Sunday...again... Here I am at home... and yesterday was one mad night... I got screened by cops...FOR THE FIRST TIME!! Hahaha..finally...screenin'!
Went jammin' with the boys at Carudi's...created some new songs and workin' on some older songs. Jessie,Sofyn and Fad followed us but Jessie left after a while to meet her boyfriend. So there we were jammin' and god damn..I was sweatin' like a pig! Hot room.. After that jammin' session...went up to Peninsula Plaza to meet up with Nik and his girl...Met up there..move up to S-11 and had our dinner. Same old thing...Fishball Noodles..Dry..hehe...Always eat that when I'm there...and I still can't find the reason why. Chit chatted and laughed cuz Fad and Fir was talkin' crap and doin' funny actions. After dinner...head down to padang and guess what? We saw the rockstar collectives kid hangin' out around the steps area in front of the court...
We hanged out at the seats in the field... Dzul, Inn & IK joined us after a while...so there we were... No Direction,Fad,Inn,Dzul,Nik,Min,Sofyn,Mon..hangin' out there... We got screened..Twice! Like...totally... Screened by one whole van of CIDs...with that amount of people..who wouldn't freaked out...I know I did...They walked towards us and the spread themselves to surround us...it's like wow...we did somethin' bad... Hehe..whatever it is... We played ragam and we laughed out loud...and most real..with IK's floorball ball...they played soccer in the field...I was the only one ain't playin'...it was funny...With fad's loud shouting and actions..with each of their clumsiness...it was crappy fun.. but the fun was disrupted by the security sayin' that we can't play there.. After all those screenin' and stuff..we head out to esplanade..cuz we don't want to be screened again for stayin' there long... Sat down by the side of the curb along the path in esplanade...we created some of our own games...and it was crappy...played "James Bond"...and played the song game...hehehehe..."One night, as I walk and masturbate along the east coastline, I saw a huge man..." HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" That was somethin'..hahaha... p|uGGy told me that she see if she could join us yesterday and well..she didn't...no contact from her so I guess she didn't want to.. She should have been there... Missin' all the fun and another thing.. it's been a long time since she hanged out with us... She was always there when we have this kind of crappy late night sessions... But too bad...she ain't there... *sigh*...
Aight...gotta go,my body's achin' all over... Cheers!
Hamster
Radwimps - Me Me She
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Here's the entries I wrote while I was in camp last week:-
Wenesday, February 2004
Wow! It's been like three days since I last book in. Had my field camp on Monday and it ended on Tuesday. Okay, Let me rephrase that, it's part two of my field camp and overall, it was fun and learnt a few new things. Whenever we practise our movement, I imagined myself as being one of the guys from Easy Company in the show, "Band Of Brothers". There was one moment that we got our OC really, really mad. We were told to stand in "sedia" position and not move... that's what we did and it ain't a short stand. We stood there, tryin' not to move a single muscle for almost half an hour. It may sound as if it's nothin' but try this, stand still and not move in a sedia position for almost 30 mins... with webbin' on ur back, helmet on ur head and rifle slinged to the side. Durin' that 30 mins... one by one fell out due to the pressure and not being able to take it. I almost joined in but I endured and I nearly fainted. Thank god that nothin' did happen.
In the night at the field in my "basha" and in between the rows of rubber trees, I looked up into the sky and it was the best sight ever. Not even monet can buy that beautiful moment. It was a clear sky, no clouds coverin' that blacken sky and the grounds was ,lighted up by both moonlight and stars. It was beautiful, stars scattered all over the sky as if an artist sprinkle glitters onto his canvas as a background or somethin'. Bright stars, faded stars and other kinds of stars, you name it, it was there. There were a few that formed up in a line. You can't get this view from mainland, okay, maybe not can't get but once in a while.
While gazin' up, I no ticed the very same stars that 've been lookin' out for, for the past two years. It's still there, same formation and everythin' except that there are a few new stars formed up around them. These few stars are the stars that I gazed up with p|uGGy when I was with her, two years ago and that was in Bedok Skate Park. That was where those stars were first sighted by us.
My spirit was downed earlier in the day when I got a message fromp|uGGy. I messaged her sarcasticly that she always have to go and she's always busy to even reply me with one message. Okay, it's my own bad failt to say that to her and when she replied back by sayin' sorry to ignore me cuz she don't want complications to rise up again. I understand what she meant by that. What made me down was when she SMSed me,"Don't message me unless I message you..." That... Somehow broke my heart. I know it ain't a big deal to some but it's a big one for me. Is she pushin' me off? Is she goin' away? Drift apart and forget me? Maybe what she's doing is for our good? To help us both not have that feelin' anymore or should I say.. To help ME move on and forget what we had?
I know that I've been writin' about this for a long time and some of you guys might get bored of it but that's how I feel for her. I loved her and always will, even though I know I can't.
Maybe those new stars formed up near the stars that I gazed with her have meanings? Tellin' me to move on? There's others out there tryin' to "form" up betwen me and her... Question is, when will that one star appear and be here for me? Time will tell or maybe that I've already found her, it's just that I'm too blind to see?
Anyways, I'll be havin' on OC night tomorrow and I'll be performin' in a Dikir Barat group, can you believe this? Dikir Barat? ME?! Well, believe it, cuz I'm doin' it. There's like so many guys in my company that's from different Dikit Barat groups out there, so...it ain't a problem. There'll be other races joinin' in the show tomorrow, Indians & Chinese... Cool ey?
Thursday, 26th February 2004
Phew! The performance's done for. First time performin' in a Dikir group and it was a totally new experience. Used to hate dikir barat the last time due to th face that I find it..kinda lame and I know that is bad cuz it's like my own Malay culture but now, I find it nice and beautiful in a way. It ain't that easy cuz you have to memorise lyrics and steps. It's one thing that I now respect and it's one of my own culture which is... Dikir Barat.
That ain't the only thing I performed today, the Dikir Barat thing was the company's performance and the famous New Zealand All Black Haka dance was the other thing I did. I don't know how we looked like from the eyes of the other guys from the company that's watchin' our show. After all of the performance, we had fun and we so called, "party"... It was like in a club an that "club" was a basketball court. Loud music playin' from the stereo... hip Hop, RnB, Techno and a few other kind of music. It was madness and that wasn't the only madness... All of the recruits were busy lookin' for their own sergeants and leftenants to sabo. Each and everyone of the officers and instructors in our company got "sabo"-ed by us. Usin' black camo cream to wipe their faces and usin' water to get them really wet. It was fun, for a while.
Tomorrow, will just be another normal day. Back to our daily routines again. I heard that there'll be a 12 km route march this Saturday and that, we'll be bookin' out around 2 in the afternoon. Boring!
After the event today, I began to wonder and think... would these guys who suffered, laughed and had fun together with me fro the past two months or so still keep in touch with one another or would they just be another passer by in part of my life, just for memories? What my friends told me... is so true... "BMT is the best moment you'll have durin' your NS days, it's somethin' you'll never forget, so do treasure them.." Lookin' at each one of 'em, I told myself, "I'm gonna miss these bunch one day."
"From strangers to brothers, together we stand"
- 19th Echo 1 Slogan
Friday, 27th February 2004
Same bed, same window, same locker and same people. It's dead borin' here I tell ya. Be goin' for my route march tomorrow and it's a 12 click and that is one holy distance. Anyways, that ain't the thing that I wanna write about. It's about p|uGGy.. I was god damn happy when she called me... I get to chit chat with her for a while in the afternoon, right after I had my lunch. She called me up to ask for Alwee's number (Alwee is the guy that I hate for what he did to p|uGGy and he was the guy that was with her before me). p|uGGy wanted to fuck Alwee up for what he's doin' to her friend. He's talkin' cock & bull stories to this girl and causin' some problem. p|uGGy didn't like what he's doin' It's somethin' about Alwee makin' the girl look bad or somethin'. Whatever it is, I know that p|uGGy will fuck him up for what he did.
p|uGGy made my day... she made me smile somehow and boy, it was great to be able to talk crap with her for some time. Aight, gotta go... gotta have my rest, tomorrow's the BIG walk...
Wenesday, February 2004
Wow! It's been like three days since I last book in. Had my field camp on Monday and it ended on Tuesday. Okay, Let me rephrase that, it's part two of my field camp and overall, it was fun and learnt a few new things. Whenever we practise our movement, I imagined myself as being one of the guys from Easy Company in the show, "Band Of Brothers". There was one moment that we got our OC really, really mad. We were told to stand in "sedia" position and not move... that's what we did and it ain't a short stand. We stood there, tryin' not to move a single muscle for almost half an hour. It may sound as if it's nothin' but try this, stand still and not move in a sedia position for almost 30 mins... with webbin' on ur back, helmet on ur head and rifle slinged to the side. Durin' that 30 mins... one by one fell out due to the pressure and not being able to take it. I almost joined in but I endured and I nearly fainted. Thank god that nothin' did happen.
In the night at the field in my "basha" and in between the rows of rubber trees, I looked up into the sky and it was the best sight ever. Not even monet can buy that beautiful moment. It was a clear sky, no clouds coverin' that blacken sky and the grounds was ,lighted up by both moonlight and stars. It was beautiful, stars scattered all over the sky as if an artist sprinkle glitters onto his canvas as a background or somethin'. Bright stars, faded stars and other kinds of stars, you name it, it was there. There were a few that formed up in a line. You can't get this view from mainland, okay, maybe not can't get but once in a while.
While gazin' up, I no ticed the very same stars that 've been lookin' out for, for the past two years. It's still there, same formation and everythin' except that there are a few new stars formed up around them. These few stars are the stars that I gazed up with p|uGGy when I was with her, two years ago and that was in Bedok Skate Park. That was where those stars were first sighted by us.
My spirit was downed earlier in the day when I got a message fromp|uGGy. I messaged her sarcasticly that she always have to go and she's always busy to even reply me with one message. Okay, it's my own bad failt to say that to her and when she replied back by sayin' sorry to ignore me cuz she don't want complications to rise up again. I understand what she meant by that. What made me down was when she SMSed me,"Don't message me unless I message you..." That... Somehow broke my heart. I know it ain't a big deal to some but it's a big one for me. Is she pushin' me off? Is she goin' away? Drift apart and forget me? Maybe what she's doing is for our good? To help us both not have that feelin' anymore or should I say.. To help ME move on and forget what we had?
I know that I've been writin' about this for a long time and some of you guys might get bored of it but that's how I feel for her. I loved her and always will, even though I know I can't.
Maybe those new stars formed up near the stars that I gazed with her have meanings? Tellin' me to move on? There's others out there tryin' to "form" up betwen me and her... Question is, when will that one star appear and be here for me? Time will tell or maybe that I've already found her, it's just that I'm too blind to see?
Anyways, I'll be havin' on OC night tomorrow and I'll be performin' in a Dikir Barat group, can you believe this? Dikir Barat? ME?! Well, believe it, cuz I'm doin' it. There's like so many guys in my company that's from different Dikit Barat groups out there, so...it ain't a problem. There'll be other races joinin' in the show tomorrow, Indians & Chinese... Cool ey?
Thursday, 26th February 2004
Phew! The performance's done for. First time performin' in a Dikir group and it was a totally new experience. Used to hate dikir barat the last time due to th face that I find it..kinda lame and I know that is bad cuz it's like my own Malay culture but now, I find it nice and beautiful in a way. It ain't that easy cuz you have to memorise lyrics and steps. It's one thing that I now respect and it's one of my own culture which is... Dikir Barat.
That ain't the only thing I performed today, the Dikir Barat thing was the company's performance and the famous New Zealand All Black Haka dance was the other thing I did. I don't know how we looked like from the eyes of the other guys from the company that's watchin' our show. After all of the performance, we had fun and we so called, "party"... It was like in a club an that "club" was a basketball court. Loud music playin' from the stereo... hip Hop, RnB, Techno and a few other kind of music. It was madness and that wasn't the only madness... All of the recruits were busy lookin' for their own sergeants and leftenants to sabo. Each and everyone of the officers and instructors in our company got "sabo"-ed by us. Usin' black camo cream to wipe their faces and usin' water to get them really wet. It was fun, for a while.
Tomorrow, will just be another normal day. Back to our daily routines again. I heard that there'll be a 12 km route march this Saturday and that, we'll be bookin' out around 2 in the afternoon. Boring!
After the event today, I began to wonder and think... would these guys who suffered, laughed and had fun together with me fro the past two months or so still keep in touch with one another or would they just be another passer by in part of my life, just for memories? What my friends told me... is so true... "BMT is the best moment you'll have durin' your NS days, it's somethin' you'll never forget, so do treasure them.." Lookin' at each one of 'em, I told myself, "I'm gonna miss these bunch one day."
"From strangers to brothers, together we stand"
- 19th Echo 1 Slogan
Friday, 27th February 2004
Same bed, same window, same locker and same people. It's dead borin' here I tell ya. Be goin' for my route march tomorrow and it's a 12 click and that is one holy distance. Anyways, that ain't the thing that I wanna write about. It's about p|uGGy.. I was god damn happy when she called me... I get to chit chat with her for a while in the afternoon, right after I had my lunch. She called me up to ask for Alwee's number (Alwee is the guy that I hate for what he did to p|uGGy and he was the guy that was with her before me). p|uGGy wanted to fuck Alwee up for what he's doin' to her friend. He's talkin' cock & bull stories to this girl and causin' some problem. p|uGGy didn't like what he's doin' It's somethin' about Alwee makin' the girl look bad or somethin'. Whatever it is, I know that p|uGGy will fuck him up for what he did.
p|uGGy made my day... she made me smile somehow and boy, it was great to be able to talk crap with her for some time. Aight, gotta go... gotta have my rest, tomorrow's the BIG walk...
Sunday, February 22, 2004
This next few entries will be an account from my diary when I was in camp:-
Monday, January 16th 2004
Here I am again, lying on my bed in the dark. It's 10:09 right now and the bunk lights are off. We're having an early lights off today cuz we'll be having IPPT Evaluation tomorrow and the sargeants wants us to rest. I Heard from the guys that we'll be havin' lessons on trench diggin' this Wednesday and boy,I can't wait for that shit to end. Same goes for field camp... wanna end that shit as soon as it can end. Some of the guys in my bunk ain't asleep yet... Same goes to the other bunks I guess. Currently, as I lay down on my bed or any free moments I have here... I've been thinkin' a lot about things...
Thinking about Emelia, about how I get to know her and how we met up and have our date. I'm havin' doubts on whether I should go on with her or wait... Wait for the moment that I've always wished for and look out to. For that past Valentine's Day, I wished for that one girl to go out with me. The girl that I know, I would have fun and enjoy my moments with for that special day. It's really bad of me to say all this but I simply can't click with my date for that day. If only she were to open her mouth and talk more, it would be okay. Let's just see where wuold we go from here.
The show's comin' up soon and it's this Saturday. First Chapter will be playing for the first time and it'll be my first time performin' on stage as a drummer. Can't wait for that and I really wished that I could book out early this comin' Saturday...
"" If only you'd come back to me, this place would be a better place to live in... But that's all impossible... for now...
Tuesday, February 17th 2004
Only one day had past and it's going by so slowly... always had been since the first day I came in here. Right now, Layin' on my bed with no one to message and it's pretty borin'. Only source of contact with the outside world. Got a few messages though, from those whom I look forward to get from. Missin' people back home, anticipatin' for weekends to go back home and spend time with those who I missed. Gettin' sick of this shitty place, wished for all this to end quickly... but that's impossible. P.O.P is comin' up soon and that is in about 5 more weeks to go. THe worst ain't over yet.
We'll be havin' trench diggin' tomorrow and listenin' to the briefin' earlier on by our Lt somehow brought my morale down. I feel that it's going to be a super mega tirin' day cuz we're going to dig up for almost half a day... SHAGNESS!!
Aight, I guess I better have my rest and do a li'l bit of messaging with Emelia... I'll write in again the enxt day... Cheers!
Wednesday, February 18th 2004
Wow! It was one hell of a fucked up day today. I was tired as fucked. Early in the morning, had this shit called Aqua Aerobics and yeah, I know, it sounds stupid... well... it IS. Got punished for so many times and I think that we did almost 200 jumping jacks in the water and soon after that, 50 more outside. That shagged us all. In the later morning, we went to this place, an open space land roughly about 6 clicks away from our company line. This is where we did... Trench diggin' and that adds on to our tiredness. It ain't easy to dig one trench. We start off by diggin' this trench called Shellscrape, it looks a li'l bit like a grave block except this one, ur suppose to prone in it and not be seen by the enemy... or, somethin' like that. The other one we did, it's called the fire trench. This one was worse to dig and it really shagged us all.
Glad that all of that trench shit if over. Right now, I'm on my bed, as always... thinkin' about that someone again. She's actin' all weird and she doesn't message like how she would always message me the last time. I'm very sure that somethin's ain't right but she just do not want to say it out. Whatever it is, I know that she's one person that I truly and dearly miss. I hope that she'll be okay.
Aight gotta go now,havin' a parade tomorrow, some parade called the OC Master Parade...
Cheers!
Thursday, February 19th 2004
Today went out fine not until our sargeants told us the complains my platoon got. Some of us ain't happy about those complains cuz we know that we didn't do those things. Whatever it is... It's god damn demoralizing. Now, I don't even have the confidence to go for that stupid field camp this comin' Monday...
We had some kind of a parade this morning and well, it ain't that bad, everythin' went out good. But somehow, I was feelin' kinda low, thinkin' about things back home. People I miss worries me... It's hard to explain it in words, u have to be me to know what I'm feelin' right now. Only one more day to endure before I fuck off for the weekend.
The gig's comin' up, real fast. Feelin' nervous for it. Hope that everythin' will go fine. Gotta go, lights off already.
Friday, February 20th 2004
I came to a conclusion that if u don't count the days, the week would end quickly and well...it did. It seems like only yesterday was the day of my enlistment but the true fact is that... I'm almost at my two months mark here. Lookin' at the new enlistees, reminds me of the time when I first enter here... Lost, alone and have no fuckin' idea of what to do or where to go. 2 months later, take a look at us... "Veterans" of Tekong. We know where to go and what to do and these guys that's with me now, who were once strangers are now brothers to me. Together we get fucked, together we laughed and enjoy and together we suffer. If u guys watched "Band Of Brothers" on Episode 1 "Curahee"... It's somethin' like that.
Right now, as I lay down on my bed, we're havin' admin time right now. I've been thinkin' of that someone ever since my last book in. I'm wonderin', thinkin' and hopin'... hopin' that the same star would shine brightly high above again. I ain't got much to say except to keep low and quiet and wait and be there for her and I'll try to make sure that she's happy.
"May the soul she was searching for be found so that she won't be confused no more..."
Monday, January 16th 2004
Here I am again, lying on my bed in the dark. It's 10:09 right now and the bunk lights are off. We're having an early lights off today cuz we'll be having IPPT Evaluation tomorrow and the sargeants wants us to rest. I Heard from the guys that we'll be havin' lessons on trench diggin' this Wednesday and boy,I can't wait for that shit to end. Same goes for field camp... wanna end that shit as soon as it can end. Some of the guys in my bunk ain't asleep yet... Same goes to the other bunks I guess. Currently, as I lay down on my bed or any free moments I have here... I've been thinkin' a lot about things...
Thinking about Emelia, about how I get to know her and how we met up and have our date. I'm havin' doubts on whether I should go on with her or wait... Wait for the moment that I've always wished for and look out to. For that past Valentine's Day, I wished for that one girl to go out with me. The girl that I know, I would have fun and enjoy my moments with for that special day. It's really bad of me to say all this but I simply can't click with my date for that day. If only she were to open her mouth and talk more, it would be okay. Let's just see where wuold we go from here.
The show's comin' up soon and it's this Saturday. First Chapter will be playing for the first time and it'll be my first time performin' on stage as a drummer. Can't wait for that and I really wished that I could book out early this comin' Saturday...
"" If only you'd come back to me, this place would be a better place to live in... But that's all impossible... for now...
Tuesday, February 17th 2004
Only one day had past and it's going by so slowly... always had been since the first day I came in here. Right now, Layin' on my bed with no one to message and it's pretty borin'. Only source of contact with the outside world. Got a few messages though, from those whom I look forward to get from. Missin' people back home, anticipatin' for weekends to go back home and spend time with those who I missed. Gettin' sick of this shitty place, wished for all this to end quickly... but that's impossible. P.O.P is comin' up soon and that is in about 5 more weeks to go. THe worst ain't over yet.
We'll be havin' trench diggin' tomorrow and listenin' to the briefin' earlier on by our Lt somehow brought my morale down. I feel that it's going to be a super mega tirin' day cuz we're going to dig up for almost half a day... SHAGNESS!!
Aight, I guess I better have my rest and do a li'l bit of messaging with Emelia... I'll write in again the enxt day... Cheers!
Wednesday, February 18th 2004
Wow! It was one hell of a fucked up day today. I was tired as fucked. Early in the morning, had this shit called Aqua Aerobics and yeah, I know, it sounds stupid... well... it IS. Got punished for so many times and I think that we did almost 200 jumping jacks in the water and soon after that, 50 more outside. That shagged us all. In the later morning, we went to this place, an open space land roughly about 6 clicks away from our company line. This is where we did... Trench diggin' and that adds on to our tiredness. It ain't easy to dig one trench. We start off by diggin' this trench called Shellscrape, it looks a li'l bit like a grave block except this one, ur suppose to prone in it and not be seen by the enemy... or, somethin' like that. The other one we did, it's called the fire trench. This one was worse to dig and it really shagged us all.
Glad that all of that trench shit if over. Right now, I'm on my bed, as always... thinkin' about that someone again. She's actin' all weird and she doesn't message like how she would always message me the last time. I'm very sure that somethin's ain't right but she just do not want to say it out. Whatever it is, I know that she's one person that I truly and dearly miss. I hope that she'll be okay.
Aight gotta go now,havin' a parade tomorrow, some parade called the OC Master Parade...
Cheers!
Thursday, February 19th 2004
Today went out fine not until our sargeants told us the complains my platoon got. Some of us ain't happy about those complains cuz we know that we didn't do those things. Whatever it is... It's god damn demoralizing. Now, I don't even have the confidence to go for that stupid field camp this comin' Monday...
We had some kind of a parade this morning and well, it ain't that bad, everythin' went out good. But somehow, I was feelin' kinda low, thinkin' about things back home. People I miss worries me... It's hard to explain it in words, u have to be me to know what I'm feelin' right now. Only one more day to endure before I fuck off for the weekend.
The gig's comin' up, real fast. Feelin' nervous for it. Hope that everythin' will go fine. Gotta go, lights off already.
Friday, February 20th 2004
I came to a conclusion that if u don't count the days, the week would end quickly and well...it did. It seems like only yesterday was the day of my enlistment but the true fact is that... I'm almost at my two months mark here. Lookin' at the new enlistees, reminds me of the time when I first enter here... Lost, alone and have no fuckin' idea of what to do or where to go. 2 months later, take a look at us... "Veterans" of Tekong. We know where to go and what to do and these guys that's with me now, who were once strangers are now brothers to me. Together we get fucked, together we laughed and enjoy and together we suffer. If u guys watched "Band Of Brothers" on Episode 1 "Curahee"... It's somethin' like that.
Right now, as I lay down on my bed, we're havin' admin time right now. I've been thinkin' of that someone ever since my last book in. I'm wonderin', thinkin' and hopin'... hopin' that the same star would shine brightly high above again. I ain't got much to say except to keep low and quiet and wait and be there for her and I'll try to make sure that she's happy.
"May the soul she was searching for be found so that she won't be confused no more..."
Another book out...another book in...Damn...my weekends always feels as if they're like a nights off or somethin'...time really flies when ur enjoyin' things don't they? Spoilers at times. Here I am again at home...Ain't goin' out today..cuz there ain't anybody to go out with...okay..maybe it's not that..there's no one..it's just that..I wanna stay home. Everytime I book out,I'll always be out...so i guess it's time for me to at least stay home once in a while ey?
There was a lot of gigs going on yesterday...I played in two...and I heard from others sayin' that there's gigs in Lasalle & Sentosa... i mean...WOW! It's one of those gig seasons again! I played for two bands...Both First Chapter & No Direction... The first one was First Chapter..in Marina Promenade...And fuck..I totally screwed up.. It was my first time playin' drums live... And I heard comments sayin' that I should hit the crash harder...Damn...I was too gentle with the drums... But I totally sucked...I played hopelessly on drums...maybe I'm not meant to be a drummer? Maybe I'm just one of those..play drums-during-jamming-sessions kinda guy? But the weird part is...people who hear...they said that it was okay...it ain't bad..Are those statements really true? Maybe out of Sympathy...who knows ey?
Later that evenin'...went to ANA Hotel to play for the Rock Star Collectives's It Takes A Kid To Know gig...I love that play..nice cosy lounge... Sofas and everythin'...it was nice..and the air-con..cool! AWesomely cool...So there we were...gettin' upstage...played our music..and came to a conclusion..that I played suckily...we all did... See kids...this is what will happen if u don't jam often...it's not that ND don't wanna jam..it's just that..we don't have the time to jam...STUPID NS BULLSHIT! So there u go...no time to jam..and everythin' sucks! I got lots of mistakes yesterday...and once again...people say that we were okay...hmm...sympathy again? i can't say...so..shut up hezwan!
I'll be bookin' in again this evenin'...around 6 plus... damn it..and it's field camp again..tomorrow..fuck! It's fuckin' borin'! Allright..I'm done with today's entry...Anyways...there's new pics and I'm lazy to put descriptions.so...pandai pandai eh tengok... enjoy the pics... CHEERS!
There was a lot of gigs going on yesterday...I played in two...and I heard from others sayin' that there's gigs in Lasalle & Sentosa... i mean...WOW! It's one of those gig seasons again! I played for two bands...Both First Chapter & No Direction... The first one was First Chapter..in Marina Promenade...And fuck..I totally screwed up.. It was my first time playin' drums live... And I heard comments sayin' that I should hit the crash harder...Damn...I was too gentle with the drums... But I totally sucked...I played hopelessly on drums...maybe I'm not meant to be a drummer? Maybe I'm just one of those..play drums-during-jamming-sessions kinda guy? But the weird part is...people who hear...they said that it was okay...it ain't bad..Are those statements really true? Maybe out of Sympathy...who knows ey?
Later that evenin'...went to ANA Hotel to play for the Rock Star Collectives's It Takes A Kid To Know gig...I love that play..nice cosy lounge... Sofas and everythin'...it was nice..and the air-con..cool! AWesomely cool...So there we were...gettin' upstage...played our music..and came to a conclusion..that I played suckily...we all did... See kids...this is what will happen if u don't jam often...it's not that ND don't wanna jam..it's just that..we don't have the time to jam...STUPID NS BULLSHIT! So there u go...no time to jam..and everythin' sucks! I got lots of mistakes yesterday...and once again...people say that we were okay...hmm...sympathy again? i can't say...so..shut up hezwan!
I'll be bookin' in again this evenin'...around 6 plus... damn it..and it's field camp again..tomorrow..fuck! It's fuckin' borin'! Allright..I'm done with today's entry...Anyways...there's new pics and I'm lazy to put descriptions.so...pandai pandai eh tengok... enjoy the pics... CHEERS!
Sunday, February 15, 2004
I can't believe this? One week of not being around...many things happened. I read the comments in Losing Streak's guestbook and I'm kinda dissapointed at the critics... Well,I can't say much cuz hey...it's their own fuckin' views..what can I do? right? So I have to accept both good comments and bad comments. But it was really hurting to know and read that there are people out there who hates us to the core and I still don't get it why. *sigh*...it really sucks to get news like that when u book out... But whatever it is,it's their views and I can't say much (that is so..repeated) Those who put out critism on my band..thanks for being honest rather than being two faced... No offense.. Whatever it is...
Yesterday was Valentine's Day...and that one person who I wished to be with can't be with me... I went out with this girl..Emelia (formerly known as Nisya...she hides her real name for security reasons) and well...I sucked. As in..I totally suck..I felt that I can't communicate with her or something...Maybe she ain't comfortable with,maybe she don't like it..I don't know... She gave me a gift and that was very sweet of her..she made it herself... Original plan..was to catch a movie...but god damn..the whole cinema's packed up...went to another cinema...same fuckin' thing...In the end..walked around..end up to a spot..where both of us..were quiet..and eventually..we went off...She left with her cousins and I met up with the guys ( and girls)...Went to Zouk to celebrate Dzafir's birthday and boy...it was an experience. I ain't a clubber..so going to a club is like trying to fly a spacecraft out of the atmosphere... After going through the whole security..payment..bla bla bla..everything went great... And never before..I repeat..never before u see bigguy dancin'! I did! I can't believe it myself! I fuckin' danced to trance beats...Don't even know how to dance,so what I did...bounced to the beat and just moved my hand around (Somewhat like one of those stupid para para moves). A punk rocker..looked like a hip hop (Cuz I had to wear pants and before that I was wearing berms,so I bought this jeans that cost me 60 bucks at Far East Plaza) and danced like an ah-beng...Wow! Had fun with my friends...it was awesome.
Last week in camp... went for my grenade throw and it was awesome...*BOOM*...the sound was as loud as the 21 gun salute blast from those canons durin' National Day Parade... At first,it was nerve wreckin'..I mean..Come on..it's a life grenade which will blow when the lever is let off..and when that happens...about 2000 over small ball bearings spreading all over..piercing almost anything along it's path... So yeah..that's the reason why,I was nervous. After the throw and hearing the boom sound..it was great... Sound was loud and the shock wave was like..whoa~~! Imagine this,ur standing in the pool...half body totally in the pool and someone push waves towards u with full force...now..it's something like that..
One more field camp to go (Actually..it's 5 days..but it got split up into two..3 days camp had passed..now I'm left with two days) and soon after that...everything's done..except for marches and things like that... prepare for the POP... (Pop...Passing Out Parade) So yeah...life's a BIT much better now in camp...but most real..I miss home so god damn much!
Aight..gotta go and rest...had not slept since yesterday... Take care everyone...and one more thing...to those who had been supporting my band (No Direction) in any way..either in music wise or friendship wise..or for the band's sake...any way u can think of...I would like to say..thanks for the support and I really appreciate it.. Love u guys!
Cheers to all!
Yesterday was Valentine's Day...and that one person who I wished to be with can't be with me... I went out with this girl..Emelia (formerly known as Nisya...she hides her real name for security reasons) and well...I sucked. As in..I totally suck..I felt that I can't communicate with her or something...Maybe she ain't comfortable with,maybe she don't like it..I don't know... She gave me a gift and that was very sweet of her..she made it herself... Original plan..was to catch a movie...but god damn..the whole cinema's packed up...went to another cinema...same fuckin' thing...In the end..walked around..end up to a spot..where both of us..were quiet..and eventually..we went off...She left with her cousins and I met up with the guys ( and girls)...Went to Zouk to celebrate Dzafir's birthday and boy...it was an experience. I ain't a clubber..so going to a club is like trying to fly a spacecraft out of the atmosphere... After going through the whole security..payment..bla bla bla..everything went great... And never before..I repeat..never before u see bigguy dancin'! I did! I can't believe it myself! I fuckin' danced to trance beats...Don't even know how to dance,so what I did...bounced to the beat and just moved my hand around (Somewhat like one of those stupid para para moves). A punk rocker..looked like a hip hop (Cuz I had to wear pants and before that I was wearing berms,so I bought this jeans that cost me 60 bucks at Far East Plaza) and danced like an ah-beng...Wow! Had fun with my friends...it was awesome.
Last week in camp... went for my grenade throw and it was awesome...*BOOM*...the sound was as loud as the 21 gun salute blast from those canons durin' National Day Parade... At first,it was nerve wreckin'..I mean..Come on..it's a life grenade which will blow when the lever is let off..and when that happens...about 2000 over small ball bearings spreading all over..piercing almost anything along it's path... So yeah..that's the reason why,I was nervous. After the throw and hearing the boom sound..it was great... Sound was loud and the shock wave was like..whoa~~! Imagine this,ur standing in the pool...half body totally in the pool and someone push waves towards u with full force...now..it's something like that..
One more field camp to go (Actually..it's 5 days..but it got split up into two..3 days camp had passed..now I'm left with two days) and soon after that...everything's done..except for marches and things like that... prepare for the POP... (Pop...Passing Out Parade) So yeah...life's a BIT much better now in camp...but most real..I miss home so god damn much!
Aight..gotta go and rest...had not slept since yesterday... Take care everyone...and one more thing...to those who had been supporting my band (No Direction) in any way..either in music wise or friendship wise..or for the band's sake...any way u can think of...I would like to say..thanks for the support and I really appreciate it.. Love u guys!
Cheers to all!
Sunday, February 01, 2004
I'm back! Hahaha..it's a Sunday..and I can believe I spent the whole day...at home! Fuckin' hell,I know that it's good to stay home and bond with the family..bla bla bla...but I ain't the stay-home kinda person. So here I am. Just washed my dirty laundry...Loads of it. Muddy uniforms and stuff... My boots are are still a li'l bit wet.
Last week,I had my field camp... and boy...it sure was an experience. Out of the three days,two days it rained... Poured heavily on us. Built up our Basha (It's like a simple version of the tent) on the open space in between rows of rubber trees. So... rain + soil = MUD... I like the weather though...Cooling,wetness...I don't know,I simply love the rain. And the whole area was covered with mud..and it ain't normal mud it's like...thos sticky..deep kinda mud... At first it was kinda weird and eeky to sit or whatever but after a while...no one gives a fuck about the mud... We sat,lay down,rolled in the mud... so mud was our friend... There were fucked up moments and fun moments altogether... Our officers and sargeants showed their true colours... They were evil... But it was all for the good. Learnt a few new things and gained an experience only NSmen would experience. Seriously,I was a panick wuss...At night...especially..cuz I can't see shit and my torch was givin' me problems...so walkin' in the dark where u can't see much of anything...was a true obsticle... It ain't much of a physical stress...it's more on mental.
The food we ate there...Combat Rations, food that's packed up in this green packs...and how u eat it? Fuck with the plates,forks and spoon... We tear the pack and we squeeze the food out and just munch it like that... Some of it taste good..and some..well..a okay,ain't bad,ain't good...but after some time..u'll get sick of it. Don't wanna talk much on this stupid field camp shit cuz I have two more days to go when I book in and that sucks...
Yesterday was my gig,it was awesome! The crowd was a big turnout but as usual...u people who go to gigs,would know...Skinheads,punk and rudies are there...they sorta dominate the space. But most real,most of 'em are newbies. U can fuckin' see that their faces doesn't have that I'M-A-FAMILIAR-FACE-AT-GIGS look... As young as what...12? 14? God damn...and I mean young,already dressing up like that. What do they think? A gig means Fashion Parade? Fuck that shit... Especially the rudies,with their NOT-ENOUGH-CLOTH pants and their coats looking all rich and stuff..but hell,they ain't got a merz or a cadillac...They pay a few cent on this big vehicle with a driver,driving many people around...and this vehicle is called..the bus...which is,public transport.. God! And yet,they're supposed to be WORKING CLASS? ha! A joke to society. Anyways,played at the gig and the bands were awesome...Riddermark made their debut appearance and they were awesome... Shoe size nine,improving greatly on backing vocals and skills on guitars... Losing streak,Great showmanship and with Dila in the band,seeing him playing the guitar and singing for the first time...Hehe,normally,Dila would either play the guitar only or play the drums on stage...but not singing... ND's set was okay although a mistakes was made...only known to ourselves..hopefully the crowd didn't notice... I was really dissapointed with the crowd cuz they sat down...can u believe that? They SAT DOWN when the punk rock or emo bands played... but..they actually got the freakin' energy to raise that heavy butts of theirs and RUN up to the front to SKANK when the SKA BANDS are playing...can u believe that? And yet they say,SUPPORT THE LOCAL SCENE...MY HAIRY MALAY ASS!! Really dissapointed. The crowd ain't how it was back then,when SKA don't really EXIST in the scene... NO ONE LISTENS TO SKA ANYMORE...hahahahaha..Fuck that shit,that's their own problem.. What I know,Every of those other bands have friends or followers to back them up including my band...
To those who stand in front of the stage and looking up to the bands and supporting them while others sat down...I wanna say thanks! Keep doing that to pump up the spirit of the bands up there playing...
I've got to say,I was damn nervous before the show cuz it's been a while since I've last played in a gig...I was actually shakin'... Thanks to u guys who stand in front or by the sides of the stage...Ur screaming or plainly shouting out jokes..simply boost my morale up and got me back straight to focusing on playing without the word NERVOUS on my mind... Once again,THANKS!
I'll be bookin' in tomorrow evening..and boy..it sucks,those who went through NS before should know...to those who haven't...U guys will know the feeling when u guys go in...
That's all I have to say...Take care everyone...See u guys around again...PEACE!
CHEERS!
Last week,I had my field camp... and boy...it sure was an experience. Out of the three days,two days it rained... Poured heavily on us. Built up our Basha (It's like a simple version of the tent) on the open space in between rows of rubber trees. So... rain + soil = MUD... I like the weather though...Cooling,wetness...I don't know,I simply love the rain. And the whole area was covered with mud..and it ain't normal mud it's like...thos sticky..deep kinda mud... At first it was kinda weird and eeky to sit or whatever but after a while...no one gives a fuck about the mud... We sat,lay down,rolled in the mud... so mud was our friend... There were fucked up moments and fun moments altogether... Our officers and sargeants showed their true colours... They were evil... But it was all for the good. Learnt a few new things and gained an experience only NSmen would experience. Seriously,I was a panick wuss...At night...especially..cuz I can't see shit and my torch was givin' me problems...so walkin' in the dark where u can't see much of anything...was a true obsticle... It ain't much of a physical stress...it's more on mental.
The food we ate there...Combat Rations, food that's packed up in this green packs...and how u eat it? Fuck with the plates,forks and spoon... We tear the pack and we squeeze the food out and just munch it like that... Some of it taste good..and some..well..a okay,ain't bad,ain't good...but after some time..u'll get sick of it. Don't wanna talk much on this stupid field camp shit cuz I have two more days to go when I book in and that sucks...
Yesterday was my gig,it was awesome! The crowd was a big turnout but as usual...u people who go to gigs,would know...Skinheads,punk and rudies are there...they sorta dominate the space. But most real,most of 'em are newbies. U can fuckin' see that their faces doesn't have that I'M-A-FAMILIAR-FACE-AT-GIGS look... As young as what...12? 14? God damn...and I mean young,already dressing up like that. What do they think? A gig means Fashion Parade? Fuck that shit... Especially the rudies,with their NOT-ENOUGH-CLOTH pants and their coats looking all rich and stuff..but hell,they ain't got a merz or a cadillac...They pay a few cent on this big vehicle with a driver,driving many people around...and this vehicle is called..the bus...which is,public transport.. God! And yet,they're supposed to be WORKING CLASS? ha! A joke to society. Anyways,played at the gig and the bands were awesome...Riddermark made their debut appearance and they were awesome... Shoe size nine,improving greatly on backing vocals and skills on guitars... Losing streak,Great showmanship and with Dila in the band,seeing him playing the guitar and singing for the first time...Hehe,normally,Dila would either play the guitar only or play the drums on stage...but not singing... ND's set was okay although a mistakes was made...only known to ourselves..hopefully the crowd didn't notice... I was really dissapointed with the crowd cuz they sat down...can u believe that? They SAT DOWN when the punk rock or emo bands played... but..they actually got the freakin' energy to raise that heavy butts of theirs and RUN up to the front to SKANK when the SKA BANDS are playing...can u believe that? And yet they say,SUPPORT THE LOCAL SCENE...MY HAIRY MALAY ASS!! Really dissapointed. The crowd ain't how it was back then,when SKA don't really EXIST in the scene... NO ONE LISTENS TO SKA ANYMORE...hahahahaha..Fuck that shit,that's their own problem.. What I know,Every of those other bands have friends or followers to back them up including my band...
To those who stand in front of the stage and looking up to the bands and supporting them while others sat down...I wanna say thanks! Keep doing that to pump up the spirit of the bands up there playing...
I've got to say,I was damn nervous before the show cuz it's been a while since I've last played in a gig...I was actually shakin'... Thanks to u guys who stand in front or by the sides of the stage...Ur screaming or plainly shouting out jokes..simply boost my morale up and got me back straight to focusing on playing without the word NERVOUS on my mind... Once again,THANKS!
I'll be bookin' in tomorrow evening..and boy..it sucks,those who went through NS before should know...to those who haven't...U guys will know the feeling when u guys go in...
That's all I have to say...Take care everyone...See u guys around again...PEACE!
CHEERS!
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Ah hoy! I'm back...yes..back from that stupid hell shit hole! I booked out on TUesday previously...and I'm bookin' in today...fucked up ain't it? It's great to be home and enjoy life as a slacked civilian once again. What do I do when I was free all this while? Well..slacked... Tuesday night..when I got home..I went to B's place...slept there...on wednesday..went out...with ND.or was it #emo kids...and I tonned there at BK century square...on thursday...went jammin' with ND and stayed the night at B's place after that... On Friday...went to play CS with the #emo kids...TWICE...In the evenin'..and at night..how cool? They're back to CS gaming I guess... Friday's slackin'..was kinda fun..lotsa people...
Yesterday...went out with my bunk mates...Fai & Aliff...got our army stuff...and after that..we split up..I went to meet up with the ND boys... S-11 at Substation Garden... Dzafir,Sofyn,B...slacked there..talked shit and went off... Meet up with tweet & Mon at the bus stop. It rained heavily...From the night before...till yesterday night...wow..How I wished..really wished that it would rain that fuckin' much when I'm in tekong..seriously..that's how I wished..."Cat 1...Cat 1" That would be a good sound...So...anyways..after meeting up with Tweet & Mon..we head down to Arab Street to have a li'l sheeha...the usual place was packed...so we head down to retro cafe... Sat down there...ordered some food and drinks.. Sat down,played some of the games they have there (Chess,Dum,Uno)..till about 2 plus...after that I went home...and when I got home..chatted with Nisya on the phone till like 5 plus in the morning...only then I slept... So okay..anyways..gotta go...take care...CHEERS!
Yesterday...went out with my bunk mates...Fai & Aliff...got our army stuff...and after that..we split up..I went to meet up with the ND boys... S-11 at Substation Garden... Dzafir,Sofyn,B...slacked there..talked shit and went off... Meet up with tweet & Mon at the bus stop. It rained heavily...From the night before...till yesterday night...wow..How I wished..really wished that it would rain that fuckin' much when I'm in tekong..seriously..that's how I wished..."Cat 1...Cat 1" That would be a good sound...So...anyways..after meeting up with Tweet & Mon..we head down to Arab Street to have a li'l sheeha...the usual place was packed...so we head down to retro cafe... Sat down there...ordered some food and drinks.. Sat down,played some of the games they have there (Chess,Dum,Uno)..till about 2 plus...after that I went home...and when I got home..chatted with Nisya on the phone till like 5 plus in the morning...only then I slept... So okay..anyways..gotta go...take care...CHEERS!
Sunday, January 18, 2004
This next few entries are from the diary I wrote...Enjoy reading...
Monday, January 12th, 2004
*sigh* Another day in the army,life is pretty fucked up when ur in camp. Tekong's kinda nice but some things...simply ain't as nice as being at home. I dragged myself to Pasir Ris Interchange yesterday for the booking in. Now I know how B feels when he was in BMT. It really sucks. Jammed with No Direction yesterday at Carudi's in Boat Quey and the feeling of not being able to slack with them really sucks. Saying goodbye was kinda sad cuz I only get to see them once a week now. Seeing lesser of everyone and I really missed them.
No Direction Family,#emo kids,BK Slackers,First Chapter... Missed them all. HOw I wish I could have the time like how I had it the last time... Free as a bird.
Ain't got any news from Nina and it has been almost a month,the same period as how long I've been in here.
Just got a message from Nina right after my lunch break. Right now,I'm having admin time(Admin time,meaning...Free time) till 4:30 and it's only 1:50. Long rest to wonder and think of what's to become. I deserve the treatment Nina's givin' me and she have all the rights to be mad at me. I can't blame her cause it's my fault. I'm missing her...a lot. As days goes by,my morale is slowly going down. I'm stuck in this shit for a few more months before I get posted out to a unit. I don't know what to do,should I keep on trying to work things out with Nina? Or should I drop the idea and move on like what I've been doing for the past few relaionships I had?
Got to know this girl through a wrong message sent on the phone. She was sending a message to her friend but somehow it ended up on my phone. So,I made the move to know her. I learnt that she's 17,livin' in Bukit Batok and schoolin' in ITE Clementi. Could this be some kind of a sign? I don't know and I can't say and I'm afraid to even try to put in effort to begin a new realtionship. Been hurt and been failing. I fell waaay to much and one day...I can't even pick myself up to move on...
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
Time now is roughly 10:30am,can't see the company's clock from afar. Right now,my platoon is sittin' at the training shack,waitin' to go for our first grenade range. We'll be using dummies...of course.
Earlier in the morning,the whole company was fucked cuz our bunks and toilets were not up to standard. After comin' back from our morning brisk walk,the CSM "Tekan" us big time. Everyone sweated like mad. My morale was brought down once again. Felt like wetting my eyes with tears but I hold it in. I was thinking of home and how I missed everyone.
Right now,I'm feeling a li'l bit better than how I was before. We might be having a stand by bed in a while and if it ain't up to the CSM's standard,we're fucked. Meaning...confinement. No booking out this weekend.
2:00pm:- Just came back from that stupid range and went to lunch. Saw a couple of new enlistees with their families,somehow...that reminded me of the day I enlist. Right now,we're waitin' again to go back to that stupid grenade range. I'm feeling shagged and body's achin' all over the place. I just wished this stupid army shit ends. I wished that they would at least give us a day to rest. I feel as if I'm losin' my mind or somethin'.
Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
11:40am:- Three days had past and this is my third day here,only the third day and boy,it sure does feels so slow and like I've said before,time goes oh-so-slowly. Muslim eaters have to wait cuz the canteen's being used by those enlistees again. 1 o'clock, that's the time to fall in. Everybody's packin' up their stuff for IFC (Individual Field Craft)
I recieved an SMS from p|uGGy after a long time of not hearin' from her. I seriously missed her and I can't do anythin' about it since I'm in this stupid place. Amidst the waitin',I was thinking of the times I had with p|uGGy...memories just sets in my mind of those moments. For now,I guess I have to focus on this shit first... Gotta go and pack up my SBO...I'll write in again...
Thursday, January 15th, 2004
Yesterday was one hell of a day... Trainin' was tough and I was all shagged up. Got a message from p|uGGy yesterday and it was great to hear her voice plus Mik's voice. Cute li'l bugger.
Right now as I'm writin' this entry,I'm in a middle of the forest somewhere in Tekong. Saw two wild boars while marchin' and they were huge! Ran past us like a bullet, glad it didn't ram any of us. This field lessons gonna go on till evenin'...I think...Gotta go and pay attention,I'll write in again...
Just had lunch and boy, the queue was god damn long. New enlistees came in again, so there was their parents and all, that's the reasong why the queue was long. I'm back in the fields again, learnin' how to manouvuer and fire. Everyone in my platoon is goin' through fatigue. It's a long way to go...one more day...
Time now is roughly 10:48 and it's past my lights off time. Everybody in my platoon always look forward to night time cuz that's when we can rest and do whatever we want to. Right now, I'm laying on my bed,messaging Nisya while writin' down this entry. I have only one more day to go...just...one...more...to book out.
Friday, January 16th, 2004
Damn,it feels so god damn slow. Havin' a lecture now,waitin' for the OC to come over and give us a talk. Gettin' kinda noisy in here... It's all about discipline. Discipline this,discipline that...Fuck discipline, we're bein' treated like dogs here. Rushin' time,jammed up schedules... This week had been one hell of a week. Heavy trainin', that's the word. There's more in store... Two more months to go. I'll be havin' IFC again after lunch... There's a test on camouflaging... Which means that we have to pluck out those leaves from our surroundings and blend in so that enemy can't see us. Lasy day to endure before bookin' out. I heard rumours that we're bookin' out in the mornin' tomorrow. I hope that everything goes well. Be back again durin' my free time. Before that, I just learnt that one of my platoon mate is someone who knows Ainun. A familiar name without a face and now, it has. Firdaus, the guy who I chatted with about Ainun years back is no now in the same platoon. Small world huh? Who knows, the next thing...a distant relative or somethin' is in my platoon too? hehehe. Talkin' about Ainun, she'll be turnin' 20 tomorrow. January 17th...her birthday... It's still in my head even after 4 years of not keepin' in touch with her. All the best to her...Once again,Be back..
I'm back again, after a long day. Had that camouflaging test and I, somehow failed on the concealment station. I didn't break the outline of my body well. My whole section was covered up with mud and we were all dirty. Had fun in all, although the aftermath kinda sucked. Had to clean off the mud stains. Some of the guys in my section are asleep while some others are either messagin' or talkin' on the phone or one another. The bond in my section is gettin' stronger each day. Reminds me of the show, Band Of Brothers.
Right now, I'm messagin' Nisya while writin' this entry. SMSed Ainun just now to wish her a happy birthday but I don't think she would even wanna hear from me. Pulled through the week,survived and endured and somehow, I earned this book out... CHEERS!
Monday, January 12th, 2004
*sigh* Another day in the army,life is pretty fucked up when ur in camp. Tekong's kinda nice but some things...simply ain't as nice as being at home. I dragged myself to Pasir Ris Interchange yesterday for the booking in. Now I know how B feels when he was in BMT. It really sucks. Jammed with No Direction yesterday at Carudi's in Boat Quey and the feeling of not being able to slack with them really sucks. Saying goodbye was kinda sad cuz I only get to see them once a week now. Seeing lesser of everyone and I really missed them.
No Direction Family,#emo kids,BK Slackers,First Chapter... Missed them all. HOw I wish I could have the time like how I had it the last time... Free as a bird.
Ain't got any news from Nina and it has been almost a month,the same period as how long I've been in here.
Just got a message from Nina right after my lunch break. Right now,I'm having admin time(Admin time,meaning...Free time) till 4:30 and it's only 1:50. Long rest to wonder and think of what's to become. I deserve the treatment Nina's givin' me and she have all the rights to be mad at me. I can't blame her cause it's my fault. I'm missing her...a lot. As days goes by,my morale is slowly going down. I'm stuck in this shit for a few more months before I get posted out to a unit. I don't know what to do,should I keep on trying to work things out with Nina? Or should I drop the idea and move on like what I've been doing for the past few relaionships I had?
Got to know this girl through a wrong message sent on the phone. She was sending a message to her friend but somehow it ended up on my phone. So,I made the move to know her. I learnt that she's 17,livin' in Bukit Batok and schoolin' in ITE Clementi. Could this be some kind of a sign? I don't know and I can't say and I'm afraid to even try to put in effort to begin a new realtionship. Been hurt and been failing. I fell waaay to much and one day...I can't even pick myself up to move on...
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
Time now is roughly 10:30am,can't see the company's clock from afar. Right now,my platoon is sittin' at the training shack,waitin' to go for our first grenade range. We'll be using dummies...of course.
Earlier in the morning,the whole company was fucked cuz our bunks and toilets were not up to standard. After comin' back from our morning brisk walk,the CSM "Tekan" us big time. Everyone sweated like mad. My morale was brought down once again. Felt like wetting my eyes with tears but I hold it in. I was thinking of home and how I missed everyone.
Right now,I'm feeling a li'l bit better than how I was before. We might be having a stand by bed in a while and if it ain't up to the CSM's standard,we're fucked. Meaning...confinement. No booking out this weekend.
2:00pm:- Just came back from that stupid range and went to lunch. Saw a couple of new enlistees with their families,somehow...that reminded me of the day I enlist. Right now,we're waitin' again to go back to that stupid grenade range. I'm feeling shagged and body's achin' all over the place. I just wished this stupid army shit ends. I wished that they would at least give us a day to rest. I feel as if I'm losin' my mind or somethin'.
Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
11:40am:- Three days had past and this is my third day here,only the third day and boy,it sure does feels so slow and like I've said before,time goes oh-so-slowly. Muslim eaters have to wait cuz the canteen's being used by those enlistees again. 1 o'clock, that's the time to fall in. Everybody's packin' up their stuff for IFC (Individual Field Craft)
I recieved an SMS from p|uGGy after a long time of not hearin' from her. I seriously missed her and I can't do anythin' about it since I'm in this stupid place. Amidst the waitin',I was thinking of the times I had with p|uGGy...memories just sets in my mind of those moments. For now,I guess I have to focus on this shit first... Gotta go and pack up my SBO...I'll write in again...
Thursday, January 15th, 2004
Yesterday was one hell of a day... Trainin' was tough and I was all shagged up. Got a message from p|uGGy yesterday and it was great to hear her voice plus Mik's voice. Cute li'l bugger.
Right now as I'm writin' this entry,I'm in a middle of the forest somewhere in Tekong. Saw two wild boars while marchin' and they were huge! Ran past us like a bullet, glad it didn't ram any of us. This field lessons gonna go on till evenin'...I think...Gotta go and pay attention,I'll write in again...
Just had lunch and boy, the queue was god damn long. New enlistees came in again, so there was their parents and all, that's the reasong why the queue was long. I'm back in the fields again, learnin' how to manouvuer and fire. Everyone in my platoon is goin' through fatigue. It's a long way to go...one more day...
Time now is roughly 10:48 and it's past my lights off time. Everybody in my platoon always look forward to night time cuz that's when we can rest and do whatever we want to. Right now, I'm laying on my bed,messaging Nisya while writin' down this entry. I have only one more day to go...just...one...more...to book out.
Friday, January 16th, 2004
Damn,it feels so god damn slow. Havin' a lecture now,waitin' for the OC to come over and give us a talk. Gettin' kinda noisy in here... It's all about discipline. Discipline this,discipline that...Fuck discipline, we're bein' treated like dogs here. Rushin' time,jammed up schedules... This week had been one hell of a week. Heavy trainin', that's the word. There's more in store... Two more months to go. I'll be havin' IFC again after lunch... There's a test on camouflaging... Which means that we have to pluck out those leaves from our surroundings and blend in so that enemy can't see us. Lasy day to endure before bookin' out. I heard rumours that we're bookin' out in the mornin' tomorrow. I hope that everything goes well. Be back again durin' my free time. Before that, I just learnt that one of my platoon mate is someone who knows Ainun. A familiar name without a face and now, it has. Firdaus, the guy who I chatted with about Ainun years back is no now in the same platoon. Small world huh? Who knows, the next thing...a distant relative or somethin' is in my platoon too? hehehe. Talkin' about Ainun, she'll be turnin' 20 tomorrow. January 17th...her birthday... It's still in my head even after 4 years of not keepin' in touch with her. All the best to her...Once again,Be back..
I'm back again, after a long day. Had that camouflaging test and I, somehow failed on the concealment station. I didn't break the outline of my body well. My whole section was covered up with mud and we were all dirty. Had fun in all, although the aftermath kinda sucked. Had to clean off the mud stains. Some of the guys in my section are asleep while some others are either messagin' or talkin' on the phone or one another. The bond in my section is gettin' stronger each day. Reminds me of the show, Band Of Brothers.
Right now, I'm messagin' Nisya while writin' this entry. SMSed Ainun just now to wish her a happy birthday but I don't think she would even wanna hear from me. Pulled through the week,survived and endured and somehow, I earned this book out... CHEERS!
It's been a week..and god damn..it sure did felt so long. Came back yesterday morning...went out to jamming with both First Chapter & No Direction...It was both..a bad session. FIrst Chapter,it sucks,cuz the fuckin' drums was not in tune and the snare..was fucked...As for No Direction,I'm dissapointed with myself..Seem to forget everything... So,it sucked for me yesterday. After jammin' at Retro Cafe...we head down to East Coast for Jessie's chalet/pit... Had fun though... Was happy to see everyone...I missed them all..big time...especially p|uGGy...Get to hang out with her. And at the chalet,hanged out there till 4 plus...in the morning..that is..and then I went back home. It was whacked to see some of 'em gettin' drunk and talkin' shit... Insane...puking all over...things like that... Today,I'll be going back at 7:45pm...must be in "Paris" by 7:45 that is... Anyways...the next few entries..will be from the account of my one week in camp last week...
Sunday, January 04, 2004
It's a Sunday...There's a gig today,Dzul's playing and I don't get to see 'em. My Precious,Stomping Ground,Dyfectra and a few others. I'll be going for a jammin' session with First Chapter in a while and it's been a long time since we've last jammed. So I ain't sure if I could remember any of it. Tonight's my book in day... Next week,life range...Life or live...fuck...I feel that my english spellings is going to the drains... I seem to forget which one to use and how the spelling goes. It's been two years since I've touched the books.
Right now,I'm sitting in front of the comp with a plate of sardines and a loaf of bread... Still wondering...why did she call me in the morning? I woke up...dissapointed at myself...Cuz I saw my missed call...it read "My AnGeL"...meaning..it's her... Calling at 3 plus in the morning...I wondered...Was it a missed dial,meaning she accidently pressed my number? Was it...she called me up to chat or to ask me on how I'm doing? All of these thoughts came into my mind... I do miss her...But from what I see....I don't think it's workin' out... Efforts put in,wasted...
Went to Mom's wedding yesterday...(Mom a.k.a Arafah) It was great to see her in the bridal clothes and smiling.. Wow,can't believe that she's married. She's my age,20 and she was one of the pioneer chatters of #ska and she's the first among my friends to get married. Simply said,the first friend to get married. I came in my stupid Smart 4 uniform...cuz I was from OCS (Officer Cadet School). I felt weird,being the only one who's wearing that...I felt out. Slacked there...with Dil,Nora,Sofyn,Dzafir,Dzul,Inn & Fad... Played the band game and stuff. After a while,went back while the rest set off to Tamp BK. I went home to change... and I went out again to join up with them.
It was madness...had fun,laughing...Kecohness... a li'l late at night,Tweet joined up... and Nurl was there.... I guess that they met up by accident or something... The madness continues... After a while...everybody went home....
The guys are telling me to go for this one girl....and somehow,they're trying to match me up with her...but I don't know,still have that someone in my mind. If things still stays the same...and continues being stale....I guess the only option...is to move on. Maybe...I should get to know that girl better first...
"You'll laugh thinking of the tears you shed...you'll cry thinking of the laughs you had..."
Right now,I'm sitting in front of the comp with a plate of sardines and a loaf of bread... Still wondering...why did she call me in the morning? I woke up...dissapointed at myself...Cuz I saw my missed call...it read "My AnGeL"...meaning..it's her... Calling at 3 plus in the morning...I wondered...Was it a missed dial,meaning she accidently pressed my number? Was it...she called me up to chat or to ask me on how I'm doing? All of these thoughts came into my mind... I do miss her...But from what I see....I don't think it's workin' out... Efforts put in,wasted...
Went to Mom's wedding yesterday...(Mom a.k.a Arafah) It was great to see her in the bridal clothes and smiling.. Wow,can't believe that she's married. She's my age,20 and she was one of the pioneer chatters of #ska and she's the first among my friends to get married. Simply said,the first friend to get married. I came in my stupid Smart 4 uniform...cuz I was from OCS (Officer Cadet School). I felt weird,being the only one who's wearing that...I felt out. Slacked there...with Dil,Nora,Sofyn,Dzafir,Dzul,Inn & Fad... Played the band game and stuff. After a while,went back while the rest set off to Tamp BK. I went home to change... and I went out again to join up with them.
It was madness...had fun,laughing...Kecohness... a li'l late at night,Tweet joined up... and Nurl was there.... I guess that they met up by accident or something... The madness continues... After a while...everybody went home....
The guys are telling me to go for this one girl....and somehow,they're trying to match me up with her...but I don't know,still have that someone in my mind. If things still stays the same...and continues being stale....I guess the only option...is to move on. Maybe...I should get to know that girl better first...
"You'll laugh thinking of the tears you shed...you'll cry thinking of the laughs you had..."
Thursday, January 01, 2004
Book out days had past...I'm a li'l bit better..but not yet recovered....still coughing and my temperature...rises and falls... Today's the new year...Wow...that fast..it's 2004...
Yesterday was a terrible day... it was okay..but thanks to the fucked up network...people are havin' red eyes on me... I was suppose to meet up with the No Direction Family at night for the new year celebration... Dzafir called me up in the afternoon askin' me if I wanna join..I said maybe...when I get better...and the #emo kids asked me too...I told them the same thing...Well..I did get better...so my plan...was to meet up with the #emo kids evening time and then meet up with ND family till morning....And before that..I did tell Dzafir that I'll call him to through Sofyn to tell him that I'll be comin'. So there I go,meeting up with the #emo kids. Hanged out at BK...went to play CS at Pavilion..with Suhayl,Rabia,Dil,Fad,Dzul and later Inn joined to play... After the CS session..which was roughly around 10 plus I called Sofyn up to ask her..where they are and where to meet...that kinda stuff...So I called..Dialled her number...Three times...but to no success. So I thought that Sofyn purposely didn't wanna pick up...or that the network was fucked up. So I messaged her. While waitin' for the response...Inn & Dzul was askin'..where I'm headin'..I said I don't know,I'm waitin' for Sofyn's reply to tell me where they are...so that I know where to go. Dzul's with anything..and Inn wanted to go town...The others..they just go with the flow. Amidst the waitin' of Sofyn's reply..Mon called me up...askin' me,where should we meet...so I told her..I don't know,I called Sofyn,but she didn't pick up and Mon told me the same thing... In my mind,thinkin' that Sofyn did that on purpose..sorry to say..but I'm being honest here. So yeah..I asked mon..where she's going,she said she's going to meet up with Tweet first...so okay...I told her I'll message her.. In the mean time..my group,walked to Tampines MRT Station,u know..the toilet side..where there's seats. I messages mon again and again... Still no response..now I'm like thinking,are they both,doing this on purpose?
It was 12 plus...and the train from Tamp...had long gone...(Note: Last train from Tamp is 12..from town is 1) A few minutes later..ONLY then those messages came in...FUCKED UP NETWORK! All the replies I got from sofyn and mon..askin' me where am I...and mon saying..meet up at "Durian" place...and another message saying call them when I'm there... And there I was,feeling fucked up..torn apart by two groups... I can't go to esplanade..last train had long gone..and same goes for the buses...I would take the cab..if I had 15 bucks with me,but too bad...I only got few cents in my coin "pouch". And now,They're mad at me... Thinkin' that I did this on purpose..not wanting to see them... LIke I said in my previous entry...call me what u want... If u guys want to believe me...go ahead..and if u guys don't wanna believe me..go ahead...only god knows...
#emo kids..in the end,decided to ton at Sunplaza Park...All dressed up for town..in the end..Sunplaza Park where we go... Nice... Bought food from S-11 in Tampines... brought it over to Sunplaza Park...ate there...playe cards there...laughed there...and I got to highlight..farted a lot there.. Almost everyone...farted...I think it's the food we bought. Played Taitee,Played Bluff and most real..played this card game called "ragam"... We laughed big time...Somehow,that freed my mind away for a while... WEnt back home this morning...around 7 plus..I got home. Slept,cuz I was kinda shagged... woke up at 2. A few more hours,to bookin' in time. Hello tekong again...
To those to read my blog,felt offended,or felt intruded..I'm sorry...but I'm speakin' out my truthful honest opinion...take it...or don't ever read my blog... And to those...who worried about me cuz of my previous entry...don't worry...I'll be fine...I'll talk..when I feel like talkin' about it...for now,Tekong is my only concentration...
"Everytime I'm out...I would spend time with u guys...in fact..since my first book out..it was u guys... I'll make it up to u guys...one whole day..from the time I book out..till the next day...deal? HOpe so...if not,then Lan Lan...it ain't my luck then..."
Yesterday was a terrible day... it was okay..but thanks to the fucked up network...people are havin' red eyes on me... I was suppose to meet up with the No Direction Family at night for the new year celebration... Dzafir called me up in the afternoon askin' me if I wanna join..I said maybe...when I get better...and the #emo kids asked me too...I told them the same thing...Well..I did get better...so my plan...was to meet up with the #emo kids evening time and then meet up with ND family till morning....And before that..I did tell Dzafir that I'll call him to through Sofyn to tell him that I'll be comin'. So there I go,meeting up with the #emo kids. Hanged out at BK...went to play CS at Pavilion..with Suhayl,Rabia,Dil,Fad,Dzul and later Inn joined to play... After the CS session..which was roughly around 10 plus I called Sofyn up to ask her..where they are and where to meet...that kinda stuff...So I called..Dialled her number...Three times...but to no success. So I thought that Sofyn purposely didn't wanna pick up...or that the network was fucked up. So I messaged her. While waitin' for the response...Inn & Dzul was askin'..where I'm headin'..I said I don't know,I'm waitin' for Sofyn's reply to tell me where they are...so that I know where to go. Dzul's with anything..and Inn wanted to go town...The others..they just go with the flow. Amidst the waitin' of Sofyn's reply..Mon called me up...askin' me,where should we meet...so I told her..I don't know,I called Sofyn,but she didn't pick up and Mon told me the same thing... In my mind,thinkin' that Sofyn did that on purpose..sorry to say..but I'm being honest here. So yeah..I asked mon..where she's going,she said she's going to meet up with Tweet first...so okay...I told her I'll message her.. In the mean time..my group,walked to Tampines MRT Station,u know..the toilet side..where there's seats. I messages mon again and again... Still no response..now I'm like thinking,are they both,doing this on purpose?
It was 12 plus...and the train from Tamp...had long gone...(Note: Last train from Tamp is 12..from town is 1) A few minutes later..ONLY then those messages came in...FUCKED UP NETWORK! All the replies I got from sofyn and mon..askin' me where am I...and mon saying..meet up at "Durian" place...and another message saying call them when I'm there... And there I was,feeling fucked up..torn apart by two groups... I can't go to esplanade..last train had long gone..and same goes for the buses...I would take the cab..if I had 15 bucks with me,but too bad...I only got few cents in my coin "pouch". And now,They're mad at me... Thinkin' that I did this on purpose..not wanting to see them... LIke I said in my previous entry...call me what u want... If u guys want to believe me...go ahead..and if u guys don't wanna believe me..go ahead...only god knows...
#emo kids..in the end,decided to ton at Sunplaza Park...All dressed up for town..in the end..Sunplaza Park where we go... Nice... Bought food from S-11 in Tampines... brought it over to Sunplaza Park...ate there...playe cards there...laughed there...and I got to highlight..farted a lot there.. Almost everyone...farted...I think it's the food we bought. Played Taitee,Played Bluff and most real..played this card game called "ragam"... We laughed big time...Somehow,that freed my mind away for a while... WEnt back home this morning...around 7 plus..I got home. Slept,cuz I was kinda shagged... woke up at 2. A few more hours,to bookin' in time. Hello tekong again...
To those to read my blog,felt offended,or felt intruded..I'm sorry...but I'm speakin' out my truthful honest opinion...take it...or don't ever read my blog... And to those...who worried about me cuz of my previous entry...don't worry...I'll be fine...I'll talk..when I feel like talkin' about it...for now,Tekong is my only concentration...
"Everytime I'm out...I would spend time with u guys...in fact..since my first book out..it was u guys... I'll make it up to u guys...one whole day..from the time I book out..till the next day...deal? HOpe so...if not,then Lan Lan...it ain't my luck then..."
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
What is going on? I feel that I'm sick of everything back home...I feel as if I'm long forgotten or something... I'm just a shadow of my past now... Maybe I should stray away? Maybe I shouldn't... Book out and not tell anyone back home...and book in without informing anyone...All they know,I'm in there...They wouldn't even know I'm back home.
Everytime,I'm back home...that someone I miss....she doesn't seem to exist... And why,do I have this feeling...that our connection is no longer there...Why am I having doubts about that someone... Intuition? I miss her and yeah..maybe she does miss me too but I can't be too sure about that.. Cuz I don't have that special feelings anymore...U guys ever have that feeling...when someone special says something simple yet amazing to ya..and ur heart began to skip...u know..that kinda feeling...well..I used to have that feeling...but now a days..I don't... Who am I to say all this..maybe she meant it...Hate me all u want...forget me if u want to...cuz to me...it seems that I no longer exist in u...
I might be going out in a while...Sick or not...I"m still going out..let it be...Who cares anyways..besides my family and close friends... I know..that some of u..might hate me for typing this out...but hey...this is MY BLOG...I type out..what I wanna type out... Jerk,asshole,butthead,pathetic bastard...whatever u call me...go ahead...
Tekong's my home now,I shall forget everything here....I'm one of the men of the Island of Tekong... That's my home..and singapore's my casual visiting point... So yeah...that's what I wanna say...
Hate me,Diss Me,Badmouth Me,do whatever u wanna do to me...I don't care..I don't mind...cuz I no longer exist...
Cheers!
Everytime,I'm back home...that someone I miss....she doesn't seem to exist... And why,do I have this feeling...that our connection is no longer there...Why am I having doubts about that someone... Intuition? I miss her and yeah..maybe she does miss me too but I can't be too sure about that.. Cuz I don't have that special feelings anymore...U guys ever have that feeling...when someone special says something simple yet amazing to ya..and ur heart began to skip...u know..that kinda feeling...well..I used to have that feeling...but now a days..I don't... Who am I to say all this..maybe she meant it...Hate me all u want...forget me if u want to...cuz to me...it seems that I no longer exist in u...
I might be going out in a while...Sick or not...I"m still going out..let it be...Who cares anyways..besides my family and close friends... I know..that some of u..might hate me for typing this out...but hey...this is MY BLOG...I type out..what I wanna type out... Jerk,asshole,butthead,pathetic bastard...whatever u call me...go ahead...
Tekong's my home now,I shall forget everything here....I'm one of the men of the Island of Tekong... That's my home..and singapore's my casual visiting point... So yeah...that's what I wanna say...
Hate me,Diss Me,Badmouth Me,do whatever u wanna do to me...I don't care..I don't mind...cuz I no longer exist...
Cheers!
Hey ho peeps...I'm back...actually...I was back yesterday...got an early book out cuz my status was Attend C... I got fever..a very high fever..and I wasn't feeling well... Checked my temperature..it was 39.1 at first...after that..it went down a li'l when I was at the Medical Centre...38.6...So I booked out early...10 plus in the mornin'...when my whole company..was suppose to book out at night..around 9:45... I felt bad..I felt as if I don't earn that book out...And most real..I missed my IMT lessons...(IMT..some marksmanship training..it's like a game but ur holding onto a real M-16 rifle...but ur shooting at some digital targets upfront)...I hope that the guys don't mind me goin' back home earlier than them...
When I got home,my head seem to be heavier than how it felt before I got home...I was shivering cuz it felt kinda cold..and I was so fuckin' dizzy....so I slept..the whole day yesterday...
My previous book out..was kinda fun...It would have been more fun if B was around... Went to the gig in Guiness Theatre...Watched Elisabelle's Tears play...they were fuckin' awesome..accept that the fact..they were a bit off....I guess they were kinda high...after drinking before their show...but they were...fantastic... Got free entry thanks to one of the malaysian bands guy... After that..we head down to Boat Quey area...well..not exactly at Boat Quey itself but the seats opposite the river... LIstening to all the different techno beats,hip hop beats and some other beats...we laughed..we had fun.. and most real...we played Truth Or Dare... That was insane! Dzafir,Sofyn,Azri,p|uGGy,D'Omar & Fidah...Before that,Khus was with us but he met his friends later at Jamz 2000... Had lots of laughter and some crazy shit...it was fun... Went back around 3 plus in the morning that day...
As for today...I ain't got any idea of what to do..I'm sick..most probably..I might not be out...but then again,with my stubborness...I might just go out... By then,everyone would get sick because of me...Buahahaha! Today's New Year's Eve...What the heck...why do people make it a big "HOO-HA" just because the number changes from 2003 to 2004... Every year..the same old shit. Everytime I make a new year's resolution...none of them was achieved...So..fuck it...If I get a li'l better...I might go out today.. let's just see how it goes...
Tomorrow's my book in day...8 pm...Wow..long book out... Well,gotta take my medicine...so..take care u guys...I'll be writing in again...Peace!
CHEERS!
"Memories of that day,simply got into my head when we were having fun...Good memories...Thanks for everything."
When I got home,my head seem to be heavier than how it felt before I got home...I was shivering cuz it felt kinda cold..and I was so fuckin' dizzy....so I slept..the whole day yesterday...
My previous book out..was kinda fun...It would have been more fun if B was around... Went to the gig in Guiness Theatre...Watched Elisabelle's Tears play...they were fuckin' awesome..accept that the fact..they were a bit off....I guess they were kinda high...after drinking before their show...but they were...fantastic... Got free entry thanks to one of the malaysian bands guy... After that..we head down to Boat Quey area...well..not exactly at Boat Quey itself but the seats opposite the river... LIstening to all the different techno beats,hip hop beats and some other beats...we laughed..we had fun.. and most real...we played Truth Or Dare... That was insane! Dzafir,Sofyn,Azri,p|uGGy,D'Omar & Fidah...Before that,Khus was with us but he met his friends later at Jamz 2000... Had lots of laughter and some crazy shit...it was fun... Went back around 3 plus in the morning that day...
As for today...I ain't got any idea of what to do..I'm sick..most probably..I might not be out...but then again,with my stubborness...I might just go out... By then,everyone would get sick because of me...Buahahaha! Today's New Year's Eve...What the heck...why do people make it a big "HOO-HA" just because the number changes from 2003 to 2004... Every year..the same old shit. Everytime I make a new year's resolution...none of them was achieved...So..fuck it...If I get a li'l better...I might go out today.. let's just see how it goes...
Tomorrow's my book in day...8 pm...Wow..long book out... Well,gotta take my medicine...so..take care u guys...I'll be writing in again...Peace!
CHEERS!
"Memories of that day,simply got into my head when we were having fun...Good memories...Thanks for everything."
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Damn..it's nice to be home again...although that it had only been...almost two weeks but being in there..(Tekong)...a day...can be like 2 years... start off the day in the morning..5:45...bla bla bla..do this..do that...training..excercise...when ur all tired and stuff..lookin' up in the sky..thinkin' it's like 3 or 4 plus in the afternoon but when I look at the clock..it reads "10:42am"...it's like..fuckin' hell...time goes...so fuckin' slow in there. When I first came in,I know no one in there...well.except for some..even that...they're not in the same platoon as I am. Lost and not knowing of what to do,I follow the instructions given. Got my platoon,got my company...and lastly..my section...
Echo Company (Easy Company,hehe),Platoon 1... Section 4.. Got my bunk,got to know the guys..and fuckin' hell..most of my bunkmates..are jokers...non stop laughin'... Even at lights off...the laughin' continues... WIthin 3 days..we're like brothers..from strangers to brothers... Showing signs of care,unity.. Takin' care of one another when one fails..or have no motivation. It's great,great to be there...somehow.
1st night,I slept like a pig,I don't know why...maybe I'm used to being away from home...hehe..But about four days later I began to miss home...Missed my slackin' days...missed the guys at home... Althought it's only a small distance across the sea...it sure does feel as if I'm far away from home. Each night...I thought of everyone,my band..my family..pluggy...irma..#emo kids and most of the time..I thought about Nina. It's been some time since I last hear from her... Missing her the most. I drew somethin' in my notebook during my weapon handling lecture...I drew some sort of a graffiti artwork spelling out her full name and beside it..the back half of a vespa... Cuz,the vespa,reminds me of her. I hope she's doing fine,I hope she do think about me...Maybe she is thinking of me..it's just that I don't know...
MOst of the time,at night,I would just lay there on the bed..thinking of the times I had with the boys and sometimes..I laughed alone...DIlah,Sammy,Fad,Inn,Ik,Suhayl....THe usual bunch whom I hangout with when it comes to #emo kids... But like what Azri told...Tekong is tekong and Singapore is Singapore...don't bring ur Singapore problems into Tekong..simply focus on what ur suppose to do in tekong that's what I did and somehow...it keeps my mind off things for a while...
There's lots of tales to tell,although it's like a 1 week experience in there... but I'm feeling lazy to type it out. To everyone who's reading this...I miss u guys! And I simply wished...that I would stay a slacker all day..without havin' to go to NS...*sigh*...
Once again, to Shammie...Happy Birthday! Ur 17 now! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAMMIE!!
Take care...I shall type in again...someday...
P.S. I'm missing u,it seems that we're drifting apart...I still love u...
"Left..your left..your
left right...ECHO!!...left right...PLATOON 1!!...left right...WARRIORS!"
Echo Company (Easy Company,hehe),Platoon 1... Section 4.. Got my bunk,got to know the guys..and fuckin' hell..most of my bunkmates..are jokers...non stop laughin'... Even at lights off...the laughin' continues... WIthin 3 days..we're like brothers..from strangers to brothers... Showing signs of care,unity.. Takin' care of one another when one fails..or have no motivation. It's great,great to be there...somehow.
1st night,I slept like a pig,I don't know why...maybe I'm used to being away from home...hehe..But about four days later I began to miss home...Missed my slackin' days...missed the guys at home... Althought it's only a small distance across the sea...it sure does feel as if I'm far away from home. Each night...I thought of everyone,my band..my family..pluggy...irma..#emo kids and most of the time..I thought about Nina. It's been some time since I last hear from her... Missing her the most. I drew somethin' in my notebook during my weapon handling lecture...I drew some sort of a graffiti artwork spelling out her full name and beside it..the back half of a vespa... Cuz,the vespa,reminds me of her. I hope she's doing fine,I hope she do think about me...Maybe she is thinking of me..it's just that I don't know...
MOst of the time,at night,I would just lay there on the bed..thinking of the times I had with the boys and sometimes..I laughed alone...DIlah,Sammy,Fad,Inn,Ik,Suhayl....THe usual bunch whom I hangout with when it comes to #emo kids... But like what Azri told...Tekong is tekong and Singapore is Singapore...don't bring ur Singapore problems into Tekong..simply focus on what ur suppose to do in tekong that's what I did and somehow...it keeps my mind off things for a while...
There's lots of tales to tell,although it's like a 1 week experience in there... but I'm feeling lazy to type it out. To everyone who's reading this...I miss u guys! And I simply wished...that I would stay a slacker all day..without havin' to go to NS...*sigh*...
Once again, to Shammie...Happy Birthday! Ur 17 now! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAMMIE!!
Take care...I shall type in again...someday...
P.S. I'm missing u,it seems that we're drifting apart...I still love u...
"Left..your left..your
left right...ECHO!!...left right...PLATOON 1!!...left right...WARRIORS!"
Friday, December 12, 2003
Hey A...whoever u are..thanks for the tag...I suck and I'm ugly?? hmm...Yeah..I agree..I suck..I suck in everything..and I AM ugly...but it doesn't bother u right? So why say out? Whatever it is...I agree with ya.
Anyways, today's my last day as a civilian before I transform into a soldier... I'm at B's place right now where I type out my last few blog. Waitin' for Tweet to come back cuz he sent Mon to work. He's going to shave off my hair for me...Nice...And B went for a run...keepin' fit ey? I'll be hangin' out with the bunch and gonna have fun before I go in.
About me & Nina...we're done for...as a couple that is but we sure ain't done as a friend. Glad I didn't lose her even as a friend. I gotta agree with her that we might not go anywhere even if we're together. I gotta learn to accept the fact that...it's impossible and I gotta learn to let go of things. All good things,do come to an end some day. It's nobody's fault that this happened...It just happened. If it was meant to be,someday...she would come back but for now...friends it is. Somehow, this is like how me & p|uGGY was... I'm sure I'll be okay...for now, like what a few of my friends said...keep my mind on NS. I'm sure gonna miss her and I'm sure I'm going to miss everyone else that I've been hangin' out with. Bye bye freedom... Hello authority.
I'll make sure I have fun with the bunch later on... Shit! I still got a few more items to get...God damn it! Toiletries (however u spell out that word) and some stuff... And damn,gotta wear briefs...instead of boxers. Been wearin' boxers all these while! After hangin' lose for some time...having that "Someone-Is-Cupping-Ur-Balls" feeling would feel weird,but it's for my own good I guess. Gotta buy those later...if I have enough money..
Allright peeps,I guess that this might be my last entry before I type in again...in 2 or 3 weeks time. Gonna miss u guys...and to those who had been there for me in anyway...I'd like to say thanks again.
"Chalet" Tekong...HERE I COME!!!
"Anda telah menangi ticket pelancongan ke PULAU...TEKONG!! Untuk selama dua minggu. Anda akan menikmati pemandangan laut dan juga pantai Changi dari bilik mewah anda di Chalet Tekong. Makanan & minuman akan disediakan pada tiap tiap waktu makan. Bukan itu sahaja, anda juga boleh menikmati "Health Fitness" oleh instructor instructor terhandal di sana. Tidak perlu bimbang mengenai wang kerana...semuanya di situ...FOC!!! Tahniah!"
Anyways, today's my last day as a civilian before I transform into a soldier... I'm at B's place right now where I type out my last few blog. Waitin' for Tweet to come back cuz he sent Mon to work. He's going to shave off my hair for me...Nice...And B went for a run...keepin' fit ey? I'll be hangin' out with the bunch and gonna have fun before I go in.
About me & Nina...we're done for...as a couple that is but we sure ain't done as a friend. Glad I didn't lose her even as a friend. I gotta agree with her that we might not go anywhere even if we're together. I gotta learn to accept the fact that...it's impossible and I gotta learn to let go of things. All good things,do come to an end some day. It's nobody's fault that this happened...It just happened. If it was meant to be,someday...she would come back but for now...friends it is. Somehow, this is like how me & p|uGGY was... I'm sure I'll be okay...for now, like what a few of my friends said...keep my mind on NS. I'm sure gonna miss her and I'm sure I'm going to miss everyone else that I've been hangin' out with. Bye bye freedom... Hello authority.
I'll make sure I have fun with the bunch later on... Shit! I still got a few more items to get...God damn it! Toiletries (however u spell out that word) and some stuff... And damn,gotta wear briefs...instead of boxers. Been wearin' boxers all these while! After hangin' lose for some time...having that "Someone-Is-Cupping-Ur-Balls" feeling would feel weird,but it's for my own good I guess. Gotta buy those later...if I have enough money..
Allright peeps,I guess that this might be my last entry before I type in again...in 2 or 3 weeks time. Gonna miss u guys...and to those who had been there for me in anyway...I'd like to say thanks again.
"Chalet" Tekong...HERE I COME!!!
"Anda telah menangi ticket pelancongan ke PULAU...TEKONG!! Untuk selama dua minggu. Anda akan menikmati pemandangan laut dan juga pantai Changi dari bilik mewah anda di Chalet Tekong. Makanan & minuman akan disediakan pada tiap tiap waktu makan. Bukan itu sahaja, anda juga boleh menikmati "Health Fitness" oleh instructor instructor terhandal di sana. Tidak perlu bimbang mengenai wang kerana...semuanya di situ...FOC!!! Tahniah!"
Thursday, December 11, 2003
I'm so happy!!! Was not at the beginning of the day! But I am now...Get to talk to her and all... It was all a misunderstanding...and I remember what Shammie said before...Blogs...can destroy friendships or relationships...Which is..true...
To all of u who reads my blog...It ain't Nina's fault...It all boils back down to me! I just realized that when we were talkin' to one another. I put in things without thinking...and she became the victim... Please...don't see her as the guilty one..I am. But anyways..that's besides the point here! The main thing is...that she made my day just now.. Talkin' to her was something I couldn't describe!
We laughed,we talk..we talked crap...and simply..be happy... She totally changed the whole day into something I'm happy about! I'm back to normal! The cure is here...she is the cure! I learnt something...she thought me...Do not..assume things! Never...
One more day peeps...NS WILL SOON BE HERE!! Oh wait...I WILL B IN NS...hmm...whatever..TEKONG! HERE I COME!! hahahaha....So yeah..one more day to slack and get my things and to pack up my bag..hahaha....last minute shithead..that's me...Tomorrow..SHAVED HEAD!!! WOO HOO!!! I'm going to shave my head before going in...
.:: I'm still loving u...always had been...and I know u do...My feelings was right!! I LOVE YOU!!! ::.
To all of u who reads my blog...It ain't Nina's fault...It all boils back down to me! I just realized that when we were talkin' to one another. I put in things without thinking...and she became the victim... Please...don't see her as the guilty one..I am. But anyways..that's besides the point here! The main thing is...that she made my day just now.. Talkin' to her was something I couldn't describe!
We laughed,we talk..we talked crap...and simply..be happy... She totally changed the whole day into something I'm happy about! I'm back to normal! The cure is here...she is the cure! I learnt something...she thought me...Do not..assume things! Never...
One more day peeps...NS WILL SOON BE HERE!! Oh wait...I WILL B IN NS...hmm...whatever..TEKONG! HERE I COME!! hahahaha....So yeah..one more day to slack and get my things and to pack up my bag..hahaha....last minute shithead..that's me...Tomorrow..SHAVED HEAD!!! WOO HOO!!! I'm going to shave my head before going in...
.:: I'm still loving u...always had been...and I know u do...My feelings was right!! I LOVE YOU!!! ::.
| Lost | Confused | Clueless | Hurt | Sad | Downed | NS | Tekong | 1 Day Left | Good Bye | Thanks |
|Everyone | Missing | Someone | Friends | Best Friends | Thanks Again | Escaping | Sleepless Nights |
|Endless Tears Each Night | Lost Again | Confused | Not Knowing Own Mistake | Why? | A Test? |
|Moved On? | Alone | Singlehood | Happiness? | Sadness? | Time Will Tell |
|Everyone | Missing | Someone | Friends | Best Friends | Thanks Again | Escaping | Sleepless Nights |
|Endless Tears Each Night | Lost Again | Confused | Not Knowing Own Mistake | Why? | A Test? |
|Moved On? | Alone | Singlehood | Happiness? | Sadness? | Time Will Tell |
Monday, December 08, 2003
Got a call from her... Was glad to hear her voice again. She was out with her friends,raya outing. Well,at least I'm glad to know there's something to keep her mind off things for a while. I've been home,nothin' to do besides the game to keep my mind off. I fell asleep just now while my brother was using the comp. When I woke up,I went out,saw my bro finished using the comp and it was her messaging me. I was lookin' forward for her to message me again,but she didn't.
A few seconds later,she called my handphone,I rushed to it...cuz I was cleanin' the plate. Well,of course I was happy to hear her...but somehow,something was different. I felt cold...very cold...The way she talks,the way she says things...and the way I talk as well.. It's like,first meet all over again. I wasn't talking to her like how I did before..all crappy and bubbly...I was just..nervous... And I don't know why she talks to me in a weird way. Why do I feel cold?
She said she sent me a mail...I have yet to read...although it ain't here,maybe something went wrong... Whatever it is,I just hope...that the mail,ain't something that would bring me down or something... NS's coming up soon... Real soon...
"It's all a test,given by god...A challenge,an obstacle that I have to go through. Problems I have to solve...A test of patience,faith,trust and believe...That's how I see this one... Time will tell..."
A few seconds later,she called my handphone,I rushed to it...cuz I was cleanin' the plate. Well,of course I was happy to hear her...but somehow,something was different. I felt cold...very cold...The way she talks,the way she says things...and the way I talk as well.. It's like,first meet all over again. I wasn't talking to her like how I did before..all crappy and bubbly...I was just..nervous... And I don't know why she talks to me in a weird way. Why do I feel cold?
She said she sent me a mail...I have yet to read...although it ain't here,maybe something went wrong... Whatever it is,I just hope...that the mail,ain't something that would bring me down or something... NS's coming up soon... Real soon...
"It's all a test,given by god...A challenge,an obstacle that I have to go through. Problems I have to solve...A test of patience,faith,trust and believe...That's how I see this one... Time will tell..."
Sunday, December 07, 2003
Hey...how's everybody's doin'? I'm sure u guys are fine...and i'm sure some of u are not. Yesterday's outing,wasn't as great as how I would imagined it would be. Wasn't as happy and bubbly like how I am always. Started off the day...with that phone call I wrote about yesterday and I think,typing in that entry..was a mistake or something... Half of the raya outing,I was thinkin' of how she is and I'm worried of what's to become...
Heading to IK's place...received a call from her uncle which was cool cuz he totally speak in a nice way so I did the same. I was told not to bother her again...After that call,I don't know what to do and I was downed...again. It's funny how phone calls can change someone's feelings...just like that...a simple phone call can either make u feel good,happy or great...or it's the other way around,sad,angry,lost... The outing continues,and things was a li'l bit better cuz of the group,they crack up jokes and somehow distracted me from these thoughts for a while. While in Sammy's place the thoughts came back,thinking of what is to become of us.
As soon as we left Sammy's place..waiting for the bus at the bus-stop...Nina called me up. I was happy to hear her voice after the whole day of not hearing it...I was relieved. The next thing I got...was sad news... A news that she never meant to tell me..it's because..she have to. She was askin' me to let her go....I don't want to,she doesn't want to either...but she just had to. Since she entered my life,she had made my days pass with smiles stuck on my face. Thinking about her just makes me smile and be happy... As much as I don't want to let her go...I have no choice,I have to... I broke down,after what she told me. I sit away from the group for a while and cried in silence,I don't know what else to do,I have no choice...
Head down to Rab's place with those thoughts in my head...couldn't smile a li'l even though Dil,Sammy & IK was laughin' and crackin' up jokes that I..would usually laugh to... The guys wanted to jam after Rabia's place...so I decided to follow,maybe it would get it off my head...It did,jammed some stuff....put out the thoughts for a while... After jamming...it came back...Why?
Didn't went home last night...from 12 plus in the afternoon..till 1 plus today... From raya outing to jamming to staying the night at Suhayl's place.
"Will there ever be a chance for us to be together again? I know u still love me cuz I believe in u and I,for one...love u with all my heart. Please....please don't be a stranger,knowing u,being with u changed my normal boring days into days which I always look forward to. I want u to know...that in my heart,I'm still loving u....I love you,Nina Sarina. U'll always be that special angel given to me by god."
Heading to IK's place...received a call from her uncle which was cool cuz he totally speak in a nice way so I did the same. I was told not to bother her again...After that call,I don't know what to do and I was downed...again. It's funny how phone calls can change someone's feelings...just like that...a simple phone call can either make u feel good,happy or great...or it's the other way around,sad,angry,lost... The outing continues,and things was a li'l bit better cuz of the group,they crack up jokes and somehow distracted me from these thoughts for a while. While in Sammy's place the thoughts came back,thinking of what is to become of us.
As soon as we left Sammy's place..waiting for the bus at the bus-stop...Nina called me up. I was happy to hear her voice after the whole day of not hearing it...I was relieved. The next thing I got...was sad news... A news that she never meant to tell me..it's because..she have to. She was askin' me to let her go....I don't want to,she doesn't want to either...but she just had to. Since she entered my life,she had made my days pass with smiles stuck on my face. Thinking about her just makes me smile and be happy... As much as I don't want to let her go...I have no choice,I have to... I broke down,after what she told me. I sit away from the group for a while and cried in silence,I don't know what else to do,I have no choice...
Head down to Rab's place with those thoughts in my head...couldn't smile a li'l even though Dil,Sammy & IK was laughin' and crackin' up jokes that I..would usually laugh to... The guys wanted to jam after Rabia's place...so I decided to follow,maybe it would get it off my head...It did,jammed some stuff....put out the thoughts for a while... After jamming...it came back...Why?
Didn't went home last night...from 12 plus in the afternoon..till 1 plus today... From raya outing to jamming to staying the night at Suhayl's place.
"Will there ever be a chance for us to be together again? I know u still love me cuz I believe in u and I,for one...love u with all my heart. Please....please don't be a stranger,knowing u,being with u changed my normal boring days into days which I always look forward to. I want u to know...that in my heart,I'm still loving u....I love you,Nina Sarina. U'll always be that special angel given to me by god."
Saturday, December 06, 2003
Looks like today's raya outing won't be fun afterall...Not only being the reason that it's less people...It's because..everything's ruined. My dream of having the chance to go out with my dearest for raya...gone. Just by one lousy call from her parents...Why must this happened? First thing I hear her mom,I put down the phone. The next thing I know,she called my home. Her mom talks to me about how I shouldn't date her just because I'm younger than her and she was sayin' about me..should only treat Nina as my sister...I mean,what fuck is that?! My brother married to my sister-in-law..who's like older than him..and my brother's friend..married to my auntie...who's younger than her! So what fuck is that? Does age really matter to her mom? It's love,when both fall in love with one another...should age be an issue? Amidst the conversation,I can hear some guy (Probably her dad) Shouting out stuff and all... I was kinda pissed hearing all that. So I voice out what I have to say,I asked her mom.."What did I ever do wrong to get all this? Why must u make it a big issue just because of our age difference?" She kept on sayin' that I somehow distracted her from her studies and all..."Tapi ni sudah jodoh cik...saya suka anak makcik" and her mom suddenly says..."Oh? Jodoh? Let me talk to ur mom...so u mean u want to marry her,is it?" In my mind..What the hell? I said fate..not wanting to get married..I mean..I would love to get married with her..but not now! I don't even have a fuckin' income! How would I support? I don't get it,seriously..I don't get it.
The phone was passed over to the guy (Once again,her dad..I think) and he was tellin' me...not to see Nina again..and I was loke..what the hell? So i said to him.."Look,don't mean to be rude..all I'm askin' is...Why be angry over such a small matter? Why are u so mad?..and he said.."Cik tak suka awak...awak kuranghajar." I mean..all I'm askin' was that?! And yeah,I raised my voice a li'l just because he raised his voice..first! After that..i said..."I don't mean to be rude"
He was saying about settling this...and he said he wants to meet me..the last time I got a phone call from that guy (maybe her dad,cuz I asked Nina,she said that her dad wouldn't be like that),He threatened me...He said..if I were to see her again...I'll get a bump on my head or something... WHY?! WHY MUST THIS HAPPENED?!?!
Just as I thought I found someone...well,I did...she loves me..and I love her...and we're new in this relationship..but something had to happen..why? Why must it always be that way?! When something goes smooth..shit happens?! WHY?! God..please..why?! Challenges in life..that I know.. But it hurts... So bad...
Called Irma right after the conversation...just needed to talk to someone..and Irma popped up in my head... I fuckin' cried after the conversation I had...Why must it be today?! Thanks irma for being there...
Raya outing...won't be like how I imagined yesterday...all nice and warm especially with ur loved one...looks like,the imagination..changed eh? Let's just hope...she would be there....
The phone was passed over to the guy (Once again,her dad..I think) and he was tellin' me...not to see Nina again..and I was loke..what the hell? So i said to him.."Look,don't mean to be rude..all I'm askin' is...Why be angry over such a small matter? Why are u so mad?..and he said.."Cik tak suka awak...awak kuranghajar." I mean..all I'm askin' was that?! And yeah,I raised my voice a li'l just because he raised his voice..first! After that..i said..."I don't mean to be rude"
He was saying about settling this...and he said he wants to meet me..the last time I got a phone call from that guy (maybe her dad,cuz I asked Nina,she said that her dad wouldn't be like that),He threatened me...He said..if I were to see her again...I'll get a bump on my head or something... WHY?! WHY MUST THIS HAPPENED?!?!
Just as I thought I found someone...well,I did...she loves me..and I love her...and we're new in this relationship..but something had to happen..why? Why must it always be that way?! When something goes smooth..shit happens?! WHY?! God..please..why?! Challenges in life..that I know.. But it hurts... So bad...
Called Irma right after the conversation...just needed to talk to someone..and Irma popped up in my head... I fuckin' cried after the conversation I had...Why must it be today?! Thanks irma for being there...
Raya outing...won't be like how I imagined yesterday...all nice and warm especially with ur loved one...looks like,the imagination..changed eh? Let's just hope...she would be there....
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