in on me whenever today's date rises.I'll always remember it as...The night of Halloween. Bargh! Don't wanna talk about it.

Today's the 5th day of fasting...managed to pull through...three days..wasted two...But there's still more to come...HOA! What did I do the whole day today? hmm..Let's see..I fight my way through my dream to wake up...did some "excercise" (which is the getting up part)...and then off to the comp...God,I'm hybernating and the comp's like my best companion for now. Why do I always hybernate during the fasting month? It's madnes I tell ya! Every single year...Hybernation's my best friend. Like a bear in his caves...Watched a li'l bit of "Band Of Brothers" with my brother...Watched only three episodes..."Curahee","Days Of Days" & "Carentan"...Still have lots to watch! My stomache's grumbling but I'll survive. Just a few more hours to "buka" time....

I'm missing my baby again...Get to talk to her yesterday and got to learnt that her exams' next week,so,she'll be busy studying for this week. That I understand...But seriously,missing her so badly that if I meet her one day when she's free...I'll make sure that I'll hug her like a bear missing his cub...Well,i understand,she's busy studying and havin' exams and all..it's okay...And I hope that she's doing better just wished I could be there but then again..I ain't and I can't... Honey,hope ur getting better and don't study too hard aight? Study smart...Good luck for ur exams and may u do well in it.

As for yesterday...I went slackin' alone around my area...Just took some walks,smokin' away my Luckies and sat down at some spot. There I was sittin' alone,listenin' to Craig's Brother on my MD and the next thing I know,this guy approach me...Shooked my hand and saying in malay..."U just break fast? Mind if I join ya?" Well,I replied..."Go ahead"...So he sat down across where I'm sittin' and he started talkin'. He's this 40 year old dude,some kind of an "old veteran" of Haig Road or somethin'. He was talkin' to me about the boys...gettin' picked up by the cops and straight into lock-up...He was sayin' about his younger days where the boys fight with another group of kids from another area. U know,how this gangsterism system works...Area fighting area for god knows what cause?! I was merely entertaining him all I did was.."yeah..ur right..yeah.great..okay I'll do that.." U know..those simple replys... At first,he was intimidating..but then..slowly got a li'l comfy.. He was tellin' me to be careful when I'm alone..especially the area where I was sittin'...It ain't comin' from my side..it's the far end of Haig Road... I know myself..that the far end area...are where the "kids" hang out... So,that's why I don't hang around them anymore...Don't wanna get mistaken to be one of them and get hit in the face or stab in the back for nothing... So after the talks about him and the old Haig Road and the army and NS and bla bla bla...I told him halfway..."I'm sorry but I have to leave..it was nice talkin' to ya...Take care now.." And so,picked up my stuff and went away...In my head,I was like.."What the hell was that guy doing with me,I just wanna be alone" but heck,he was some strange company...it was okay...

Aight...that's it for my "bad-case-of-life" Entries....Take care now!

Cheers!

Thursday, October 30, 2003

This is specially for Rafiee...on his behalf and those others who wants the lyrics to "From Me To You" By No Direction

FROM ME TO YOU

(1)So you slowly slipping away?
From where I used to have you at?
Then you're still laughing at my jokes
Now we're failing in everyway

(2)I guess there's nothing left to say
We'd probably found that out to late
Did someone took my place?

(3)And it never crossed your mind?
How you gave our faith away?
Those empty promises,you never fail to make...

(4)Should I try to make you stay?
Or let things stay this way?
The consequences that you left behind,okay.

(5)The memories you left for me
I can't put them aside
Tell me have I changed a bit
I think you're the one that did

(6)So now I'm the one to blame
I guess I've lost the game
Why can't I accept that your gone?

(7)Shouldn't bother you anymore
Hide my feelings and all my thoughts
I'm no longer special to you cause I'm just a slob

Go back to (3)
And go to (5) & (6)
(Can't accept you're gone part) Sing (4) and (7)

Those who have the video or mp3 of ours or any clips...Hope this help u guys to figure out on how to sing this song...Cheers!

Rafiee,hope u'll enjoy the singing alongs on that video...hehe...
Madness...early morning..already start crapiness! During sahur...Nik was still online so we chatted..and suddenly we came up with a lame stuff...Instead of star wars..we had Mat Wars...And then there's Obi Mat Kedondong,Guai Gonjeng,Chew Bakar,Princess Meenah,Han Selow,R2-BUNTU,C3-BODO (under the feet there's a mark saying "Buatan Malaysia" And have small written words on the side saying "Malaysia Boleh wawasan 2020". And then I came up with the trailer...u know..one of those Star Wars trailers whereby the camera fades in and out..and there's like..part of the scene..and then words used to say out..like "One destiny" u know..stuff like that...Okay..Yoda has been changed to Mendak...so here it is...

Mendak:"Gua rasa budak itu,banyak kemarahanya" Mace Gundu:"Memang benar Mendak...Tapi...tetap macam siak,muka tak seberapa..." Mendak:"Diam! Aku tetap rasa force dia"

(Camera fades out then the word writes out) "Kalau satu hari,semua akan tenggelam"

(Camera fades in showing the mat takin' out his parang..and doing some fancy moves then camera fades out again)

"Kalau dunia islam,sudah tak betul" (camera fades in again,showing minah wearing skimpy clothes and having their face made up with 2cm Thick make ups then camera fades out again)

"Apa akan terjadi?Adalah ini nasib?" (Camera fades in again showing the mat clones lining up and marching and chanting,"Heran tak heran,goyang tak goyang"while another camera is showing the enemies (minahs) on the other side gearing up and then the camera fades out again)

"Akan ini semua,dibetulkan?" (Camera fades in and then loud music plays by some ochestra and then showing minahs and mat clones running towards each other with parangs,handbags or whatever things lah and then suddenly*BOOM*) In written form: Coming to the cinemas near u...Mat Wars: Attack Of The Minahs

Well,that's some mad stuff I came up with...hope it somehow,entertain u guys...Peace!

May the Golden Hair,be with u...
2 plus in the mornin' and I'm still awake...What a way to live a life...It's madness i tell ya! HAHAHAH....I just had a shower..my hair still wet and most real..feelin' so fresh! Just had four buns of Gardenia's Fun Bun and drinking Viva yoghurt drink. Had lotsa fun just now in IRC...chatted a lot of crappy stuff! Shammie was in..and yeah..chatted crap with her and nurul just now...Buahahahahaha! Okay...I have nothin' to say...I'm bored...it's 2 plus in the morning..and I'm typin' out crap..so yeah..there u go....HUERGH!

okay bye?

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Woot! It's buka time!! Woo hoo!! Had my "Qurma" and its works...And guess what?!?!?! MY NINA CALLED!! WOO HOO!!!! So happy! Get to hear her...she's still in pain but somehow,she says that it's getting better...She was lending her bike to her friend and she said that she would lend it to me but then...I don't know how to ride a bike...so that's the thing...Even so,I would willie on that bike..hehe. Whatever it is,I'm thankful that my baby's okay and glad that's she's doing allright...accept that she have to stay home and all. Get to talk to my girl for a while...WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy GiLER!!!

Allright,that's all I wanna say...back to my "buka-ing" session...PEACE!

BREAK FAST!! CHEERS!
Wow...it's so fast,time flies huh? It's a Wednesday already... I woke up around 12 plus cuz I sorta didn't sleep yesterday. Watched almost the whole series of "Band Of Brothers" but I sorta skipped some of the parts. I'm gonna have the real session today with my brother.(I know,I know,it's like what I did in B's place,watching DVD) So yeah,I've watched "Band Of Brothers" like god knows how many times but I still love it. Cuz it's a friggin' awesome show.

It's been two days... Well,yesterday,didn't get a message or a phonecall from her. I'm starting to miss her,real bad! I wished we could see each other or something... If only I had a teleport or better say,if only that thing existed...Wouldn't it be easier? Everytime she message me,something will surely go wrong..it's either there's something wrong with the comp or something wrong with the server..cuz everytime she message...the session would end. She never told me but I'm guessing... I wished i could see her and hug that li'l angel of mine. *sigh*. I guess that now,I'll just have to wait...

Two days had passed since the first day of fasting...And now we're set on the third and Geylang's already packin' up with people and i don't like that. Although many would say,"Why the hell not? It's fun to be in Geylang." I know,there's people..or whenever u go there..ur bound to meet people that u have not met for god knows how long... It's like a so called..."Mini-Reunion-Place" for everyone. And I live like what...a god damn 5 mins walk from the bazaar. It's so near to my place but yet,I ain't going even if u were to give me a million bucks. Another thing I hate,there's many of those...M&Ms...Mats & Minahs. Mats with those tattoos or mat's with those "flood" pants (paddlepushers of course) or mats who's lookin',extremely,I repeat,EXTREMELY STUPID! And those minahs...with their 2cm "thick" make ups...lookin' all slutty and cheap even in front of those "makciks" and trying to look pretty even if they're not. And some,the FAT minahs...they wear one of those tight,revealing clothes like tank tops or tube...I mean...uergh! It's horrifying. And there are those minahs who's the grade B minahs...Dress almost a bit like those Grade A minahs..but a li'l less skimpy and their make ups..ain't that thick. And there's the Grade C minahs (Those who are below 13)It's like,they dress up like their Minah Sisters but the only thing...They tried...I say it again,they tried to "pump" up their chest to look big..by stuffing in tissues or something. So that's one of the reasons on why,I don't go down to Geylang. I'd only come down to get burgers or "deng deng"...

Okay,I now officially,not know of what to type... So,once again,I bid u farewell! Stay tune 'fans"!

P/S(plain sunset?): Nina baby,i love you!! If ur reading this,i just want u to know how bad I'm missin' u.....VERY BAD! hehehe. Do call me ya? Cuz I have no way of contacting ya...

Another P/S : Hey,u guys who's reading,my pics are up if u guys didn't know..u can check it out,if there's no link,it means there's something wrong with my link site... Try again later or somethin'.

Cheers!

Monday, October 27, 2003

Wow Wee!! It's a Monday! And it's the first day of the fasting month! Amazing isn't it? Slept at around 12 plus in the mornin' yesterday and didn't wake up at all for "Sahur"... But I guess it's okay,A big man like me...can last till night...so no worries! To all u guys and girls out there...Happy Fasting! U'll get ur reward at the end of the month...RAYA! And one more thing....to everyone that's reading this blog and to those who turn up for the L2R3 gig....Thanks for comin'! Thanks for supporting the local scene and also,those who stayed for No Direction's set...I would like to say thanks! Thanks a million cuz it meant a lot to us! Without u guys,it wouldn't be a great set!

I miss my baby and I don't know how she's doin'...Last I heard from her was yesterday. She called me up when she was meetin' her dad or something. Glad to hear her voice...And I'm really lookin' forward to hear her again or at least a message. I know she's hard to reach...Darn... All I have to do is wait. I would call her on her mom's phone...but now...I don't dare to. Baby,i miss u lots! Love u baby and make sure u take those medications aight? Do call me...

Allright folks,I'm in a middle of this mad game on MSN with Irma...Peace!

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Wow! It's been two days since I've last blogged....MADNESS!! Well,here I am and guess what? Thursday wasn't the only day that I stayed the night out... I stayed at B's place for both Friday and Saturday night... Heheh..

I miss my baby,she met with an accident on the road and she's having a dislocated knee and now it's sorta swollen. I wished I could visit her but I can't...well,for some reasons... I was so god damn worried when she didn't message me on friday...which she did..later that evening..and then on saturday..she didn't message..till afternoon..so i'm glad...But it seems like it's not enough..I MISS HER!!! I pray for her to get better soon... I wish i could accompany her and be her personal entertainer or something. Honey,if ur reading this...have lotsa rest,ya? Get well soon cuz I'm lookin' forward to see ya! And about the show,no worries okay? There's always other shows that my band might play in and u can see my band play...The main thing is,rest...

Talkin' about the gig,License To Revolution 3 sets off yesterday...It was a fun gig! Lotsa familiar faces...and lotsa friends...The whole big bunch of us was sittin' and taking up the space on the side...it was madness. "Mom" was there and Dilah and Fattah was there too along with Nora... These are some of the old peers that used to go gigs together who says that they can't be bothered with the gig these days due to the new stupid kids (E.g. Newbies of Skinheads,punk and rudies) cuz they simply make my old peers sick. But they came anyways..and it was like old times,the bunch of us,hangin' out,shouting out and talkin' shit. My band was playing alongside with bands like Shoe Size Nine,Seven Sundays,Plain Sunset,Captain holiday,Never Too Late,Pop Whizzee and a few others... It was great to be able to share the stage with SS9 again...just like old times. When Shoe Size Nine played,I was singing along to some of their music...they simply rock and they're one of the bands that I'm proud of cuz they improved since their first gig. Plain Sunset,by default,rocks the stage...They played both old and new songs and the kids was singing along with them... It was an awesome set for most of the bands...And the turnout,it was like the first License To Revolution...It was a big crowd! When it was No Direction's set...it was fun! I enjoyed myself upstage...With friends at the side teasing me and shouting out some crappy stuff..and some friends and followers standing in front of the stage...It was awesome...it's been a long time since I've played on a stage and havin' so many people standing in front of us and shouting out stuff to us...It was total madness! We started off with a cover from The Ataris,Summer Winds Was Always Our Song and well,some shit happened but after that,we carried on smoothly with some minor errors... Overall,it was fun,fun,FUN!... After Plain Sunset's set..we set off cuz after them,it was the Oi! band...and Oi! band spells out TROUBLE...We don't wanna get involve in that shit,so we set off. And it was true,the next thing I heard from those who stayed behind..that there was a fight that broke out...(What's new?!)Those bunch of new SHITheads..ermm..I mean..skinheads are pure troublemakers...they're like a robot built to destroy or something...

Enough of the gig,it's over...At least I know this last gig before I go into the Army,was a fun and satisfying one... Anyways,I'll be meeting up with Tunggal later on to hang out...It's been some time since I've last met that Tungster...He's meeting me and the rest of the "squad" to have a MOHAA session...

Okay folks,take care...till then,enjoy!

CHEERS!

Friday, October 24, 2003

Hey ho peeps! Good mornin' to all! Yesterday was a mad day of the month. Okay,that's kinda wrong,cuz it's like....something mad always happens in my life. Earlier part of the day around 12 plus,I went to meet my baby in Tampines. I feel bad cuz I made her wait for like,almost half an hour. I'm really sorry dear! We went to get her drink at breeks and then settled down for breakfast in BK. I was havin' such a great time and all and I wished to spend time a li'l longer but then,my meet with her was cut short when her mom passed by and "stole" her away from my moments. Madness!

After that,I was left alone but it's okay,I understand why she was taken away. Met Dilah as soon as she left and then set off to Bedok Res (One of the new blocks before Sheng Shiong) and Dilah got food for Nora who was studying hard and didn't have time to cook. Very sweet of my bro. After all that,went down to Bedok Int to meet Pluggy. And then,the same old mad bunch set off to slack in East Coast. (Why east Coast? Where the hell I know,Dilah just felt like getting some sea breeze!) It was kinda awesome,the winds was blowing and it's like "Heaven" cuz I know,if there were to be matress...I would have slept there and then! Hanged out,talk crap,sing some songs and shouting out like bunch of mad kids. Slack till about 10 plus comin' to 11 that's when we decided to slack. Ton the whole night cuz IK called me up saying..."Wan,I don't wanna go home...I'm at Bugis smokin' shisha"..MADNESS!! SHISHA SEY! hahaha,so most real,when I hear there's a few people tonning,my mind set to tonning mode as well. So yeah,we decided to ton in "Paris" (To some of u who do not know the term "Paris" when used here by the mad circle of friends,Paris means...Pasir Ris) Planned out the spot,time of meet and all and last minute,Pluggy decided to go home cuz she have to meet her friend or something. Took a long ride to "Paris" and Azri keeps callin' me up askin' if Pluggy was with us. The thing is,she wasn't and I can't do much to help him. He was really worried and stuff that pluggy was unreachable. Well,whatever it is,I hope that everything will be okay for the both of 'em. My angel.Nina.went riding to Changi and I'm really worried cuz I still have not gotten any SMS or calls from her since the last Message yesterday. She said that she'll be riding to Changi,alone. I don't know,I'm all worried for my baby...I really hope that she sms me soon!

Shouting out loud,screaming away,singing songs while Dil and Sammy played some familiar tunes on the guitar... Talk crap while we're at it,changing the lyrics to some crappy words...and it was madness!

Went back home straight on the first bus...well not really first bus lah,maybe second or third...Don't know lah. Overall,it was mad fun I had...Wished that my nina could join us yesterday. Hope to see her soon...I really hope...

Anyways,today's ND's jammin' session but all of us ain't sure on when we'll be jammin'. And well,the girls are jammin' too...at 4 so damn! I can't join them..unless ND's jammin' late at night. So yeah,that's about it on what happened yesterday...

My body's achin' right now and I think I should get some sleep cuz yesterday,I stayed up...well..sorta stayed up..cuz i had a short nap. Anyways,I'm outta here....Stay tuned,I shall write in again!

CHEERS!

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Woowee!! It's the mornin' again. Madness,the first thing I did was fix up my guitar strings cuz it's fuckin' rusted up! It's those kind of rusted up whereby u slide ur finger on it,it will simply give a nice small cut on ur fingers... Now,it's THAT kind of rusted up.

While I was fixin' up my strings,my baby called. She was in school and she was feelin' all nervous and stuff about the presentation. It was nice to hear her voice...hehe.. And yeah,she found her wallet back...ain't that cooL?! That's awesome! And yesterday,I get to see her for a while. I was hangin' out at BK and she dropped by! WOO HOO!! I'm so happy!

Had my accoustic session with First Chapter yesterday in Sunplaza Park area... Khuz,Fir,Tweet & Mon...was there. Made our new songs,modified some stuff...It was fun. in the evening,hanged out at BK with Dzafir,Sofyn,Hafiz and Amok...and then my baby came. Overall,had lots of laughter and crappy sessions...hehehe..

And guess what,Nina's mom called me up! hehehe,she was askin' me about some stuff... Madness... But she's cool,I have the feelin' that her mom trust me...and that's..waaay cool! Well,hope the status would be on the cool side.

Anyways,ain't got much things to say...so peace outside to the inside-o ya'all!

CHEERS!

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Hey ho,let's go! Good mornin' ya'all! I sorta just woke up and still feelin' groggy and all. I can't believe that I'm still smiling from yesterday's date. She made me smile simply by lookin' at her and guess what? i'm missin' her already!

Went out with her yesterday! It was a simple but and it was a great date with her. Being with her,simply give me the warmth and I do feel comfy with her. Went to meet up with her in Tamp early in the morning,(10 plus maybe consider early mornin' to some..so yeah..),And wanted to take the train but then again,it's so early...hehe,by the time we reach town,none of the shops would have open up yet. So took the bus and god damn it was a long right but it was worth it. Sittin' next to her and chit chattin' and listening to my MD was really enjoyable and the whole journey took about almost an hour to reach to town. Went to Delifrance in Taka to have breakfast. I was seriously,like one lost goat in a middle of a field. Puttin' me alone in Delifrance without any guidance is like putting a caveman in the middle of Orchard Road! My baby guided me in Delifrance. So i followed whatever she was havin' (hehe).

Went to catch a movie soon after that,"Rundown",starring the Rock. It was crappy kinda funny and we really enjoyed that show...If u guys are into crappy funny show,catch rundown...it's funny. Soon after we got out of the cinema,my baby realised that she had lost her wallet. Tried checkin' the places but no where to be found. My poor baby,I felt kinda hopeless as in,I can't do nothin' about that. Baby,if ur reading this,I'm sorry aight?

In the evenin',we set off back to Tamp to hang out at BK for a while. Met up with Dil and chilled there. Talk a bit and stuff and after a while,she had to go off cuz she had to prepare some stuff for her presentation. Before she left,I stole a kiss from her and it was a nice feeling i had yesterday. Can't wait to see her again!

After she left,me and dil set off to meet up with SS9 cuz they were havin' the Void Deck session. Slack with them till about 10 plus and that's when I got home. Early huh? That's soooo not me...

Aight,today i'll be havin' my own Void Deck Session with First Chapter but I'm still waitin' for Tweet to call me up. So till then my fellow readers... CHEERS!

Saturday, October 18, 2003

Mornin' peeps! I woke up quite early today...9+ and that's my normal time except that for this past few days,I've been wakin' up late. Currently,I'm like half naked...only in my boxers (Don't even try to imagine,I ain't sexy and I'm fat...so instead of six packs,u'll see six fats). Okay,what the hell was that for? I don't know,simply want to say it out. I'm going to start progressing on the band's page once I'm done surfing and blogging. One more thing,if u guys wondering,what's playing right now on my blogspot? Look to ur left,read up "MUSIC BLASTING"...There,u'll see the band's name and their song...

I'm still waiting for my angel to call...Maybe she's in school or something. Didn't know anything cuz I didn't hear from her yesterday night. I'm totally like anticipating for this Monday,she say that she'll be going out with me...(WOOPEEDOO!!!) but seriously,I still have no idea on where to go...Gotta cook up a plan pretty soon. NgAsT!

Today,is a Saturday...and my normal routine would be...meeting up with the boys,go jammin' then hang out..and then go back to B's place and stay the night there. That's what I always do on Saturdays but now since B can't book out...I don't know what to do. I'm sure there'll be some last minute spontanious kinda plan.

Anyways guys,take care cuz I'm outta here!

Offheidesen!
Wow,the Friday never went as boring as ever. I was at home the whole fuckin' day. Suppose to go out and get "Calls Of Duty" but the guy at Tecdrome said that the stock shipment changed date,it's comin' in near the end of this month,so once again,I'm held back to get that game. My baby called in the afternoon and she sounded tired and all cuz she didn't have enough sleep,poor baby and once again,she didn't ride. She went to bugis with her friends and while she was talkin' to me I heard the train closing door beeping sound. I was really happy to hear her...hope she enjoyed her day in town area. I guess that's the way she de-stress herself...shopping...hehehe,madness it is but if that's the way she de-stress..by all means... wanted to talk to her in the evening but end up not doing it. Wanted to call her home but didn't want to disturb her mom. But it's okay,there's always later...in the morning or afternoon,she will call me... I'm anticipating for that.

Bernard called me up in the morning just now (Friday) that he's stayin' in camp (to pay off his confinements) for two days (Friday & Saturday). So we didn't jam...he'll be comin' out on Sunday early,so there...looks like we'll be jammin' on that day.

All right guys,this is it for today,another entry later on...Farewell...

Cheers!

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Hey ho! What's up peeps? Status on my Diarrhoea...doing better,stomache ain't on auto mode no more...Now,I can control..so no pants wasted yesterday. as for my so called "fever" it went away yesterday... Today,feelin' okay.

My dearest called me up just now...glad to hear her...some bad things had happened and that's fucked up. Some girl accused her of stealing ideas on her project..when my girl and that "Cina bukit" girl are doing on a totally different topics. i mean,logically...how can u rip off an idea when ur doing two different topics? That girl's bein' immature. Anyways,baby,just take it easy aight? U did the right thing,being cool about it...and being nice..that is all that matters...she's the one that's being a bitch. Just take it easy dear...

She might be meeting me in the evening,that is...if her meeting ends early. I hope she can. Anyways,the gig's comin' up...real soon. It's next week and us,No Direction...havin' a slight problem. B might not be able to book out... but he's doing his best to make sure we play. So B...my bro..YEAH! He might or might not be able to book out tomorrow and we're havin' that gig meeting at City Hall,to finalize stuff. So yeah,today...ain't a big event day..nothin' much is happening...

Cheers!

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